*  J 

•4 


ANNB  WARNER 


LIBRARY 

UNIVERSITY  OF 
CALIFORNIA 

SAN  DIEGO 


presented  to  the 

LIBRARY 
UNIVERSITY  OF  CALIFORNIA  •  SAN  DIEGO 

by 
FRIENDS  OF  THE  LIBRARY 

Mrs.    Edwin  W.    Meise 

donor 


"  It 's  a  brand-new  one,  fer  the  price-tag's  still  hangirf  on 
the  back."      See  page  41. 


Susan  Clegg 


and 


Her   Neighbors'  Affairs 


By  Anne  Warner  If^r^ 

Author  of  "  Susan  Clegg  and  her  Friend  Mrs.  Lathrop" 

"  The  Rejuvenation  of  Aunt  Mary," 

"A  Woman's  Will,"''  etc. 


Boston 

Little,  Brown,  and  Company 
1906 


Copyright,  1904, 
By  The  Red  Book  Corporation. 

Copyright,  1905, 
By  The  Century  Company. 

Copyright,  1905, 
By  The  Bobbs  Merrill  Company. 

Copyright,  1906, 
By  Little,  Brown,  and  Company. 


All  rights  reserved 
Published  June,  1906 


THfe  UNIVERSITY  MWSS,  CAMBRIDGE,  U.  fc.  A. 


PREFATORY  NOTE 

"Mrs.  Lathrop's  Love  Affair"  appeared  in 
"  The  Century  Magazine ' '  in  1905.  "  The  Wolf 
at  Susan  s  Door  "  was  published  in  "  The 
Reader's  Magazine  "  in  the  early  part  of  the 
present  year ,  and  "Old  Man  Ely's  Proposal" 
is  printed  for  the  first  time  in  this  volume. 
The  original  version  of  "A  Very  Superior 
Man "  appeared  in  " The  Red  Book" 


CONTENTS 

PAGE 
MRS.  LATHROP'S  LOVE  AFFAIR 

PART  FIRST.  The  Deacon's  Dilemma  .     .       3 
PART  SECOND.  The  Automobile      ...     29 

OLD  MAN  ELY'S  PROPOSAL    ...     55 

THE  WOLF  AT  SUSAN'S  DOOR 

PART  FIRST.  Miss  Clegg's  Speculations  .     95 

PART  SECOND.  Gran'ma  Mullins's  Woe  .   125 

PART  THIRD.  Lucy  Dill's  Wedding     .  .151 

PART  FOURTH.  Mr.  Jilkins's  Hat    .     .  .168 

A  VERY    SUPERIOR   MAN       ...     183 


MRS.  LATHROP'S  LOVE  AFFAIR 


MRS.    LATHROP'S    LOVE 
AFFAIR 

PART   FIRST 

THE   DEACON'S   DILEMMA 

MISS  CLEGG  was  getting  her  own 
favorite   tea.      This    always   con 
sisted  of  itself,  toast,  and  a  slice 
of  bacon  ;  and  she  apparently  took  as  much 
pleasure  in  the  preparation  of  the  meal  as 
if  it  were  not  the  ten  thousandth  of  its  kind 
which  she  had  cooked  and  eaten.     As  she 
hustled    and    bustled    here   and    there,    her 
manner  seemed  even    more  sprightly  than 
usual ;  and  it  was    only  occasionally,  when 
her  glance  fell  upon  the  light  shining  across 
from  her  friend's  kitchen  window  opposite, 
that  her  cheerfulness  knew  any  diminution. 
3 


MRS.   LATH  HOP'S  LOVE  AFFAIR 

But  there  seemed  to  be  some  sad  influence 
in  the  effect  of  the  rays  of  Mrs.  Lathrop's 
lamp  on  this  particular  night ;  and  even  if 
its  effect  on  Susan  was  merely  transitory, 
it  was  not  the  less  marked  each  time  that 
it  occurred. 

Once,  just  as  she  was  carrying  the  teapot 
from  the  stove  to  the  table,  she  voiced  her 
thoughts  aloud. 

"  I  shall  have  to  tell  her  to-night,  so  I 
may  's  well  make  up  my  mind  to  it,"  she 
said  firmly ;  and  then,  after  drawing  up  a 
chair  by  making  a  hook  out  of  one  of  her 
feet,  she  sat  down  and  sought  strength  for 
the  ordeal  in  a  more  than  ordinarily  hearty 
supper. 

It  was  a  bleak,  cold  night  in  early  No 
vember,  and  the  wind  whistled  drearily 
outside.  There  was  a  chill  atmosphere 
everywhere,  and  a  hint  of  coming  winter. 

"  I  shall  wear  my  cap  an'  my  cardigan 
jacket  to  go  over  there,"  the  neighborly 
4 


THE  DEACON'S  DILEMMA 

disposed  Susan  reflected  as  she  carefully 
drank  the  last  of  the  tea.  "  Dear,  dear  ! 
but  it 's  goin*  to  be  a  terrible  shock  to  her, 
poor  thing ! " 

Then  she  arose  and  carefully  and  scru 
pulously  put  the  kitchen  back  into  its  cus 
tomary  order.  Having  removed  the  last 
trace  of  any  one's  ever  having  cooked  or 
eaten  there,  she  lighted  a  candle  and  sought 
her  wraps  in  the  icy  upper  regions  of  the 
house.  As  she  passed  the  parlor  door  she 
shivered  involuntarily. 

"  I  expect  he  was  cold,"  she  murmured  ; 
"  I  know  I  was.  But  I  could  n't  see  my 
way  to  sittin'  in  the  kitchen  with  a 
caller :  I  never  was  one  to  do  nothin' 
improper,  an'  I  was  n't  goin'  to  begin  at 
my  age." 

Then  she  went  upstairs  and  got  out  the 
cap  and  jacket.  It  was  a  man's  cap,  with 
ear-tabs,  and  not  at  all  in  keeping  with 
the  fair  Susan's  features  ;  but  she  gave  no 

5 


MRS.  LATHROP'S  LOVE  AFFAIR 

heed   to   such    matters  and  tied  it  on  with 
two  firm  jerks. 

"  I  jus'  do  hope/'  she  ejaculated  as  she 
struggled  into  the  cardigan,  "  't  she  won't 
faint.  It'll  surely  come  very  sudden  on 
her,  too,  an'  all  my  talk  's  to  the  advantage 
o'  stayin'  unmarried,  an'  the  times  an'  times 

I  've  said  as  we  was  always  goin'  to  stay  jus' 

i  > 
so  — 

The  termination  of  the  jacket-buttoning 
terminated  the  soliloquy  also.  Miss  Clegg 
went  downstairs  and  warmed  her  hands  at 
the  kitchen  stove,  preparatory  to  locking 
up.  Ten  minutes  later  she  was  tapping  at 
Mrs.  Lathrop's  door. 

"  I  must  n't  tell  her  too  quick,"  she  re 
minded  herself  as  she  waited  to  be  let  in ; 
"  I  must  lead  up  to  it  like  they  do  after  a 
railroad  smash.  Mrs.  Lathrop  ain't  what 
you  call  over-nervous ;  still,  she  has  got 
feelin's,  an'  in  a  time  like  this  they  ought 
to  be  a  little  steered  out  for.  If  she  saw 
6 


him  comin'  in  or  goin'  out,  that  '11  help 
some." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  not  answering  to  the  tap, 
the  caller  knocked  again,  and  then  tried  to 
open  the  door  from  without,  but  found  it 
to  be  bolted  inside. 

"  I  s'pose  she 's  asleep,  with  her  feet  in 
the  oven,"  Susan  said  in  a  spirit  of  rebellion 
and  disapproval  mixed,  and  then  she  battered 
madly  for  entrance. 

Mrs.  Lathrop  was  asleep,  and  did  have 
her  feet  in  the  oven.  She  was  particularly 
fond  of  finishing  up  her  daily  desultori- 
ness  in  that  manner.  It  took  time  slightly 
to  disturb  her  slumber,  more  time  yet 
to  awaken  her  fully,  and  still  again  more 
time  to  get  her  to  the  door  and  open 
it. 

"  Well,  Susan !  "  she  said  in  a  tone  of 
cordial  surprise  when  she  saw  who  it  was  ; 
"the  idea  of—" 

"  He  wanted  as  I  should  see  you  to-night, 
7 


MRS.  LA  THROWS  LOVE  AFFAIR 

rain  or  shine,"  said  the  friend,  advancing 
into  the  middle  of  the  kitchen. 

"  Who  wanted  ?  " 

"  The  deacon.  Did  n't  you  see  him  this 
afternoon  ? " 

Mrs.  Lathrop  furtively  rubbed  her  eyes. 

"  Oh,  yes,  yes  — J  —  "  she  began. 

"  Well,  he  wanted  as  I  should  come  right 
over  an*  tell  you  to-night.  An'  I  told  him 
ft  I  would."  J 

"  Tell  meswh—  " 

"  I  shall  break  it  to  you  as  easy  as  I  can, 
Mrs.  Lathrop  ;  but  there  's  no  denyin'  as 
it  '11  come  very  sharp  on  you  at  the  end." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  ceased  to  rub  her  eyes,  and 
a  vague  apprehension  opened  them  effec 
tually  instead. 

"  I  presume,  if  you  saw  him  at  all,  you 
saw  how  long  he  stayed  ?  " 

«  Yes,  I  —  " 

"  All  of  two  hours,  an'  his  talk  was  as 
dumfounderin'  on  me  as  it  will  be  on  you. 
8 


THE  DEACON'S  DILEMMA 

I  'd  never  thought  o'  any  such  doin's  in  this 
direction.  I  always  looked  on  as  a  complete 
outsider,  did  n't  you  ?  " 

"  I  don't  un—  " 

Susan  had  shed  her  jacket  and  cap  while 
talking ;  she  now  took  a  chair  and  surveyed 
her  friend  with  the  air  of  one  who  has  pain 
to  inflict  and  yet  is  firm. 

Mrs.  Lathrop  looked  frankly  troubled. 

"Well,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  you'd  ought  to 
know  me  well  enough,  after  all  these  years, 
to  know  as  I  shall  make  this  as  easy  as  I  can 
for  you.  Perhaps  the  best  way  '11  be  to  go 
'way  back  to  the  beginnin'  an'  speak  o' 
when  Mrs.  White  died.  It'll  be  a  proper 
leadin'  up,  for  if  she  had  n't  died,  he  'd 
never  'a*  come  to  see  me  this  afternoon,  an' 
I  'd  never  'a'  come  to  see  you  to-night. 
Howsumsever,  she  did  die  ;  an',  bein'  dead, 
I  will  say  for  her  husband  as  you  don't  find 
chick  or  child  in  town  to  deny  as  a  nicer, 
tidier,  more  biddable  little  man  never  lived ; 
9 


MRS.  LATH  HOP'S  LOVE  AFFAIR 

'n'  's  far  as  my  personal  feelin's  go,  I  should 
think  't  any  woman  might  consider  it  nothin' 
but  a  joy  to  get  a  man  's  is  always  so  long  on 
the  door-mat  *n'  so  busy  with  his  tie  's  the 
deacon  is.  He  got  some  wore  out  toward 
the  last  o*  her  illness,  for  she  was  give' 
up  in  September  'n'  died  in  July  ;  but 
even  then  I  've  heard  Mrs.  Allen  say  's  it 
was  jus'  pretty  to  see  him  putterin'  aroun' 
busy  's  a  bee,  tryin'  to  keep  dusted  up  for 
the  funeral  any  minute."  Susan  paused  to 
sigh. 

"  Seems  like  she  did  n't  die  but  yester 
day,"  she  said  reminiscently ;  "  don't  seem 
like  it  can  possibly  be  over  a  year.  I  never 
can  but  remember  them  last  days :  they 
stand  out  afore  me  like  a  needle  in  a  camel's 
eye.  Nobody  could  n't  say  's  everythin' 
was  n't  done;  they  had  two  doctors  'n'  a  bill 
't  the  drug-store,  but  the  end  come  at  last. 
She  begin  to  sink  'n'  sink,  'n'  young  Dr. 
Brown  said  that  way  o'  sinkin'  away  was 
10 


THE  DEACON'S  DILEMMA 

always,  to  his  mind,  one  o'  the  most  unfor 
tunate  features  o'  dyin'.  He  said  he  knowed 
lots  o'  people  's  'd  be  alive  'n'  well  now  if 
they  could  just  o'  been  kept  from  that 
sinkin'  away.  Old  Dr.  Carter  told  Mrs. 
Jilkins  his  theory  was  't  while  the  pulse 
beats  there  's  life ;  but  even  he  had  to  admit 
's  Mrs.  White  was  about  beat  out.  'N'  it 
was  so,  too ;  for  she  died  while  they  was 
talkin',  'n'  the  deacon  just  beginnin'  on 
cleanin'  the  pantry  shelves.  He  had  to  put 
all  the  dishes  back  on  top  o'  the  old  papers; 
'n'  any  one  could  see  how  hard  it  was  for 
him,  for  he  'd  counted  on  havin'  everythin' 
spick  'n'  span  at  the  end. 

"  Well,  that  was  a  busy  time  !  It 's  too 
bad  you  have  to  miss  so  much,  Mrs.  Lath- 
rop ;  now,  that  day  at  Mrs.  White's  would 
'a'  done  you  a  world  o'  good.  There  was 
a  great  deal  o'  company,  'n'  the  newspaper 
man  led  off,  comin'  to  know  what  she  died 
of.  He  explained  he  had  to  know  right 
ii 


MRS.  LATHROFS  LOVE  AFFAIR 

away,  'cause  if  she  did  n't  die  o'  nothin'  in 
particular,  they  needed  the  extra  line  for 
stars  to  show  up  a  cod-liver  oil  advertise 
ment.  I  said  the  deacon  was  the  one 
to  ask,  'n'  we  hunted  high  'n'  low  for  him 
until  Mrs.  Jilkins  remembered  's  he'd  took 
them  keys  Mrs.  White  always  had  under 
her  pillow  'n'  gone  up  attic  to  see  what 
trunks  they  fitted.  Mrs.  Macy  had  to 
holler  him  down ;  'n',  my !  but  he  was 
snappy.  He  said,  '  Ask  Dr.  Brown,'  'n' 
then  he  clumb  straight  back  up  his  ladder ; 
'n'  Dr.  Brown  said  's  she  died  o'  the  com 
plete  seclusion  of  her  aspirational  'n'  bron- 
choid  tubes.  I  could  see  't  the  newspaper 
man  did  n't  know  how  to  spell  it,  'n'  he 
told  young  Dr.  Brown  any  such  doin's  'd 
squeeze  the  cod-liver  oil  over  into  next 
week,  which  could  n't  be  considered  for  a 
minute.  'N'  then  he  went  on  to  say  't  if 
folks  want  to  die  o'  more  'n  one  line,  they  've 
got  to  do  it  Tuesday  night,  or  at  the  very 
12 


THE  DEACON'S  DILEMMA 

latest  Wednesday  afore  ten  o'clock,  if  it 's 
to  be  got  in  right. 

"  Well,  next  come  the  funeral ;  'n'  I  will 
say  right  here  'n'  now  't  the  way  's  the 
widows  closed  in  around  Deacon  White 
was  enough  to  send  any  man  up  a  ladder. 
There  was  Mrs.  Macy  's  was  actually  ready 
'n'  waitin'  to  lay  Mrs.  White  out  afore  she 
was  dead.  'N'  Mrs.  Macy  isn't  one's  any 
one  'd  rashly  set  about  makin'  love  to,  I 
should  n't  suppose.  I  've  always  under 
stood  's  there 's  a  while  't  they  sit  on  laps ; 
'n'  the  lap  ain't  built  's  could  take  pleasure 
in  holdin'  Mrs.  Macy.  But  she  was  on 
hand,  all  the  same,  'n'  's  beamin'  's  if  she 
stood  a  show. 

" 'N'  then  there  was  Gran'ma  Mullins ! 
I  was  perfectly  dumb  did  up  at  the  doin's 
o'  Gran'ma  Mullins.  I  'd  always  looked 
on  her  's  a  very  deservin'  mother  to  Hiram, 
'n'  one  's  any  one  c'd  trust  's  to  dough 
nuts  for  sociables ;  but  when  she  come  to 
13 


MRS.  LATHROPS  LOVE  AFFAIR 

Mrs.  White's  funeral  with  her  hair  frizzed, 
I  give  up.     Gran'ma  Mullins  —  at  her  age 

—  at  the  funeral  of  a  widower's  dead  wife  — 
'n'  her  hair  frizzed !     Well,  Mrs.  Lathrop, 
if  I  was  on  my  way  to  my  own  hangin'  I 
sh'd  still  say  't  to  my  order  o'  thinkin'  it 
was  n't  proper  mournin'. 

"  Not  's  there  was  n't  others  up  to  the 
same  doin's.  The  first  night  Mrs.  Allen 
sent  Polly  over  with  one  dish  o'  ice-cream 
'n'  one  slice  o'  cake  for  the  deacon's  supper, 

—  'n'  me  there 's  plain  's  day  sittin'  up  al 
ternate  with  Mr.  Jilkins.     'N'   Mrs.  Allen 
didn't  make  no  bones  about  it,  neither;  she 
said    frank   'n'   open    't    her  disapp'intment 
over  Sam  Duruy  'd  aged  Polly  right  up  to 
where  only  a  elderly  man  'd  be  anywise  fit 
f'r  her,   'n'   she  said   she  was   teachin'    her 
1  Silver  threads  among  the  gold'  'n'  how  to 
read  aloud  't  the  tip-top  o'  your  voice.     I 
did  n't  discourage  her  none.     I  told  her  't 
there  was  n't  many  like  the  deacon,  'n'  that 

14 


THE  DEACON'S  DILEMMA 

come  true  right  off;  fer  we  heard  a  awful 
crash,  'n'  it  was  then  't  he  fell  through  the 
ceilin'  into  Phoebe's  room  'n'  a  pretty  job 
we  had  sweepin'  up  his  dust. 

"  The  minister  come  in  while  we  was 
sweepin'.  He  certainly  does  come  to  call 
always  at  very  uncomfortable  times ;  but 
I  suppose  everybody  's  got  to  have  a 
cross,  'n'  ours  's  him.  Anyway,  he  wanted 
to  know  about  if  it  'd  be  agreeable  to  the 
family  to  have  Mrs.  White  discoursed  on 
's  a  faithful  handmaid,  'cause  he  did  n't 
want  to  have  to  alter  her  after  he  'd  got 
her  all  copied.  He  said  there  was  the  choice 
o'  a  bondwoman  o'  the  Lord  'n'  a  light  in 
Israel,  too.  We  had  to  go  'n'  holler  the 
deacon  a  long  time,  'n'  finally  we  found 
him  out  settin'  a  hen.  I  did  n't  think  's 
he'd  ought  to  'a'  set  a  hen  the  day  o'  his 
wife's  funeral  —  I  did  n't  think  much  o' 
settin'  hens  any  time ;  it 's  set  'n'  set,  'n' 
then  half  the  time  all  you  get  is  a  weasel. 
15 


MRS.  LATHROPS  LOVE  AFFAIR 

"  Well,  he  come  in  at  last,  V  he  would  n't 
hear  o'  havin'  his  wife  called  a  handmaid, 
'cause,  he  said,  it  was  him  's  had  always 
done  all  the  work.  The  minister  said  it 
was  astonishin'  what  'Liza  Em'ly  could  get 
through  in  a  mornin',  'n'  then  he  coughed ; 
'n'  Mrs.  Macy  said  't  'Liza  Em'ly  was  very 
helpful  for  a  child  o'  her  age,  'n'  then  she 
coughed ;  'n'  then  the  deacon  went  back  to 
his  hen,  'n'  the  minister  sighed  'n'  went, 
too." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  herself  sighed  as  Susan 
paused. 

"I  remember  —  "  she  said  slowly. 

"  It  was  a  nice  funeral,  though,"  her 
friend  continued  ;  "  I  never  see  a  nicer  one, 
even  if  Mrs.  White  was  n't  able  to  look 
after  nothin'  herself.  Mr.  Kimball  got 
down  to  business  like  it  'd  always  been  his 
business,  'n'  the  way  he  hustled  things 
through  was  a  lesson  to  them  's  takes  a 
whole  afternoon  to  one  member  of  a  family. 
16 


THE  DEACON'S  DILEMMA 

He  took  all  the  table-leaves  'n'  laid  'em 
from  chair  to  chair,  so  's  everybody  had  a 
seat;  'n'  then,  's  folks  come  in,  he  had  Billy 
hand  'em  each  a  fan  with  his  advertisement 
on  one  side  'n'  two  rows  o'  readin'  on  the 
other,  so  's  no  one  got  dull  waitin'. 

"'N'  then  I  never  shall  forget  what  a 
neat  job  he  done  with  the  dove.  You 
know  's  well  's  I  do  't  it 's  hard  on  the 
dove,  'n'  always  has  been  hard  on  the 
dove,  to  go  to  every  funeral  'n'  be  the  win 
dow  advertisement  between  deaths.  I  Ve 
told  you  before  how  it  was  freely  remarked 
in  the  square,  after  Mrs.  Dill's  burial,  as 
the  way  the  dove  looked  there  was  suthin' 
borderin'  on  scandalous.  He  'd  hovered 
with  a  motto  till  his  wings  was  's  dirty 
inside  's  outside,  'n'  they  'd  tipped  his 
head  back  to  look  up  resurrected  or  front 
to  look  down  dejected  till  at  Mrs.  Dill's 
all  he  was  fit  for  was  to  sit  on  the  foot 
of  her  'n'  mourn,  with  the  hat-pins  's  held 
17 


MRS.  LATHROP\S  LOVE  AFFAIR 

him  steady  stickin'  out  in  all  directions. 
Some  folks  as  was  really  very  sorry  about 
Mrs.  Dill  'most  died  when  they  see  the 
dove,  V  Mr.  Kimball  (he  had  n't  bought 
the  business  then)  remarked  openly  's  his 
view  was  as  he  'd  better  go  to  two  or  three 
baptisms  afore  he  tried  another  funeral^ 
Such  bein'  the  case,  it  was  no  more  'n 
natural  's  we  sh'd  all  feel  a  little  worried 
thinkin'  o'  Mrs.  White's  bein'  next  to 
stand  the  dove ;  'n'  Mrs.  Sperrit  said 
frank  an'  open  't  to  her  order  o'  thinkin' 
the  deacon  'd  ought  to  jus'  forbid  it.  We 
all  saw  the  sense  in  her  view ;  but  even 
if  we  did,  you  know  's  well  's  I  do  it 
'd  be  a  pretty  delicate  matter  in  this  c'm- 
munity  to  be  the  first  to  deliberately  skip 
the  dove." 

"I  think  he's  pret — "  said  Mrs. 
Lathrop,  musingly. 

"  I  won't  say  't  I  don't  think  so,  too," 
said  Susan ;  "  but  I  never  was  one  to  turn 
18 


a  blind  eye  to  the  dirt  on  the  outside  o' 
nothin',  —  's  you  know  to  your  cost,  Mrs. 
Lathrop,  —  'n'  such  bein'  the  case,  I  cer 
tainly  did  feel  to  regret  's  the  dove  'd  had 
such  long  wear  'n'  tear  afore  it  come  Mrs. 
White's  turn  to  be  sat  on.  I  was  fond  o' 
Mrs.  White ;  we  had  n't  spoke  in  years, 
owin'  to  her  bein'  too  deaf  to  hear,  but 
what  I  see  of  her  from  the  street  was 
always  pleasant,  'n'  I  did  n't  like  to  think 
's  maybe  anythin'  'd  be  left  out  o'  the  last 
of  her.  So  we  let  it  all  go,  'n'  we  certainly 
had  our  reward  for  so  doin'  when  we  see 
the  result;  for  Mr.  Kimball  did  a  fine  job 
then  'n'  there,  'n'  when  he  was  dry-cleaned 
inside  'n'  out,  'n'  his  beak  'n'  feet  painted, 
'n'  new  beads  for  eyes  —  well,  all  I  can  say 
is  't  I  wish  you  'd  been  there  to  see  him, 
that 's  all.  He  took  his  wings  completely 
off,  so  's  to  give  him  the  air  o'  bein'  folded 
up ;  'n'  then  he  stuck  a  gilt  arrow  in  his 
heart  'n'  laid  him  cornerways  on  the  dea- 
19 


MRS.  LATHROP^S  LOVE  AFFAIR 

con's  cross  o'  tiger-lilies.  'N'  he  did  n't 
stop  't  that,  neither ;  he  took  his  wings  'n' 
sewed  'em  to  each  side  of  a  red  heart  left 
over  from  a  euchre-party,  'n'  laid  the  whole 
on  Mr.  Jilkins's  piller  o'  pansies,  so  the 
deacon  could  n't  in  conscience  feel  't  any- 
thin'  's  he  'd  paid  for  was  wasted.  I  Ve 
said  all  along,  'n'  I'll  say  ag'in  here  'n' 
now,  't  it  was  all  one  o'  the  prettiest  things 
I  ever  see;  'n'  I  wasn't  the  only  one's  felt 
that  way,  for  I  've  heard  lots  o'  folks  say 
since  's  they  '11  want  the  dove  just  so  for 
themselves." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  turned  a  little  uneasily; 
Susan  did  not  appear  to  notice  the  indica 
tion  of  a  possible  impatience. 

"  It  was  all  a  great  success,"  she  went 
on  calmly.  "The  minister's  discourse  was 
very  fine ;  only  when  he  prayed  for  conso 
lation  we  all  knowed  he  meant  'Liza  Em'ly. 
All  but  the  deacon,  that  is.  I  guess  the 
deacon  was  thinkin'  more  o'  Gran'ma  Mul- 
20 


THE  DEACON'S  DILEMMA 

lins  'n  any  one  else  't  first;  Mrs.  Jilkins 
told  me  he  asked  how  old  she  was,  comin' 
back  in  the  carriage." 

"I  allers  thought  —  "  said  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  So  did  a  good  many  people.  I  don't 
know  's  that  was  surprising  either ;  for  it 's 
a  well-known  fact  's  they  was  fond  o'  each 
other  forty  or  fifty  years  back.  She 's  got 
a  daguerre'type  o'  him  's  is  so  old  't  you 
can't  be  very  sure  whether  it  's  him,  after 
all.  She  says  she  ain't  positive  herself, 
'cause  she  had  one  o'  her  cousin  's  shot 
himself  by  accident  on  his  way  to  the  war, 
'n'  the  wreath  o'  flowers  stamped  on  the 
red  velvet  inside  was  just  the  same  in  both 
cases.  You  have  to  go  by  the  light  'n'  tip 
him  a  good  while  to  say  for  sure 'whether 
he 's  got  a  collar  on  or  not,  'n'  you  could  n't 
swear  to  his  havin'  on  anythin'  else  if  you 
was  to  turn  him  round  'n'  round  till  dooms 
day.  "She  had  that  picture  in  a  box  with 
her  first  hair  'n'  Hiram's  first  tooth  'n'  a  nut 
21 


MRS.  LATHROPS  LOVE  AFFAIR 

't  she  said  the  deacon  did  a  hole  in  with 
his  knife  when  they  was  children  together 
one  day.  She  showed  'em  all  to  me  one 
time  when  I  was  there;  I  didn't  think 
much  o'  the  nut,  I  must  say.  But  I  will  say 
as  it  seemed  to  make  her  happy,  so  I  jus' 
remarked  't  it  was  surprisin'  how  foolish  we 
got  's  we  got  old,  'n'  let  it  go  't  that.  It 
was  a  while  after  's  he  took  her  to  Mead- 
ville  to  the  circus ;  it 's  a  well-known  fact  's 
she  was  fool  enough  to  look  upon  bein' 
took  to  a  circus  's  next  thing  to  bein'  asked 
out  'n'  out.  She  come  up  to  tell  me  all 
about  it  afterward." 

"'N'  yet  —  "  said  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  It  just  shows  the  vanity  o'  feelin'  sure 
o'  mortal  man,"  continued  Susan.  "  She 
was  sure,  'n'  Mrs.  Allen  was  sure,  'n'  the 
minister  had  faith  ;  'n'  then  there  was  Mrs. 
Macy,  too.  There  was  a  while  when  it 
looked  to  me  's  if  swoopin'  down  'n'  then 
pinnin'  flat  c'd  catch  anythin,'  't  Mrs. 

22 


THE  DEACON'S  DILEMMA 

Macy  'd  have  the  deacon,  she  was  so  ever 
lastingly  on  hand.  Why,  I  never  walked 
by  his  house  but  I  met  her,  V  that  was 
far  too  often  to  ever  by  any  chance  be 
called  a'  accident.  But  she  was  too  open  ; 
my  own  experience  is  't  bein'  frank  'n'  free 
is  time  throwed  away  on  men.  If  anythin' 
serious  is  to  be  done  with  a  man,  it's  got 
to  be  done  from  behind  a  woodpile.  I 
had  some  little  dealin's  with  men  in  the 
marryin'  line  once,  'n'  I  found  'em  very 
shy ;  tamin'  gophers  is  sleepin'  in  the  sun 
beside  grabbin'  a  man  's  dead  against  bein' 
grabbed.  I  don't  say  's  it  can't  be  done, 
but  I  will  say  't  it 's  hard  in  the  first  'n' 
harder  in  the  last,  when  you  've  got  him  'n' 
he 's  got  you,  like  the  minister  's  got  his 
wife." 

"But  Mrs.  Macy  ain't  — "  protested 
Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  No  ;  'n'  it 's  her  own  fault,  too.  He 
told  me  this  afternoon  's  the  way  she  smiled 
23 


MRS.  LATHROP"S  LOVE  AFFAIR 

on  him  right  in  the  first  days  made  the 
marrow  run  up  V  down  his  back.  He 
said  he  c'd  'a'  stood  lots  o'  things,  but  no 
human  bein'  but  gets  mad  bein'  forever 
smiled  at.  Then  she  knit  him  things.  He 
says  she  knit  him  a  pair  o'  snap-on  slippers 
's  Heaven  '11  surely  forgive  him  if  he  ever 
see  the  like  of.  He  said  they  stuck  out  's 
far  behind  's  in  front,  'n'  all  in  the  world  't 
he  c'd  do  was  to  sit  perfectly  still  in  the 
middle  of  'em  'n'  content  himself  with 
viewin'  'em  's  slippers.  But  he  says  the 
worst  was,  she  cooked  him  things  ;  he  says 
he  won't  say  what  he  's  paid  young  Dr. 
Brown  for  advice  regardin'  things  's  she  's 
cooked  him,  not  to  speak  o'  that  time  he 
cut  himself  so  bad  pryin'  at  one  o'  her 
undercrusts.  'N,'  just  between  you  'n'  me, 
Mrs.  Lathrop,  he  says  it 's  a  secret 's  he  will 
carry  to  his  grave  unsealed  as  she  give  him 
a  crock  o'  gherkins  on  his  birthday,  with  a 
pair  o'  buttonhole  scissors  at  the  bottom. 
24 


THE  DEACON'S  DILEMMA 

"  He  said  he  jus'  felt  he  'd  enjoy  to  have 
the  revenge  o'  stayin'  single.  But  he  said 
it  did  n't  take  him  long  to  see  's  stayin' 
single  is  a  privilege  's  no  woman  's  goin' 
to  allow  to  a  man  whose  wife  's  dead.  He 
says  the  way  he  's  been  chased  's  all  but 
killin'.  He  says  there  's  Mrs.  Allen  firm' 
Polly  at  him  when  he  goes  over  there  for 
his  dinner,  'n'  the  minister  tellin'  him  every 
Sunday  'n'  prayer-meetin'  how  'Liza  Em'ly 
is  shootin'  up.  He  says  Gran'ma  Mullins 
is  forever  referrin'  to  his  youth,  'n'  Mrs. 
Macy  is  forever  smilin'.  He  says  he  could 
easy  keep  his  house  alone,  — he  says  he 
understands  a  house  from  moth-balls  to 
quicklime,  —  but  they  won't  let  him.  He 
says  he  's  not  only  town  property,  but  he  's 
town  talk  's  well.  He  says  Mrs.  Craig 
stopped  him  in  the  square  'n'  asked  him 
point-blank  if  he'd  remembered  to  put  on 
his  flannels  day  before  yesterday. 

"  I  tell  you,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  it 's  plain  't 
25 


MRS.  LATHROPS  LOVE  AFFAIR 

that  man  has  suffered.  If  you  'd  'a'  seen 
him,  your  heart  would  'a'  softened  like 
mine  did.  'N'  him  such  a  neat  little  bald- 
headed  man  without  any  wishin'  o'  anybody 
anythin' !  I  give  him  a  lot  o'  sympathy. 
I  told  him  't  I  'd  knowed  what  it  was  to 
have  a  lot  o'  folks  seem  bound  to  marry 
you  in  the  teeth  o'  your  own  will.  I  told 
him  the  whole  community  was  witness  to 
how  I  was  set  upon  after  father's  death 
'n'  well-nigh  drove  mad.  He  said  he  wished 
he  had  my  grit  V  maybe  he  'd  make  a  try 
to  fight  like  I  did,  but  he  said  he  was  beat 
out.  He  said  if  he  is  n't  up  'n'  the  smoke 
pourin'  out  o'  his  chimney  at  six  sharp,  all 
the  single  women  in  town  is  lined  up  in 
front  to  know  what 's  happened.  He  says 
if  he  was  married,  it  goes  without  sayin'  's 
they  'd  both  be  allowed  to  sleep  in  peace. 
He  says  if  he  lights  a  candle  at  night,  he 
hears  of  it  next  day.  He  said  if  he  gets  a 
letter  in  a  strange  hand,  it 's  all  over  town 
26 


THE  DEACON'S  DILEMMA 

's  some  strange  woman  's  made  his  acquaint 
ance.  He  says  the  whole  world  feels  free 
to  dust  his  hat  or  w'isk  his  coat  if  he  stops 
to  chat  a  minute.  He  says,  such  bein'  the 
case,  he  's  made  up  his  mind  't  he 's  got  to 
get  married.  He  says  he  's  considered  very 
carefully.  He  says  he  knows  jus'  the  kind 
o'  woman.  He  says  he  's  been  fretted,  V 
he  don't  never  want  to  be  fretted  no  more." 

Miss  Clegg  paused,  as  if  the  crisis  had 
arrived.  She  surveyed  her  friend  with  a 
meaning  eye,  and  Mrs.  Lathrop  rather 
shrunk  together  and  endeavored  to  look 
courageous. 

"  Up  to  now  's  been  all  preparin'  your 
mind.  Do  you  feel  prepared  ?  Are  you 
ready  ? " 

"  Yes,  I  —  "  gasped  the  victim. 

"  Left  to  myself,  I  sh'd  'a'  waited  till 
mornin',  but  he  wanted  you  to  know  to 
night.  He  know  's  I  'm  your  dearest  friend. 
He  said  if  I  didn't  tell  you  right  off,  it 
27 


MRS.  LATHROPS  LOVE  AFFAIR 

might  get  to  you  some  other  way  'n'  be  a' 
awful  blow.  He  said  he  had  to  go  to 
Meadville  to-morrow,  so  he  might  mention 
it  down-town  to-night,  'n'  'most  any  one 
might  let  it  drop  in  on  you.  I  see  the 
p'int  o'  his  reasonin',  'n'  so  —  " 

"  Susan,"  said  the  friend,  her  feelings 
completely  overflowing  all  bounds  —  "  oh, 
Susan,  are  you  really  a-goin'  to  marry  —  " 

Susan's  expression  altered  triumphantly. 

"  Why,  Mrs.  Lathrop,"  she  said,  with 
keen  enjoyment,  "  it  ain't  me  's  he  wants 
to  marry  ;  it 's  you  !  " 


28 


PART   SECOND 
THE    AUTOMOBILE 

MRS.  LATHROP  collapsed  back 
ward    and    downward,    her    eyes 
closed,   her   mouth    opened,    her 
hands  fell  at  her  sides,  her  feet  flew  out  in 
front  of  her.     Never  in  the  history  of  the 
world  were  the  words  "  This  is  so  sudden  !  " 
more  vividly  illustrated. 

Susan  sat  bolt  upright  opposite  and  sur 
veyed  her  friend's  emotion  with  an  expres 
sion  of  calm  and  interested  neutrality. 

After  a  while  Mrs.  Lathrop's  eyes  began 
to  open  and  her  mouth  to  close ;  she  gath 
ered  her  hands  into  her  lap,  and  her  feet 
under  her  skirt,  saying  weakly : 

"  Well,  I  never  hear  nothin'  to  beat  —  " 
"I  ain't  surprised  'tyour  takin'  it  to  heart 
29 


MRS.  LATHROPS  LOVE  AFFAIR 

like  that,"  said  the  imparter  of  news.  "  I 
may  tell  you  in  confidence  't  I  was  nigh  to 
laid  out  myself  in  the  first  hearin'  of  it.  I 
looked  upon  it  jus'  as  you  did,  an'  jus'  as 
anybody  in  their  common  senses  naturally 
would.  It  was  n't  no  more  'n  was  to  be 
expected  that  me,  bein*  neat  like  himself 
an'  unmarried,  too,  sh'd  'a'  struck  him  's 
just  about  what  he  was  lookin'  for.  I  'm 
younger  'n  Gran'ma  Mullins  'n'  Mrs.  Macy, 
an'  older  'n  'Liza  Em'ly  an'  Polly  Ann. 
I  Ve  got  property,  'n'  nobody  can  't  say  's  I 
have  n't  always  done  my  duty  by  whatever 
crossed  my  path,  even  if  was  nothin'  but 
snow  in  the  winter.  All  the  time  't  he  was 
talkin'  I  was  thinkin',  'n'  I  tell  you,  Mrs. 
Lathrop,  it's  pretty  hard  work  to  smile  'n' 
look  interested  in  a  man's  meanderin's  while 
you  're  tryin'  to  figure  on  how  you  can  will 
your  money  safe  away  from  him.  I  was  n't 
calc'latin'  on  havin'  Deacon  White  get  any 
of  my  money,  I  c'n  tell  you,  an'  I  meant  to 
30 


THE  AUTOMOBILE 

have  that  understood  right  in  the  beginnin'- 
Maybe  he  wouldn't  'a'  liked  it;  but  if  he 
had  n't  V  liked  it,  he  c'd  'a'  give  me  right 
square  up.  Lord  knows,  I  never  was  after 
him  with  no  net ;  I  don't  set  about  gettin' 
what  I  want  that  way.  'N'  I  never  for  one 
minute  have  thought  o'  wantin'  the  deacon. 
I  'm  used  to  lookin'  everythin'  square  in  the 
face,  'n'  no  one  as  has  got  eyes  could  look 
the  deacon  in  the  face  'n'  want  him.  'N'  the 
more  they  turned  him  round  'n'  round, 
the  less  they'd  want  him.  It  ain't  in  rea 
son  's  the  friend  could  be  found  to  deny  't 
he  's  as  bow-legged  as  they  make  'em.  An' 
then  there 's  his  ears !  A  woman  could, 
maybe,  overlook  the  bow-legs  if  she  held 
the  newspaper  high  enough ;  but  I  don't 
believe 's  any  one  in  kingdom  come  could 
overlook  them  ears.  Mr.  Kimball  says 
Belgian  hares  an'  Deacon  White  's  both 
designed  to  be  catched  by  their  ears.  I 
looked  at  him  to-day  'n'  figured  on  maybe 


MRS.  LATHROPS  LOVE  AFFAIR 

tryin*  to  tame  'em  in  a  little  with  a  tape 
nightcap ;  but  then  I  says  to  myself,  I  says : 
'  No ;  if  he  's  to  be  my  husband,  I  '11  prob 
ably  have  so  much  to  overlook  that  them 
ears  '11  soon  be  mice  to  the  mountain  o'  the 
rest,'  an'  so  I  give  up  the  idea.  I  had 
bother  enough  with  tryin'  to  see  where  I  'd 
put  him,  fer  I  certainly  would  n't  consider 
movin'  down  to  his  house  for  a  minute,  'n' 
it  was  a  question 's  to  a  stove  in  father's 
room  or  givin'  him  double  windows  for  a 
weddin'  present. 

"  'N'  then,  all  of  a  sudden,  he  come  out 
with  wantin'  you  ! 

"Well,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  I  jumped — I 
really  did.  Him  so  tidy  'n'  goin'  out  on 
the  porch  half  a  dozen  times  a  day  to  brush 
up  the  seeds  under  the  bird-cage  — 'n' 
wantin'  you!  I  could  n't  believe  my  ears  at 
first,  'n'  he  talked  quite  a  while,  'n'  I  didn't 
hear  a  word  he  said.  'N'  then,  when  I  did 
find  my  tongue,  I  jus'  sat  right  down  'n' 
32 


THE  AUTOMOBILE 

did  my  duty  by  him.  Mrs.  Lathrop,  you 
know  's  well 's  I  do  how  fond  I  am  o'  you  ; 
but  you  know,  too,  's  well  's  I  do  't  no 
woman  's  calls  herself  a  Christian  c'd  sit 
silent  an'  let  a  man  keep  on  supposin'  't  he 
c'd  be  happy  with  you.  I  talked  kind, 
but  I  took  no  fish-bones  out  'o  the  truth. 
I  give  him  jus'  my  own  observation,  'n*  no 
more.  I  told  him  't  it  was  n't  in  me  to  try 
to  fool  even  a  deacon ;  an'  so  when  I  said 
frank  and  free  't  even  your  very  cats  soon 
give  up  washin'  their  faces,  he  c'd  depend 
upon  its  bein'  so.  I  says  to  him,  I  says : 
c  Deacon  White,  there's  lots  o'  worse  things 
'n  bein'  unmarried,  'n'  if  you  marry  Mrs. 
Lathrop  you  '11  learn  every  last  one  of  'em. 
Your  first  wife  was  deaf,'  I  says,  '  'n'  Mrs. 
Lathrop  c'n  hear.  She  's  a  very  good  hearer, 
too,'  I  says  (for  you  know  's  I  'd  never  be 
one  to  run  you  down,  Mrs.  Lathrop);  c  but 
anythin'  's  is  more  of  a'  effort  than  listenin' 
never  gets  done  in  her  house.  You  're  tidy 
3  33 


MRS.  LATHROP'S  LOVE  AFFAIR 

in  your  ways,  Deacon  White/  I  says;  'any 
one  as 's  ever  passed  when  you  was  hangin' 
out  your  dish-towels  'd  swear  to  that ;  an' 
such  bein'  the  case,  how  c'd  you  ever  be 
happy  with  them  's  spreads  their  wash  on 
the  currant-bushes  or  lets  it  blow  to  the 
dogs  ?  '  Maybe  I  was  a  little  hard  on  him, 
but  I  felt  's  it  was  then  or  never,  'n'  I  tried 
my  best  to  save  him.  It  ain't  in  nature  for 
them  's  goes  unhooked  to  ever  realize  what 
their  unhookedness  is  to  them  's  hooks,  an' 
so  it  'd  be  hopeless  to  try  to  let  you  see  why 
my  sympathies  was  so  with  the  deacon  ;  but, 
to  make  a  long  tale  short,  he  jus'  hung  on 
like  grim  death,  'n'  in  the  end  I  had  to 
give  up.  He  said  I  was  your  friend,  an'  he 
wanted  's  I  sh'd  explain  every  thin'  to  you; 
an'  to-morrow,  when  he  gets  back  from 
Meadville,  he'll  come  up  an'  get  his  answer. 
He  did  n't  ask  'f  I  thought  you  'd  have  him, 
'cause  o'  course  he  knowed  you  'd  have 
him  's  well  's  I  did.  He  said  's  he  sh'd 
34 


THE  AUTOMOBILE 

mention  it  about  town  to  keep  any  women 
from  takin'  the  same  train  with  him.  He 
says  he  has  n't  been  anywhere  by  himself 
for  ever  so  long.  He  says  jus'  as  soon  's 
he  's  married  he  's  goin'  off  for  a  good  long 
trip,  all  alone." 

Susan  ceased  speaking  for  a  little ;  Mrs. 
Lathrop  looked  dazed  and  dubious. 

"  It 's  so  unex —  "  she  said  slowly. 

"  The  beginnin'  o'  gettin'  married  always 
is,"  said  her  friend;  "but  it's  all  there  is 
about  it  's  is  even  unexpected.  It 's  all  cut 
an'  dried  from  there  on.  Once  you  take 
a  man,  nothin'  's  ever  sudden  no  more. 
Folks  expects  all  sorts  o'  pleasant  surprises ; 
everybody  seems  to  get  married  for  better, 
an'  then  get  along  for  worse.  They  begin  by 
imaginin'  a  lot  'n'  then  lookin'  for  the  thing 
to  be  'way  beyond  the  imaginin' ;  it  ain't  long 
afore  they  see  't  their  imaginin'  was  'way  be 
yond  the  thing,  'n'  after  that  they  soon  have 
it  all  on  top  o'  them  to  carry  till  they  die." 
35 


MRS.  LATHROP  S  LOVE  AFFAIR 

"  I  never  was  no  great  hand  at  marryin'," 
said  Mrs.  Lathrop,  faintly.  "  I  was  pro 
pelled  into  it  the  first  —  " 

"  Well,  nobody  ain't  propellin'  you  this 
time,"  said  Miss  Clegg.  "I'm  hangin' 
back  on  your  skirts,  with  my  heels  stuck  in 
's  far  's  they  '11  go."  She  rose  as  she  spoke. 

"I  don't  know  what  I  shall  — "  began 
the  older  woman,  looking  up  at  the  younger. 

"  You  've  got  all  to-morrow  to  decide. 
He  won't  be  back  till  five  o'clock.  I 
should  n't  worry,  'f  I  was  you.  O'  course, 
it 's  your  last  love  affair,  probably,  'n'  you 
want  to  get  's  much  's  you  can  out  of  it ; 
but  I  don't  see  no  call  to  fret  any.  He 
ain't  frettin'.  He's  jus'  in  a  hurry  to  get 
married,  'n'  get  rid  o'  Gran'ma  Mullins  'n' 
Mrs.  Macy  an'  Polly  Ann  an'  'Liza  Em'ly, 
'n'  get  started  on  that  nice  long  trip  he  's 
goin'  on  alone." 

"  I  shall  think  — "  murmured  Mrs. 
Lathrop.  f 

36 


Susan  was  decking  herself  for  going 
home. 

"  I  won't  be  over  in  the  mornin',"  she 
said  as  she  tied  on  her  cap ;  "  I  've  got 
errands  down-town ;  but  I  '11  come  over 
after  dinner." 

"  Good-by,"  said  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  Good-by,"  said  her  friend. 

It  was  somewhat  warmer  the  next  morn 
ing.  Mrs.  Lathrop  began  the  day  on  a  cup 
of  extra-strong  coffee,  and  continued  it  in  an 
unusual  mood  of  clearing  up.  Pier  kitchen 
was  really  very  close  to  exemplary  when  two 
o'clock  arrived,  and  she  took  up  her  knitting 
to  wait  for  the  promised  visitation. 

It  matured  about  half-past  the  hour. 
The  visitor  brought  her  knitting,  too. 

"Well,  Mrs.   Lathrop,"  she  said    pleas 
antly  on  entering,  "  if  it  wasn't  for  the  auto 
mobile,  you  'n'  the  deacon  'd  surely  be  the 
talk  o'  the  town  this  day." 
37 


MRS.  LATHROPS  LOVE  AFFAIR 

"Whose  aut—  ?" 

"  Nobody  's  ;  jus'  two  men's.  One  steers 
in  goggles,  'n'  the  other  jumps  in  'n'  out 
'n'  settles  for  the  damages.  I  see  it  first  on 
my  way  down-town  this  morning ;  only,  as 
a  matter  of  fact,  I  did  n't  see  it,  'n'  it  was 
nigh  to  tootin'  right  over  me,  only  I  jumped 
in  the  nick  o'  time,  'n'  it  went  over  my  over 
shoe  an'  split  the  heel  open.  I  c'n  assure 
you  I  was  glad  I  was  wearin'  father's  over 
shoes,  as  c'n  come  off  so  easy,  when  I  saw 
the  split  heel ;  an'  them  men  was  as  polite  's 
could  be,  churned  backward  right  off,  'n' 
settled  with  me  for  a  quarter.  I  can  easy 
sew  up  the  heel  myself,  so  I  went  on  down 
town  feelin*  pretty  good.  There  ain't  many 
things  about  me  't  I  can  sew  up  as  I 
would  n't  split  for  a  quarter  any  day.  The 
automobile  went  on  ahead,  'n'  by  the  time 
I  got  to  the  square  it  had  had  time  to  run 
down  the  minister. 

"  He  was  crossin'  from  Mr.  Kimball's  to 
38 


THE  AUTOMOBILE 

Mr.  Dill's,  an'  stopped  short  for  fear  it  'd 
run  over  him.  Not  knowin'  the  minister's 
make-up,  they  'd  calc'lated  on  his  goin'  on 
when  he  see  a'  automobile  comin';  an'  so  it 
was  all  over  him  in  a  jiffy.  I  don'  know 
what  his  wife  '11  ever  say,  f 'r  his  hat  is  com 
pletely  bu'st.  However,  they  settled  with 
him  —  hat,  feelin's,  an'  all  —  for  ten  dollars, 
an'  he  went  on  over  to  Mr.  Dill's.  I  said 
't  if  I  was  his  wife  I  'd  anchor  him  in 
the  middle  o'  the  square  'n'  let  automobiles 
run  up  'n'  down  him  all  day  long  at  that 
price.  I  said  it  to  Mrs.  Craig;  she  come 
up  to  ask  me  'f  it  was  really  true  about  you 
an'  the  deacon.  She  says  no  one  can  believe 
it  o'  the  deacon.  She  says  Mr.  Jilkins 
was  in  town  last  night,  'n'  he  was  very  mad 
when  he  heard  of  it.  He  thinks  it 's  a  re 
flection.  He  says  folks  '11  say  it  looks  like 
his  sister  was  n't  wife  enough  for  one  man. 
I  told  her  nobody  could  n't  say  nothin' 
about  it  't  I  would  n't  agree  to,  considerm' 
39 


MRS.  LATHROFS  LOVE  AFFAIR 

your  age  an'  his  ears.  I  told  her  't  it 
did  n't  seem  to  me  's  marryin'  was  anyways 
necessary  to  the  business  o'  the  world.  If 
mother  'd  never  married,  neither  she  nor 
me  'd  ever  of  had  all  them  years  o'  work 
with  father.  She  says  this  about  you  V 
the  deacon  was  stirrin'  up  the  town  a  lot. 
She  says  there  's  a  good  deal  o'  bitter  feelin'. 
Seems  Mrs.  Allen  never  charged  him 
nothin'  for  his  meals  on  account  o'  Polly, 
an'  Gran'ma  Mullins  made  him  a  whole  set 
o'  shirts  for  nothin'  on  account  o'  the  nut 
'n'  the  daguerre'type,  'n'  Mrs.  Macy  did 
up  all  his  currants  fer  nothin'  on  account  o' 
herself.  She  says  Mr.  Kimball  says  he 
wonders  what  the  deacon  's  a-expectin'  to 
get  out  o'  you. 

"  We  went  across  to  look  at  the  auto 
mobile  together.  It  was  standin'  still  in 
front  o'  the  drug-store,  'n'  the  men  was  in 
buyin'  cigarettes  an'  gettin'  their  bottles 
filled.  I  guess  half  the  community  was 
40 


THE  AUTOMOBILE 

standin'  round  lookin'  at  it  an'  discussin'  it. 
It's  a  brand-new  one,  for  the  price-tag 
's  still  hangin'  on  the  back.  Billy  said  it 
was  a  bargain,  but  it  struck  me  's  pretty 
high.  They  had  a  wheel  's  'd  come  off 
hung  on  behind,  'n'  nobody  could  n't  see 
where  it  'd  come  off  of.  Mr.  Fisher  got 
down  an'  crawled  in  underneath,  an'  while 
he  was  under  there  the  men  come  out. 
They  asked  what  Mr.  Fisher  was  tryin'  to 
do,  an'  when  Billy  told  'em,  they  laughed. 

"  They  said  that  wheel  was  in  case  o'  acci 
dents.  John  Bunyan  spoke  right  up  an' 
said,  '  Why,  does  the  accidents  ever  happen 
to  the  automobile?1  'N'  the  men  laughed 
some  more.  Then  they  got  in  'n'  started 
to  start,  'n'  it  would  n'  start.  It  snuffed  'n' 
chuffed  to  beat  the  band,  but  it  would  n't 
budge  for  love  nor  money  nor  the  man  in 
goggles.  He  jerked  'n'  twisted,  'n'  then 
all  of  a  sudden  it  run  backward,  'n'  went 
over  Mr.  Dill's  dog  's  was  asleep  in  the 


MRS.  LATHROPS  LOVE  AFFAIR 

way,  'n'  into  the  lamp-post,  'n'  bu'st  the 
post  off  short.  Well,  you  never  see  the 
beat !  They  wanted  to  settle  the  dog  for 
the  same  's  the  minister,  but  Mr.  Dill 
would  n't  hear  to  it  for  a  minute,  'cause  he 
said  his  dog  was  worth  suthin'.  Judge 
Fitch  come  up  'n'  said  the  town  'd  want 
three  dollars  for  the  lamp-post,  'n'  they 
paid  that,  'n'  then  they  tried  to  arbitrate  the 
dog;  'n'  in  the  end  Mr.  Dill  took  eleven 
dollars  an'  fifteen  cents,  'cause  his  collar  's 
still  good.  Then  they  got  into  the  auto 
mobile  again  an'  twisted  the  crank  the  other 
way,  an'  it  kited  across  the  square  an'  right 
over  Gran'ma  Mullins.  She  was  on  her 
way  to  ask  if  it  was  true  about  you  'n'  the 
deacon,  an'  it  was  plain  's  she  wa'n't  in  no 
disposition  to  enjoy  bein'  run  over  by 
nothin'.  I  never  see  her  so  nigh  to  bein' 
real  put  out ;  'n'  even  after  they  'd  settled 
with  her  for  five  dollars,  she  still  did  n't  look 
a  bit  pleased  or  happy.  Mrs.  Craig  'n'  me 
42 


THE  AUTOMOBILE 

went  with  her  into  Mr.  Shores'  'n'  helped 
her  straighten  her  bonnet  'n'  take  a  drink  o' 
water,  'n'  then  she  said  she  s'posed  it  was 
true  about  you  an'  the  deacon,  'n'  't,  so 
help  her  Heaven,  she  never  would  V 
believed  's  either  o'  you  had  so  little  sense. 
She  said  to  tell  you  't  all  she 's  got  to  say  is 
't  if  he  deceives  you  like  he  's  deceived  her, 
you  '11  know  how  it  feels  to  have  him 
deceive  you 's  well  's  she  knows  how  it 
feels  to  of  had  him  deceive  her.  She  says 
she 's  goin'  to  take  a  hammer  an'  smash 
that  nut  'n'  that  daguerre'type  into  a  thou 
sand  smithereens  this  very  afternoon." 

"  I  'm  sorry  's  —  "  said  Mrs.  Lathrop, 
regretfully. 

"  While  we  was  sittin'  there  talkin',  in 
come  Mrs.  Macy,  with  her  cat  over  her 
arm,  to  ask  if  there  was  enough  of  it  left  to 
make  a  muff.  Seems  't  when  the  automo 
bile  headed  out  o'  town  they  come  on  the 
cat  crossin'  the  road,  'n'  afore  she  knew  's 
43 


MRS.  LATHROPS  LOVE  AFFAIR 

there  was  a  death  in  the  family  they  was 
tryin'  to  settle  the  cat  at  a  dollar.  Said 
she  never  see  the  beat  o'  the  way  the  cat 
was  ironed  flat ;  she  jus'  stood  'n'  stared, 
'n'  then  they  offered  her  two  dollars.  She 
took  the  two  dollars  an'  come  to  town,  'n' 
'f  there  ain't  enough  for  a  muff,  she  '11  have 
a  cap  with  the  tail  over  her  ear.  She  wanted 
to  know  if  it  was  true  about  you  'n'  the 
deacon,  an'  she  tried  to  swing  the  cat  around 
's  if  she  did  n't  care,  but  it  was  easy  seen 
she  did.  She  said  she  would  n't  have  the 
deacon  for  a  gift,  'n'  I  told  her  's  there  was 
others  havin'  to  admit  the  same  thing.  I 
says  to  her,  I  says:  £  There's  a  good  many 
in  this  town  's  won't  have  the  deacon,  but  it 
ain't  for  lack  o'  tryin'  to  get  him,  Lord 
knows.'  Jus'  then  we  see  the  man  with  the 
cap  's  does  the  settlin'  for  damages  tearin'  by 
the  window  afoot.  We  run  to  the  door  an' 
sec  him  grab  Mr.  Sweet's  bicycle  'n'  ride 
away  on  it ;  'n'  it  did  n't  take  no  great 
44 


THE  AUTOMOBILE 

brains  to  guess  's  suthin*  fresh  had  happened 
under  the  automobile.  A  little  while  after 
the  man  with  goggles  an'  Mr.  Jilkins  come 
walkin'  into  the  square,  a-leadin'  Mr.  Jil- 
kins's  horse.  The  horse  was  pretty  well 
splintered  up,  'n'  the  harness  was  hangin* 
all  out  o'  tune ;  the  man  with  goggles 
looked  to  be  upset,  'n'  Mr.  Jilkins  looked 
like  he  'd  been  upset  'n'  was  awful  mad  over 
it.  Every  one  went  to  know  what  it  was  ; 
an'  I  will  say,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  's  I  never  hear 
such  a  story  o'  unforeseen  miseries  pilin'  up. 
Seems  't  when  Mr.  Jilkins  went  home  las' 
night  'n'  told  his  wife  about  you  'n'  the 
deacon,  they  decided  to  come  to  town  right 
off  to-day  'n'  try  to  argue  common  sense 
into  him.  Mr.  Jilkins  said  't  he  was  n't 
afraid  o'  the  property  goin'  out  o'  the 
family,  'cause  you  'n'  the  deacon  could  n't 
naturally  expect  nothin'  but  grandchildren 
at  your  age;  but  he  said  they  jus'  didn't 
want  him  married,  'n'  they  was  goin'  to  see 
45 


MRS.  LATHROP^S  LOVE  AFFAIR 

't  he  did  n't  get  drug  into  it.  So  they  took 
the  horse  'n'  the  colt  an'  the  democrat  'n' 
started  up  to  town  this  mornin',  'n'  jus* 
beyond  the  bridge  they  met  the  automobile 
warmin'  up  from  Mrs.  Macy  'n'  her  cat. 
Mr.  Jilkins  says  his  horse  ain't  afraid  o' 
nothin'  on  earth  only  threshin'-machines, 
men  asleep,  'n'  bicycles;  but  it  never  'd 
seen  a'  automobile  afore,  'n'  it  jumped  right 
into  it.  Well,  him  in  goggles  'n'  his  friend 
in  damages  jumped  right  out,  'n'  the  auto 
mobile  run  into  the  fence  an'  run  over  the 
colt,  'n'  spilled  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Jilkins  'n' 
the  horse  all  out.  The  horse  fell  down  'n' 
Mrs.  Jilkins  could  n't  get  up,  'n'  the  man 
in  the  cap  wanted  to  settle  for  five  hundred 
dollars  right  on  the  spot.  Then  they  went 
to  work  an'  got  the  tool-box,  'n'  got  the 
horse  up,  'n'  he  seemed  to  be  all  right,  only 
pretty  badly  marred ;  an*  they  backed  the 
automobile  out  o'  trie  fence  an'  give  Mrs. 
Jilkins  a  drink  out  o'  their  bottle,  'n'  tucked 
46 


THE  AUTOMOBILE 

her  up  warm  in  the  seat,  an'  then  set  to 
work  on  the  democrat.  They  was  gettin' 
everythin'  all  straightened  out  neat  's  a  pin 
when,  all  of  a  sudden,  Mrs.  Jilkins  give  a 
yell,  an'  they  looked  up  to  see  the  automo 
bile  kitin'  off  up  the  hill,  'n'  her  screamin' 
an'  wavin'  her  hands ;  'n'  the  next  thing 

they  see,  she  went  over  the  top  o'  the  hill 

>   >  >    •  i  i.  » 

n   out  o   sight. 

Miss  Clegg  stopped;  Mrs.  Lathrop  drew 
in  her  breath. 

"  Well,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  seems  to  me  I 
never  hear  nothin'  to  equal  that  in  all  my 
born  days.  Mrs.  Jilkins  off  in  a'  automo 
bile  alone  !  'N'  the  man  in  the  cap  see  it 
jus'  's  I  did,  for  he  wanted  to  settle  for  a 
thousand,  spot  cash,  then  'n'  there.  But 
Mr.  Jilkins  would  n't  settle ;  there  Ts  no 
denyin'  Mr.  Jilkins  saw  what  a  good 
thing  he  'd  got  when  his  wife  went  off 
in  that  automobile ;  so  then  the  man  in 
the  cap  hustled  in  town,  got  a  bicycle, 
47 


MRS.  LATHROP'S  LOVE  AFFAIR 

'n'  scurried  after  her  's  fast  's  he  could 
paddle." 

"  Did  they  find  —  ?  "  inquired  Mrs.  La- 
throp. 

"  Not  when  I  come  home  they  had  n't. 
The  man  in  goggles  had  took  Mr.  Jilkins 
to  the  hotel  for  dinner,  'n'  Mr.  Jilkins  was 
tickled  to  death,  for  he  never  eat  in  a  hotel 
in  his  life  before.  If  he  goes  off,  he  always 
gets  back,  or  else  takes  a  lunch." 

"  Are  you  goin  '  ?  "   Mrs.  Lathrop  asked. 

"  Yes ;  I  'm  goin'  down-town  again.  I  'm 
goin'  right  now.  I  want  to  know  the  end 
's  Mrs.  Jilkins  made.  'N'  there  's  lots  o' 
people  's  ain't  had  no  chance  yet  to  ask  me 
if  it 's  true  about  you  'n'  the  deacon." 

"When's  he  a-com — ?"  Mrs.  Lathrop 
asked. 

"  On   the  five-o'clock ;  'n'  he  said  's   he 

sh'd  come  straight  up  here  to  settle  it  all. 

I*  s'pose  you've  turned  the  subjeck  round 

an'    round    'n'    upside    down    till    you  've 

48 


THE  AUTOMOBILE 

come  out  jus'  where  I  said  you  would  at 
first." 

"I  guess  I  '11  take  —  " 

"  I  would  'f  I  was  you.  Mr.  Kimball 
says  Deacon  White  's  as  good  help  's  any 
woman  can  hope  to  get  hold  o'  in  a  place 
this  size,  an'  I  guess  he  's  hit  that  nail  square 
on  top.  I  don't  see  but  what,  when  all 's 
said  an'  done,  you  can  really  take  a  deal  o' 
comfort  havin'  him  so  handy.  He  likes  to 
keep  things  clean,  'n'  you  '11  never  let  him 
get  a  chance  to  go  to  Satan  emptyhanded. 
'N'  we  can  always  send  him  to  bed  when 
we  want  to  talk,  'cause  bein'  's  he  '11  be  your 
husband,  we  won't  never  have  to  fuss  with 
considerin'  his  feelin's  any." 

"I  —  "  said  Mrs.  Lathrop,  thoughtfully. 

"  O'  course  there  would  n't  be  nothin' 
very  romantic  in  marryin'  the  deacon  ;  'n' 
yet,  when  you  come  right  square  down  to 
it,  I  don't  see  no  good  'n'  sufficient  reasons 
for  long  hair  bein'  romantic  an'  big  ears  not. 
4  49 


MRS.  LATHROP  S  LOVE  AFFAIR 

Anyway,  I  sh'd  consider  't  a  man  's  can 
clean  a  sink,  'n'  will  clean  a  sink,  was  a 
sight  safer  to  marry  'n  one  's  whose  big  hit 
was  standin'  up  the  ends  o'  his  mustache. 
'N'  besides,  you  can  have  the  man  with 
the  sink,  'n'  the  man  with  the  mustache 
would  n't  even  turn  round  to  look  at  you 
the  first  time." 

"I  —  "  said  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  Romance  is  a  nice  thing  in  its  place. 
I  Ve  had  my  own  romances  —  four  on  'em, 
—  'n'  not  many  women  can  say  that  'n' 
still  be  unmarried,  I  guess.  I  Ve  lived  'n' 
I  Ve  loved,  as  the  books  say ;  'n'  I  Ve  sur 
vived,  as  I  say  myself;  'n'  you  can  believe 
me  or  not,  jus'  as  you  please,  Mrs.  Lathrop, 
but  I  ain't  got  no  feelin'  toward  you  this  night 
but  pity.  I  would  n't  be  you  if  I  could  — 
not  now  'n'  not  never.  I  'd  really  liefer  be 
the  deacon,  'n'  Heaven  knows  't  he  's  got 
little  enough  to  look  forward  to  hereafter." 

"I  —  "  expostulated  Mrs.  Lathrop. 
50 


THE  AUTOMOBILE 

"  Well,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  if  you  keep  me 
here  much  longer,  I  sha'n't  get  down-town 
this  afternoon ;  'n'  when  you  think  how 
near  Mrs.  Jilkins  's  comin'  to  bein'  related 
to  you,  it  certainly  will  look  very  strange 
to  the  community." 

As  she  spoke,  Miss  Clegg  rapidly  pre 
pared  herself  for  the  street,  and  with  the  last 
words  she  went  toward  the  door. 

"  If  the  deacon  gets  here  afore  I  come 
back,"  she  said,  pausing  with  her  hand  on 
the  knob,  "  you  'd  better  say  's  what  he  told 
me  yesterday  in  confidence  'n'  what  I  told 
him  in  consequence  is  still  a  secret ;  it  '11  be 
pleasanter  for  you  both  so." 

"I  — "  said  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  Good-by,"  said  Susan. 

Mrs.  Lathrop  slept  some  that  afternoon 
and  rocked  more.  She  experienced  no  very 
marked  flutterings  in  the  region  of  her 
heart ;  indeed,  she  was  astonished  herself  at 
the  calmness  of  her  sensations. 


MRS.  LATHROP'S  LOVE  AFFAIR 

The  deacon  had  not  come  when  Susan 
returned.  Susan  looked  somewhat  puzzled. 

"Anybody  been  here  since  me?"  she 
inquired,  not  facing  her  friend,  but  examin 
ing  the  stovepipe  with  interest. 

"No;  no—" 

"  Mrs.  Jilkins  is  all  safe,"  she  said  next. 

"  I  'm  so  —  " 

"  That  automobile  run  'way  past  Cherry 
Pond,  'n'  their  hired  man  see  her  ridin*  by 
'n'  made  after  her  on  a  mule.  The  gaso 
lene  give  out  before  the  mule  did,  so  he 
hauled  her  home,  'n'  the  man  in  the  cap 
come  'n'  took  the  automobile  back  to 
town." 

"So  it 'sail  —  " 

"  They  all  landed  over  at  the  drug-store 
'n'  got  in  'n'  started  out  fresh.  Mr.  Jil 
kins  settled  for  the  five  hundred,  'n'  they 
went  off  feelin'  real  friendly.  They  run  out 
across  the  square,  an'  then  — "  Susan  hesi 
tated.  "  You  got  a  shock  yesterday,"  she 
52 


said,  still  not  looking  at  her  friend,  but 
speaking  sympathetically,  "  'n'  it  seems  too 
bad  to  give  you  another  to-day  ;  but  you  '11 
have  to  know  —  " 

"  Heaven  pro —  "  cried  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  They  run  over  the  deacon  comin'  out 
o*  the  station.  They  did  n't  see  him,  an' 
he  did  n't  see  them.  He  ain't  dead." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  was  silent. 

"  Mrs.  Allen  took  him  home.  Of  course 
that  means  Polly  '11  get  him  in  the  end." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  was  silent  for  a  long  time. 
Finally  she  said  very  deliberately : 

"  Maybe  it 's  just  as  —  " 

"It's  better,"  said  her  friend,  with  de 
cision  ;  "  for  the  man  settled  with  the  deacon 
for  fifteen  hundred." 


53 


OLD    MAN    ELY'S    PROPOSAL 


OLD    MAN    ELY'S    PROPOSAL 

MRS.  LATHROP  had  been  dumb 
founded  to  see  a  horse  and  wagon 
being  driven  into  her  neighbor's 
yard  a  little  before  noon  one  warm  spring 
day.  Her  eyesight  was  not  good  enough 
to  identify  the  horse's  driver,  but  she  hung 
breathlessly  in  her  kitchen  window  and 
peered  gaspingly  out  upon  his  boldness  and 
daring  during  the  whole  four  minutes  that 
it  took  him  to  hitch  to  a  clothes-pole  ;  and 
then,  when  the  fell  deed  was  accomplished, 
she  watched  him  go  in  by  the  kitchen  door, 
and  waited,  with  a  confidence  born  of  a 
very  good  understanding  of  her  neighbor's 
views  as  to  driving  in  and  hitching,  to  see 
him  cast  ignominiously  forth  by  Miss 


57 


OLD  MAN  ELTS  PROPOSAL 

But  even  that  omniscience  of  a  friend's 
habits  which  may  be  acquired  during  a  next- 
door  residence  for  years  sometimes  fails, 
and  Mrs.  Lathrop,  after  an  hour  of  more 
or  less  active  bobbing  in  the  window  that 
commanded  the  best  view  of  the  rear  of  the 
house  on  the  other  side  of  the  fence,  was 
forced  to  see  that  the  caller,  whoever  he 
might  be,  was  not  cast  forth,  and  a  further 
hour's  attention  showed  that  he  did  not  quit 
the  premises  either  just  before  or  just  after 
dinner.  When  Mrs.  Lathrop  had  quite 
settled  the  last  point  to  her  complete  satis 
faction  and  un-understanding,  she  decided 
to  give  up  watching  and  to  go  to  sleep  as 
usual.  She  slept  until  four  in  the  after 
noon,  and  when  she  awoke  and  hurried  to 
the  window  the  horse  and  wagon  were  gone. 
Susan  seemed  gone  too,  for  her  house  looked 
very  shut  up  and  sounded  more  than  silent. 
So  Mrs.  Lathrop  went  back  forthwith  to 
her  chair  and  slept  again,  and  the  next  time 
58 


OLD  MAN  ELY'S  PROPOSAL 

she  awakened  it  was  her  friend's  voice  that 
awakened  her,  as  the  latter  stood  over  her 
and  demanded  briskly, 

"  Well,  did  you  see  him  ?  " 

"I  —  oh  —  oh  —  I  —  "  began  Mrs.  Lath- 
rop,  vaguely. 

"  I  thought  you  could  n't  but  see  him," 
said  Susan,  "  hitchin'  his  horse  to  one  o' 
my  clothes-poles  as  large  as  life.  If  it 'd 
been  any  day  in  his  life  but  this  one  I  'd 
surely  of  told  him  frank  'n'  open  my  views 
on  hitchin'  to  my  clothes-poles,  but  bein'  as 
it  was  to-day  I  only  told  him  my  views  on 
drivin'  over  my  grass." 

"  But  —  "  began  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  The  horse  did  n't  bite  the  pole,"  con 
tinued  Susan  ;  "  he  said  as  he  wa'n't  no  crib- 
ber.  I  told  him  it  wa'n't  cribs  as  was  the 
question,  but  clothes-poles,  an'  I  might  of 
spoken  some  stronger,  but  just  then  he 
stepped  on  the  edge  of  the  cistern  cover  'n' 
I  got  such  a  turn  as  drove  everythin'  else 
59 


OLD  MAN  ELY'S  PROPOSAL 

clean  out  o'  my  mind.  You  know  how 
easy  it  is  to  turn  that  cover,  Mrs.  Lathrop, 
V  I  must  say  that  if  he  and  it  had  fell  in 
together  there  'd  have  been  a  fine  tale  to  tell, 
for  the  cover  always  sinks  straight  to  the 
bottom,  'n'  is  no  joke  to  find  'n'  fish  up, — 
you  and  I  both  know  that.  Ever  since  the 
brace  give  way  I  've  always  got  it  on  my 
mind  to  keep  the  clothes-bars  sittin'  over  it, 
but  now  the  brace  in  the  clothes-bars  is  give 
way  too  'n'  as  a  consequence  they  won't  sit 
over  nothin'  no  more.  If  money  was  looser 
I  'd  certainly  never  spare  it  gettin'  them  two 
braces  mended,  but  money  bein'  tight  and 
me  alone  in  the  house  'n'  the  most  of  my 
callers  them  as  it 's  all  one  to  me  whether  I 
see  'em  in  the  parlor  or  in  the  cistern,  I 
ain't  botherin'.  I  was  never  one  to  worry 
an'  scurry  unnecessarily,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  an' 
you  know  that  as  well  as  I  do,  'n'  to-day  I 
had  my  mind  all  done  up  in  my  curtains 
anyway,  'n'  I  was  more  'n'  a  little  put  out 
60 


OLD  MAN  ELY'S  PROPOSAL 

over  bein'  interrupted,  even  by  a  man 
as  come  in  through  the  woodshed  door, 
that  I  never  bolt  'cause  it's  a  understood 
thing  as  woodshed  doors  is  not  to  be  come 
in  at.  The  turn  he  give  me  when  I  hear 
him  clutterin'  aroun'  in  the  woodshed  !  —  I 
thought  he  was  rats,  an'  then  a  cat,  an'  then 
a  rat  an'  a  cat  come  together,  an'  then  all  of 
a  sudden  I  see  him  an'  remembered  the  cis 
tern  cover." 

"But  who  —  "  asked  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

Susan  looked  surprised. 

"  Why,  I  thought  you  said  you  seen 
him,"  she  said ;  "  you  certainly  give  me  that 
impression,  Mrs.  Lathrop.  I  'd  have  took 
any  vow  anywhere  as  I  asked  you  if  you 
seen  him  'n'  you  said  you  did.  It's  funny 
if  you  did  n't  for  he  drove  hisself  in  'n' 
hitched  hisself  too,  'n'  me  up  in  the  garret 
when  he  done  it,  foldin'  off  my  curtains  to 
iron.  My,  to  think  how  I  did  hate  the 
idea  o'  ironin'  them  curtains  !  Mother  al- 
61 


OLD  MAN  ELTS  PROPOSAL 

ways  ironed  the  curtains.  She  said  I  was 
young  n'  she  did  n't  mind  anyhow.  I 
ain't  washed  'em  since.  I  've  been  in  the 
habit  o'  sayin'  I  was  afraid  it'd  bring 
mother  over  me  too  much  to  take  'em 
down  without  her.  That 's  a  thing  as  this 
community  can  easy  understand,  f'r  they 
leave  all  their  hard  work  layin'  around  for 
any  reason  a  tall,  and  although  I  can't  in 
reason  deny  as  in  most  ways  they  're  as  dif 
ferent  from  me  as  anything  can  be 'from  me, 
still  when  it  comes  to  ironin'  curtains  the 
stove  is  as  hot  on  the  just  as  on  the  unjust 
'n'  you  can't  mention  nothin'  hotter." 

"Did  you  — "  said  Mrs.  Lathrop,  sym 
pathetically. 

"Well,  I  sh'd  say  I  did.  What  I  set 
out  to  do  I  always  do  whether  it 's  curtains 
or  Mr.  Kimball.  Mr.  Kimball  has  got  a 
great  idea  as  to  his  sharpness,  but  I  guess  if 
our  sharp  ends  was  under  a  microscope, 
he'd  be  the  needle  an'  me  the  bee-sting 
62 


OLD  MAN  ELY'S  PROPOSAL 

most  every  day.  It  was  too  bad  you 
wasn't  to  that  lecture,  Mrs.  Lathrop, —  I 
did  learn  a  great  deal.  Nqt  just  about  the 
sting,  but  some  very  handy  things.  It 
seems  if  you  go  among  'em  quietly,  they  '11 
let  you  take  the  honey  out  any  time  'n' 
you  can  buy  the  queens  by  mail  in  a  box 
'n'  they  '11  lay  a  whole  hive  alone  by  them 
selves  in  no  time.  Mrs.  Macy  said  she 
thought  some  of  sendin'  for  one  or  two 
queens  'n'  settin'  'em  up  in  business  in 
bushel  baskets,  but  when  she  went  home 
'n'  looked  the  baskets  over  'n'  thought 
what  work  it'd  be  to  clean  the  honey  out 
of  'em  each  fall  she  give  up  the  idea.  She 's 
going  to  set  out  a  orange  tree  in  a  flower 
pot  instead.  It  says  in  the  £  Ladies'  Home 
Diary  '  as  they  grow  very  nicely  so." 

"  But  who  —  "  interrupted  Mrs.  Lathrop, 
wrinkling  up  her  face  somewhat  over  the 
long  strain  on  her  eager  attentiveness. 

"  But  I  thought  you  said  you  seen  him," 
63 


OLD  MAN  ELTS  PROPOSAL 

said  her  friend,  with  a  second  recurrence  of 
her  surprised  expression  ;  "  did  n't  you  see 
him  when  you  see  him  drivin'  in  ?  He  was 
holdin'  the  reins  at  the  big  end  o'  the 
whip,  I  should  suppose.  I  can't  well  see 
how  you  saw  everythin*  else  without  seein' 
him.  He  was  some  better  dressed  'n'  usual 
but  it  just  shows  what  bein'  left  a  widower 
does  for  a  man.  It  seems  to  somehow  put 
new  spirit  in  'em  'n'  sets  'em  to  wearin*  ties 
again.  Why,  do  you  know  when  he  come 
to  go  he  actually  asked  me  to  ride  a  piece 
with  him  'n'  show  him  which  finger-post  to 
turn  in  to,  an'  I  will  say  as,  where  I  would  n't 
of  dreamed  o'  ridin'  with  him  a  week  ago,  I 
went  to-day  an'  really  enjoyed  it.  Yes,  I 
did." 

"Was  it  —  "  cried  Mrs.  Lathrop,  with  a 
sudden  gleam  of  intuition. 

Susan  looked  surprised  for  the  third  time. 

"  Why,  of  course,"  she  said,  "  who  else 
could  it  be?"  Then  she  left  her  position 
64 


OLD  MAN  ELY'S  PROPOSAL 

near  the  door,  came  over  nearer  to  her 
friend,  took  a  chair  and  began  to  untie  her 
bonnet. 

"  I  don't  know  as  I  'm  surprised  over 
your  bein'  surprised,  Mrs.  Lathrop,"  she 
continued  in  a  slightly  milder  tone  after  a 
brief  pause  for  vocal  renovation.  "  I  will 
confess  as  I  was  really  nothin'  but  surprised 
myself.  I  supposed  as  a  matter  o'  course 
that  to-day  he  was  in  Meadville  buryin'  her, 
V  when  I  first  see  him  the  funeral  was  so 
strong  in  my  mind  as  I  thought  he  'd  druv 
over  to  maybe  borrow  father's  black  bow  for 
his  front  door.  I  made  my  mind  right  up 
to  tell  him  straight  to  his  face  as  he  could  n't 
have  it,  for  I  told  you  once  as  I  was  keepin' 
that  bow  for  you,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  an'  when 
I  promise  anybody  anythin'  I  keep  my 
word,  whether  it 's  a  receipt  or  a  bow  for 
their  own  funeral,  an'  when  I  saw  old  man 
Ely  it  did  n't  take  me  no  two  minutes  to 
keep  my  word  the  same  as  ever,  —  'n' 
5  65 


OLD  MAN  ELTS  PROPOSAL 

father's  black  bow  too.  But  laws,  he  was  n't 
after  no  bow  !  —  I  very  quickly  found  out 
as  all  as  he  was  after  was  the  funeral,  f 'r  it 
seems  as  they  was  uncommonly  spry  with  it. 
He  told  me  right  off  as  they  had  it  pretty 
prompt  too,  for  he  says  when  it  comes  to 
buryin'  a  wife  there 's  no  need  for  a  man  to 
go  slow,  'n'  so  he  had  all  Meadville  up  with 
the  lark  V  out  after  old  Mrs.  Ely.  He 
seemed  to  feel  all  of  a  sudden  as  it  was  a 
little  awkward  me  not  havin'  been  there,  but 
I  saw  how  he  felt  'n'  made  his  mind  easy 
by  tellin  'him  frank  'n'  open  that  it  was  n't 
nothin'  agin  his  wife  as  kept  me  here,  for 
when  it  come  right  square  down  to  it  I 
did  n't  know  any  one  as  I  'd  enjoy  their  fun 
eral  more  'n  gettin'  my  curtains  ironed  ;  an'  I 
may  in  truth  repeat  to  you  as  that's  so,  Mrs. 
Lathrop,  for  although  it  may  seem  hard  at 
first  hearin',  still  we  both  know  what  it  is  to 
iron  curtains,  'n'  my  motto  always  is  as  a 
live  lion  has  rights  above  a  dead  dog,  and 
66 


OLD  MAN  ELY'S  PROPOSAL 

the  proverb  says  as  the  dead  is  always  ready 
to  bury  the  dead  anyhow.  Old  man  Ely 
seemed  to  look  on  it  much  as  I  did,  for  he 
did  n't  fiddle  about  none  with  his  affairs,  but 
came  right  to  the  point  an'  told  me  fair  an' 
square  as,  not  havin'  anythin'  particular  on 
hand  after  it  was  over,  an'  seein'  clear  as  he 
was  three  miles  out  of  his  way  anyhow,  he  'd 
thought  he  'd  come  on  as  far  as  Pete  Sander 
son's  'n*  see  about  a  cow  as  he  'd  heard  Pete 
had,  'n'  then  after  that  it  looked  to  him  like 
it  was  pretty  much  a  day  for  odd  jobs  straight 
through,  so  he  come  over  here  to  get  some 
graftin's  from  our  grape-vine.  He  said  as 
father  'd  told  him  once  as  he  could  have 
some  graftin's  from  the  porch-vine  if  he  'd 
come  and  cut  'em,  'n'  so  he  was  come.  I 
told  him  as  when  it  was  n't  nothin'  more 
important  than  grape-vines  father's  words 
was  ever  my  laws ;  so  he  went  out  'n'  cut 
some  pieces  from  the  Virginia  creeper  an' 
come  in  perfectly  satisfied,  'n'  I  may  in  con- 
67 


OLD  MAN  ELTS  PROPOSAL 

fidence  remark  as  I  was  satisfied  too  for  I 
was  n't  overpleased  to  have  him  meddlirT 
with  the  porch-vine.  I  will  remark,  though, 
as  his  cuttin'  Virginia  creeper  for  grape 
vines  did  amuse  me  some,  for  it 's  been  a 
well-known  fact  for  years  as  Mrs.  Ely  was 
Mr.  Ely  in  everythin'  but  the  clothes  he 
wore,  'n'  they  say  the  way  she  managed  to 
figger-head  him  through  plantin'  'n'  harvest, 
'n'  pasture  'n'  punkins,  was  nothin'  short 
of  genius,  bred  in  the  bone  'n'  bustin'  out 
every  seam. 

"  Howsomesoever,  he  stayed  'n'  stayed 
'n'  I  ironed  'n'  ironed,  'n'  we  talked  about 
the  farm  'n'  father  'n'  how  well  he  remem 
bered  father  'n'  what  a  good  daughter  I  was 
'n'  what  a  good  wife  Mrs.  Ely  was  'n'  how 
well  he  was  goin'  to  bear  it,  'n'  I  begun  to 
wonder  when  he  was  intendin'  to  go  or 
whether  he  was  thinkin'  of  stayin'  all  day, 
'n'  at  last  there  was  nothin'  but  to  ask  him 
to  dinner,  'n'  I  was  n't  intendin'  to  have  no 
68 


OLD  MAN  ELY'S  PROPOSAL 

dinner  on  a'count  o'  the  curtains.  It 's  a 
very  hard  thing,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  when  you're 
not  intendin'  to  have  dinner  to  have  to  in 
vite  company  for  it,  but  there  did  n't  seem 
no  way  to  help  it.  I  could  n't  in  decency 
more  than  mention  as  Mrs.  Brown  was  to 
home  an'  I  knowed  as  the  Fishers  was  give 
to  Irish  stew  on  Tuesdays,  but  no,  sir,  there 
he  sat  like  a  bump  on  a  log  'n'  in  the  hind 
end  I  could  n't  but  ask  him  to  stay  'n'  have 
just  cold  pork  'n'  beans  on  a'count  o'  the 
funeral.  'N'  so  he  stayed.  I  set  my  irons 
back  with  a  heavy  heart  'n'  said  it  seemed 
like  some  days  misfortunes  never  come  sin 
gle,  for  I  'd  already  seen  a  water-bug  in 
the  kitchen  that  very  mornin' ;  but  he 
seemed  to  have  decided  to  be  thick-skinned, 
so  I  put  on  the  tea-kettle  'n'  brought  out 
the  pork  'n'  beans  'n'  we  sat  down  to  eat." 

"Was  —  "  asked  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  Well,  I  should  think  he  was,"  replied 
Susan.  "  I  never  see  such  a  appetite.  He 
69 


OLD  MAN  ELTS  PROPOSAL 

eat  pork  'n'  beans  like  he  thought  they  was 
twins  off  a  vine,  'n'  I  had  to  finally  get  up 
'n'  clear  away  to  save  any  a  tall.  I  set  the 
tea-kettle  by  him  'n'  told  him  to  end  by 
havin'  all  the  tea  he  wanted  to  pour  through 
the  leaves  by  himself,  'n'  I  went  back  to 
my  ironin'.  He  sat  there  'n'  drank  tea 
very  happy  for  a  long  spell.  Seemed  like  it 
sort  o'  thawed  him  out,  'n'  finally  he  begin 
to  talk  about  her,  'n'  once  he  got  started  on 
that  he  never  quit.  I  ironed  curtains  'n'  lis 
tened  'n'  let  him  talk.  It  was  n't  long  afore 
he  begin  to  show  the  disadvantages  o'  bein' 
dead,  for  he  said  as  he  was  always  the  practi 
cal  one  of  them  both,  'n'  he  'd  never  have 
dared  say  that  with  old  Mrs.  Ely  on  top  of 
the  earth.  I  was  amused  at  his  sayin'  it 
anyhow,  with  the  Virginia  creeper  graftin's 
there  in  a  tomato-can  bearin'  witness  agin 
him,  but  I  did  n't  say  nothin'.  He  asked 
me  if  I  'd  believe  as  she  was  really  a  very 
fair-lookin'  girl  when  they  was  married.  I 
70 


OLD  MAN  ELY'S  PROPOSAL 

could  n't  but  stop  at  that  'n'  ask  him  if  it 
was  ever  possible  as  her  nose  was  ever  any 
different,  'n'  he  had  to  say  c  No,  not  any  dif 
ferent;'  'n'  I  can  assure  you  as  he  set 'n' 
rubbed  his  chin  with  his  hand  a  long  time 
afterwards  'n'  then  drew  a  big  breath  'n'  said 
*  No,  not  any  different.'  I  felt  to  respect  his 
feelin's  'n'  did  n't  say  nothin',  'n'  after  a  while 
he  went  on  an'  said  that  they  was  very  happy 
married  on  the  whole,  'n'  then  he  rubbed  his 
chin  with  his  hand  a  nother  long  while  'n' 
said  over  again  c  on  the  whole.'  He  asked 
me  then  if  I  ever  heard  how  he  came  to 
marry  her  first  'n'  I  said  as  I  always  hear  as 
it  was  to  get  the  farm.  He  kind  of  flared  up 
at  that  'n'  said  there  never  was  nothin'  agin 
her  but  her  nose,  'n'  at  that  I  took  a  fresh 
iron  'n'  said  he  asked  me  a  plain  question  'n' 
I  give  him  a  plain  answer,  which,  considerin' 
his  horse  'n'  my  clothes-pole  'n'  her  nose, 
was  all  as  could  in  reason  be  expected  of  me. 
He  softened  down  at  that  'n'  said  as  he 


OLD  MAN  ELTS  PROPOSAL 

was  n't  by  no  means  meanin'  to  make  light  of 
his  dead  wife  's  nose,  'n'  I  said  as,  speakin' 
o'  Mrs.  Ely's  nose  bein'  the  one  thing  agin' 
her,  it  was  the  joy  of  every  other  person  as 
met  her  as  it  was  agin  her  'n'  not  agin  them, 
for  it  was  a  well-known  fact  as  Mr.  Kim- 
ball  had  said  hunderds  of  times  as  if  he  had 
that  nose  an'  leaned  over  a  bridge  'n'  see 
it  in  the  water  he  'd  be  willin'  to  let  it  over 
balance  him  then  'n'  there  'n'  be  drowned 
forever.  He  got  pretty  meek  at  that,  for  it 
showed  as  I  was  in  earnest,  'n'  he  went  on 
to  say  as  it  was  large,  but  he  said  as  afore 
she  took  to  that  way  of  kind  o'  shrinkin' 
back  of  it  it  did  n't  look  so  large,  'n'  anyway 
she  was  his  married  'n'  buried  wife.  I  told 
him  I  was  certainly  glad  to  know  that,  seein' 
as  they  'd  lived  together  so  many  years,  'n' 
then  he  said  it'd  really  be  nothin'  but  a  joy 
to  him  to  tell  me  how  he  come  to  marry 
her,  so  I  said  I  'd  listen  'n'  welcome  'n'  he 
started  in. 

72 


OLD  MAN  ELY'S  PROPOSAL 

"  I  must  say  this,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  V  that 
is  that  I  soon  see  as  it  was  lucky  as  I 
was  n't  feelin'  no  special  call  to  talk  any 
myself,  for  he  set  out  in  a  most  steady  sort 
of  a  discouragin'  down-pour,  kind  of  cross- 
your-legs  'n'  clear-your-throat,  'n'  I  see  as 
I  was  in  for  it  'n'  just  let  him  pour,  for  feel- 
in's  catches  us  all  ways  'n'  whatever  he  felt 
about  old  Mrs.  Ely  it  was  plain  as  some 
one  had  got  to  hear  it  to  the  last  drop.  So 
I  let  him  drop  away,  'n'  I  will  in  all  fairness 
say,  as  a  more  steady  spout  I  never  see  no 
one  under.  He  never  seemed  to  consider 
as  how  me  or  any  one  might  perhaps  enjoy 
to  maybe  make  a  remark  from  time  to  time, 
'n'  even  when  he  ain't  talkin'  he  's  got  that 
way  o'  rubbin'  his  chin  as  makes  it  seem 
most  impolite  to  bu'st  in  on.  I  didn't 
care  much,  though,  'cause  I  had  the  curtains, 
'n'  besides  I  may  in  confidence  state  as 
when  I  really  felt  to  speak  I  sailed  right  in 
anyhow  'n'  spoke  what  I  wanted  to.  For 
73 


I  never  was  one  to  sit  by  'n'  have  my  tail 
calmly  trod  on,  as  you  'n'  a  great  many 
others  knows  to  your  cost,  Mrs.  Lathrop, 
'n'  then,  too,  each  time  when  I  see  as  he 
was  nigh  to  tippin'  into  the  cistern  it  was 
really  nothin'  but  a  joy  to  him  to  know  it 
in  time  to  hitch  away." 

"Did  —  "  said  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"In  the  first  place,"  said  Susan,  "he 
asked  me  if  I  'd  mind  his  smokin'  his  pipe, 
'n'  I  told  him  I  most  certainly  would,  so 
that  ended  that  subjeck  right  up  square  at 
the  beginnin'.  Then  he  said  he  'd  been 
married  nigh  on  to  forty  years  'n'  I  told 
him  to  look  out  for  the  cistern  'n'  he 
hitched  along  a  piece  'n'  begin  again.  'N' 
then  he  seemed  set  a-goin'  for  keeps. 

"  Seems,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  as  he  never  had 
no  family,  but  he  says  he  was  a  very  hand 
some  young  fellow  for  all  that.  I  looked 
pretty  hard  at  him,  but  he  stuck  to  it  'n'  I 
let  it  go.  He  went  on  to  say  as  he  growed 
74 


OLD  MAN  ELY'S  PROPOSAL 

up  anyhow  'n'  drifted  to  Meadville  when 
he  was  long  about  twenty-four,  'n'  went  on 
to  the  Pearson  farm.  Oh,  my,  but  he  says 
that  was  a  stony  farm  !  I  tell  you  but  he 
rubbed  his  chin  with  his  hand  a  long  while 
afore  he  said  all  over  again,  *  but  that  was  a 
stony  farm  ! '  An'  the  gophers  !  —  Well,  he 
says  whatever  the  Recordin'  Angel  has  got 
down  he  bets  he 's  skipped  some  o'  them 
gophers.  He  says  the  hairs  on  your  head  is 
a  mere  joy  to  reckon  up,  'n'  fallin'  sparrows 
too,  beside  them  gophers.  He  says  savin' 
a  cent  in  the  time  o'  Egypt  'n'  seein'  what 
you  'd  have  now  if  you  'd  only  done  it,  is 
nothin'  to  the  way  them  gophers  on  the 
Pearson  farm  was  give  to  givin'  in  marriage. 
He  says  as  it  was  a  very  stony  farm,  'n'  in 
between  every  two  stones  was  one  hole  'n' 
half  a  dozen  gophers  to  a  hole,  in  the  sin- 
gle  season.  He  says  ploughin'  was  like 
churnin'  with  nothin'  but  stones  'n'  go 
phers  in  the  churn.  He  says  they  was  that 
75 


OLD  MAN  ELTS  PROPOSAL 

tame  they'd  run  up  your  legs  'n'  up  the 
horses'  legs ;  he  said  maybe  I  would  n't  be 
lieve  it,  'n'  I  told  him  I  certainly  would  n't, 
so  then  he  went  on  to  another  subjeck. 

"  He  says  he  used  to  plough  through 
them  gophers  all  day  'n'  court  Tilly  all 
night.  Tilly  was  old  Mrs.  Ely.  He  says 
she  'd  never  been  courted  on  a'count  of  her 
nose,  but  he  said  he  wanted  a  farm  bad 
enough  to  be  willin'  to  never  forget  to  tip 
his  face  pretty  well  crossways.  He  says 
she  was  so  happy  bein'  courted  that  at  first 
it  made  the  gophers  just  seem  like  nothin' 
a  tall,  'n'  he  says  as  you  can't  maybe  get 
the  full  sense  o'  that  but  it's  there  just  the 
same.  I  tell  you,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  you  can 
see  that  man  has  suffered.  I  asked  him 
was  he  afraid  of  mice  too,  'n'  he  bristled  up 
pretty  sharp  'n'  said  he  wa'n't  afraid  of 
gophers,  only  they  took  you  so  unawares. 
I  had  to  tell  him  right  there  to  look  out  for 
the  cistern  lid,  'n'  he  hitched  over  by  the 
76 


OLD  MAN  ELY'S  PROPOSAL 

table  again  V  then  he  said,  Well,  so  it  went 
all  summer.  He  said  he  got  so  tired  o' 
gophers,  'n'  moonlight,  'n'  hittin'  her  nose 
hard  by  accident,  times  when  he  was  n't 
thinkin',  as  he  was  nothin'  but  glad  when 
September  come  'round.  He  says  he  'd 
figgered  all  along  on  bein'  married  in  Sep 
tember,  'n'  he  never  for  one  moment  mis 
trusted  as  he  wouldn't  be;  but  he  says  of 
all  the  awful  things  to  count  on,  Tilly  Pear 
son  was  the  worst.  Oh !  my,  he  says,  but 
she  was  cranky  !  'n'  then  he  rubbed  his  chin 
with  his  hand  a  long  while  'n'  then  said 
f  cranky,'  over  again  in  a  very  hard  tone. 
He  says  would  you  believe  it  that  after  all 
his  love-makin'  along  the  first  o'  September 
she  begin  to  get  terrible  uppish  'n'  throw 
her  head  aroun'  'n'  put  on  airs  'n'  he  was 
just  dumbfounded  at  her  goin's  on." 

"What  —  "  asked  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"Then  he  says  one  awful  day  when  he 
was  stackin'  straw,  Old  Pearson  told  him 
77 


OLD  MAN  ELTS  PROPOSAL 

flat  V  plain  as  if  he  was  n't  goin'  to  marry 
Tilly,  he  need  n't  count  on  spendin'  the 
winter  as  their  company.  Well,  he  says 
you  can  maybe  realize  what  a  shock  that 
was.  He  says  his  nose  was  just  smashed 
numb  'n'  his  sleep  was  full  o'  grabbin'  at  'em 
in  his  dreams  'n'  now  it  looked  like  all  was 
for  nothin'  a  tall.  Still  he  says  he  scraped 
up  a  smile  'n'  a  cheerful  look  'n'  told  Old 
Pearson  as  he  was  more  'n  willin'  to  marry 
Tilly  for  his  winter's  board  but  it  was  Tilly 
as  was  makin'  the  trouble.  He  says  Old 
Pearson  looked  sort  of  surprised  at  that,  but 
he  thought  a  little  while  'n'  then  he  told 
him  as  if  he  was  smart  he  'd  find  a  way 
to  bring  Tilly  to  her  senses,  'cause  every 
woman  had  some  way  to  be  brought  to  her 
senses,  'n'  then  he  went  off  'n'  left  him  to 
think. 

"  Well,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  you  can  see  with 
out  any    tryin'  that  that  man   suffered.      I 
pretty    near  stopped  'n'  burnt  jus'  to  listen 
78 


OLD  MAN  ELrS  PROPOSAL 

to  him.  He  says  as  he  sit  there  plum  be 
side  hisself 'n'  most  cried  from  not  knowin' 
what  under  Heaven's  name  to  do.  '  He 
says  he  was  placed  most  awful  with  winter 
starin'  him  stark  in  the  face  'n'  no  warm 
place  to  stay.  He  says  nobody  knows  how 
it  feels  to  feel  like  he  was  forced  to  feel, — 
'nless  they've  been  expectin'  to  be  married 
'n'  then  been  discharged  themselves  instead. 
He  says  he  looked  about  most  doleful 
'n'  wished  he  was  dead  or  anythin'  that 's 
warm,  'n'  then  he  got  down  from  the 
stack  'n'  set  on  a  old  wagon  tongue  'n' 
jus'  tried  to  figger  on  if  there  was  n't  no 
way  as  he  could  think  up  as  would  make 
Tilly  have  him.  He  says  the  bitter  part 
was  to  reflect  as  he  had  to  work  to  make 
Tilly  have  him,  when  it  'd  really  ought  by  all 
rights  to  have  been  the  other  way.  He  says 
to  think  o'  that  nose  'n'  then  him  obliged 
to  work  'n'  slave  to  get  hold  of  it !  " 
"I  —  "  began  Mrs.  Lathrop. 
79 


OLD  MAN  ELTS  PROPOSAL 

"  Well,  he  see  it  different,"  said  Susan ; 
"  he  says,  —  'n'  I  can't  in  reason  see  how 
any  one  as  knows  as  little  as  you,  Mrs.  Lath- 
rop,  can  deny  him,  —  he  says  as  no  one  as 
gets  married  easy  at  the  end  of  courtin'  can 
possibly  figger  on  the  difficulties  of  gettin' 
married  hard.  He  says  it  was  jus'  beyond 
belief  the  way  he  felt  as  he  set  there  re- 
flectin'  on  his  wasted  summer  'n'  Tilly  flip- 
pin'  aroun'  all  unconcerned  over  him  leavin' 
in  the  end.  He  says  his  blood  begun  to 
slowly  begin  to  boil  as  he  set  there  thinkin', 
'n'  in  the  end  he  jus'  up  an'  hit  the  wagon- 
tongue  with  his  fist  'n'  said  c  By  Jinks  ! '  'n' 
he  says  when  he  says  f  By  Jinks,'  it  is  the 
end,  'n'  don't  you  forget  it. 

"  He  says  he  'd  no  sooner  said  c  By  Jinks  ' 
than  he  thought  of  a  plan,  'n'  he  says  Lord 
forgive  him  if  he  ever  thinks  of  such  an 
other  plan.  He  says  what  put  it  into  his 
head  Heaven  only  knows,  only  o'  course  he 
never  expected  as  it  would  work  out  as  it 
80 


OLD  MAN  ELY'S  PROPOSAL 

did.  He  says  he  thought  as  she  'd  see  what 
he  was  up  to  'n'  stop  him  along  half-way. 
But  Oh,  my,  he  says,  you  never  can  count  on 
a  woman,  'n'  then  he  rubbed  his  chin  with 
his  hand  for  a  long  time  'n'  said  all  over 
again  {  never  can  count  on  a  woman.' 

"  Well,  he  says  after  he  'd  thought  o'  the 
plan  he  went  right  to  work  to  carry  it  out. 
He  says  it  was  one  o'  them  plans  as  dilly 
dally  is  death  on.  So  he  begun  by  makin' 
sure  as  she  was  pastin'  labels  on  pickle-jars 
in  the  back  wood-house  'n'  then  he  went 
out  by  the  shed  'n'  got  some  old  clothes 
line  as  was  hangin'  there  'n'  come  round  to 
where  the  bingin'-pole  was  'n'  whittled 
notches  in  it  'n'  tied  a'  piece  o'  the  line 
hard  aroun'  the  end.  He  says  all  the  time 
he  was  tyin'  he  was  countin'  on  her  runnin' 
right  out  'n'  askin'  him  what  under  the  sun 
he  was  doin',  —  but  she  never  budged." 

"What  — "  asked  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  Well,  if  you  '11  keep  still  'n'  let  me  talk 
6  81 


OLD  MAN  ELY'S  PROPOSAL 

I  '11  tell  you,"  said  Miss  Clegg ;  "  I  had  to 
keep  still  while  he  told  me,  'n'  the  Bible  's 
authority  for  sayin'  as  what  man  has  done 
woman  can  always  do  too  if  she  has  a  mind 
to.  — Well,  he  says  then  he  bent  the  end  of 
the  pole  around  'n'  tied  it  hard  to  one  of 
the  uprights  of  the  shed  so  it  was  sprung 
around  in  a  terrible  dangerous  manner  'n' 
he  says  when  he  got  it  all  tied,  he  looked 
up  at  the  window  'n'  why  she  did  n't  come 
out  he  can't  to  this  day  see.  But  she 
didn't — just  stayed  bobbin'  around  over 
her  labels  'n'  pastin'.  Well,  he  says  o' 
course  he  wa'n't  in  no  hurry  to  go  on  to 
next  part,  so  he  dragged  the  grin'stone  out 
in  plain  view  of  her  'n'  begun  'n'  sharpened 
a  hatchet  most  awful  sharp.  He  thought 
as  the  hatchet  would  bring  her  anyhow,  but 
still  she  did  n't  come  out, — jus'  stuck  to  her 
stickin'  there  in  the  window.  I  can't  well 
see  why  he  looked  for  her  to  come  out  be 
cause  my  view  would  be  as  if  you  did  n't 
82 


OLD  MAN  ELY'S  PROPOSAL 

want  a  man  aroun',  the  more  ropes  an' 
hatchets  he  was  inclined  to  the  more  I  'd  let 
him  tie  'n'  sharpen,  but  old  Mrs.  Ely 
was  always  another  parts  o'  speech  from  me. 
She  never  could  eat  her  own  chickens,  they 
say,  nor  sausage  her  own  pigs,  'n'  I  s'pose 
he  knowed  her  tender  spots  aforehand  'n'  was 
layin'  for  'em.  Anyhow,  to  go  back  to  him 
'n'  the  grin'stone,  he  says  you  can't  under 
no  circumstances  keep  on  sharpenin'  a 
hatchet  forever,  'n'  so  after  a  while  he  had 
to  go  on  to  the  next  part.  He  says  he 
was  beginnin'  to  feel  kind  o'  shaky,  but  he 
took  more  line  'n'  made  a  slip-noose  'n' 
tied  it  hard  'n'  fast  to  the  pole.  He  says 
he  looked  up  real  bright  'n'  hopeful  then, 
but  still  she  did  n't  come  out,  'n'  he  says  he 
slid  it  up  over  his  arm  two  or  three  times  so 
she  could  n't  but  see  as  it  was  a  noose  too. 
Oh,  my,  but  he  says  he  did  begin  to  feel 
mad  at  her  then,  —  he  says  it  wa'n't  in  reason 
as  any  man  'd  be  pleased  at  a  woman's  smilin* 
83 


OLD  MAN  ELTS  PROPOSAL 

out  of  a  window  at  him  fixin'  a  noose  in 
plain  sight.  He  says  he  '11  leave  it  to  any 
one  dead  or  alive  to  get  into  his  skin  'n'  en 
joy  the  way  he  was  beginnin'  to  feel,  but  o* 
course  he  had  to  keep  on  with  his  plan,  'n' 
he  says  next  he  laid  the  hatchet  handy  an' 
set  down  (Oh,  my,  but  he  says  the  ground 
sent  up  a  cold  chill  up  his  back !)  'n'  tied 
his  feet  to  the  other  upright.  Well,  he 
says  that  foot-tyin'  was  no  joke,  for  he 
says  he  must  of  took  fifteen  minutes  to  it, 
for  he  was  jus'  about  wild  by  this  time,  not 
knowin'  what  he  would  do  if  she  did  n't 
come  out  now.  He  says  no  one  knows 
what  it  is  to  begin  a  thing  as  you  count 
on  surely  havin'  stopped  'n'  then  not  be 
stopped  a  tall.  He  says  as  the  sentiments 
as  he  begun  to  get  was  too  awful  for  any  or 
dinary  words  'n'  he  would  scorn  to  use  the 
words  as  could  describe  'em  even  if  he 
knowed  any  such.  Well,  he  says,  at  last, 
when  he  was  through  tyin'  his  feet,  he 
84 


OLD  MAN  ELY'S  PROPOSAL 

turned  'n'  looked  at  the  window  V  if  she 
wa'n't  gone  to  put  up  the  jars,  so  he  had  no 
choice  but  to  sit  there  on  that  cold  ground 
'n'  wait  for  her  to  come  back.  He  said  he 
hoped  I  'd  never  know  what  his  feelin's 
was  as  he  waited  'n'  then  he  rubbed  his 
chin  with  his  hand  a  long  time  'n'  said  all 
over  again,  *  as  he  waited.'  I  told  him  it 
was  n't  likely  as  I  would,  'n'  to  look  out 
for  the  cistern  or  he  'd  know  new  feelin's 
'n'  a  new  kind  of  waitin',  so  he  had  to  hitch 
back  by  the  table  again  'n'  then  he  took  a 
long  breath  before  goin'  on  to  the  next 
part. 

"  Well,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  he  says  when  she 
come  back  from  puttin'  up  the  jars  he  jus' 
could  n't  but  feel  as  his  hour  was  surely 
come.  He  says  how  he  ever  done  it  he 
never  has  seen  since,  but  he  took  up  that 
noose  'n'  put  it  over  his  head.  He  says  as 
he  did  so  he  took  a  quick  look  at  the  win 
dow  'n'  seen  her  lookin',  'n'  he  says  he  jus' 
85  ' 


OLD  MAN  ELY'S  PROPOSAL 

hoped  surely  she  'd  give  a  scream  now  V 
come  runnin'  out  the  kitchen-door.  But 
he  says  she  'd  disappointed  him  so  often  his 
heart  was  like  lead,  'n'  he  felt  bluer 'n  he's 
ever  felt  any  other  time  in  his  life.  He 
says  he  fixed  the  noose  all  smooth  around 
his  neck  for  five  minutes  or  so,  'n'  then 
there  was  nothin'  in  the  wide  world  left  for 
him  to  do  but  to  take  up  that  awful  sharp 
hatchet. 

"Well,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  I  vow  I  was  inter 
ested  in  spite  of  myself.  His  voice  shook 
'n'  his  hands  too  jus'  with  rememberin'.  I 
really  felt  to  pity  him  —  I  did.  He  says  he 
lifted  the  hatchet  'n'  looked  at  the  window 
tryin'  to  hope  fully  'n'  securely  as  this  time 
she  'd  surely  come  out  screamin'  'n'  runnin'. 
'N'  she  never  screamed  'n'  she  never  run  ! 
Oh,  my,  but  he  says  he  was  tremblin' 
from  head  to  foot  'n'  the  cold  sweat  jus' 
poured  over  him.  He  says  he  took  up  the 
hatchet  'n'  held  it  quiverin'  in  his  quiverin' 
86 


OLD  MAN  ELY'S  PROPOSAL 

hand,  'n'  then  he  made  a  weak  hack  at  the 
rope  as  tied  the  pole  to  the  upright.  He 
says  he  see  her  nose  in  the  window  as  he 
hacked  'n'  then  he  says  no  words  can  ever 
describe  his  feelin's  when  he  suddenly  learned 
as  he  'd  cut  the  rope  !  —  He  says  he  never 
had  no  more  idea  o'  hittin'  the  rope  than  he 
had  o'  hangin'  himself,  'n  'he  said  when  he 
very  quickly  felt  as  he  'd  done  both  nothin' 
can  properly  explain  him  !  —  He  says  the 
newspapers  don't  have  no  idea  a  tall  of  how 
it  feels  or  they  'd  never  print  it  so  cool  'n' 
calm.  He  says  cuttin'  the  rope  let  the  pole 
loose  'n'  the  noose  ran  up  on  him  'n' 
choked  him  most  terrible.  My  gracious, 
he  says  but  carbolic  acid  'n'  Rough  on 
Rats  is  child's  play  beside  that  grip  on  your 
throat.  He  says  he  never  will  forget  how 
it  felt,  not  if  he  lives  to  be  Methusalem's 
great-grandfather.  He  says  he  got  a  most 
awful  jerk  from  his  head  to  his  heels  too  as 
nigh  to  broke  his  ankles,  'n'  a  twist  in  his 
87 


OLD  MAN  ELTS  PROPOSAL 

wrist  from  the  weight  o'  the  hatchet,  but  he 
said  he  did  n't  have  no  time  to  take  no 
a'count  o'  nothin'  just  then  but  the  way 
everythin'  turned  red  'n'  black  V  run  into 
his  ears." 

"Did  it  kill  — "  cried  Mrs.  Lathrop, 
much  excited. 

"  I  'm  goin'  to  tell  you.  —  He  says  the 
last  thing  he  knowed  was  Tilly's  shriek. 
O'  course  when  he  cut  the  rope  she  seen 
he  'd  meant  it  all,  'n'  so  she  grabbed  up  a 
carvin'  knife  'n'  yelled  to  her  father  'n'  run. 
Old  man  Ely  says  it  was  good  she  run,  for 
there  was  n't  a  minute  to  lose.  Old  Pear 
son  run  too  from  where  he  was  in  the  barn 
but  Tilly  got  there  first.  She  didn't  lose 
one  second  in  sawin'  him  free  at  both  ends 
'n'  he  says  he  was  so  nigh  to  dead  that  first 
he  thought  she  was  a  gopher,  'n'  then  an 
angel.  Oh,  my,  but  he  says  he  was  dizzy 
at  first,  'n'  faint,  'n'  queer  in  his  ears. 
He  sat  'n'  thought  about  it  all  by  himself 
88 


OLD  MAN  ELVS  PROPOSAL 

for  a  long  while  this  mornin'  afore  he  went 
on  again.  He  says  no  one  ever  realizes 
how  close  they  are  to  eternity  unless  they 
accidentally  go  'n'  do  suthin'  so  darn  fool 
ish  as  that. 

"  Well,  he  says,  after  a  while,  after  a 
long,  long  while,  he  felt  to  get  to  the  house, 
'n'  then,  he  says,  come  one  o'  the  strangest 
parts  o'  the  story  —  the  part  as  shows  how 
everythin'  turns  out  for  the  best  in  the  end. 
He  says  it 's  really  most  like  a  fairy-tale,  'n' 
jus'  as  if  he  'd  planned  it  all  to  order. 
Seems  when  he  tried  to  get  up  'n'  walk  to 
the  house  Tilly  wanted  her  father  to  help  hold 
up  his  other  side,  'n'  she  could  n't  see  where 
her  father  was.  She  started  aroun'  the  shed 
to  look  for  him  'n'  there  she  found  him 
stretched  out  flat.  —  Seems  when  she  cut 
Ely  loose  she  let  the  pole  fly  roun'  jus'  in 
time  to  take  her  father  in  the  legs  'n'  there 
he  laid,  not  dead,  but  in  a  way  as  showed 
right  off  as  some  one  else  'd  have  to  run  his 
89 


OLD  MAN  ELTS  PROPOSAL 

farm  from  then  on.  Well,  old  man  Ely 
says  you  needn't  tell  him  as  there  ain't  no 
All-wise  Providence  after  that,  'n'  he  rubbed 
his  chin  with  his  hand  a  long,  long  while  'n' 
shook  his  head  'n'  then  said  {  need  n't  tell 
him '  all  over  again.  He  says  he  joined  the 
church  the  very  next  Sunday  'n'  him  'n' 
Tilly  was  married  in  September  like  he  'd 
always  planned.  He  says  they  was  very 
happy  on  the  whole  'n'  after  a  while  Old 
Pearson  got  where  he  got  around  pretty 
well,  only  for  a  crazy  idea  he  had  as  suthin' 
unexpected  was  goin'  to  hit  him  sudden. 
He  says  he  had  the  idea  so  strong  as 
he  never  was  free  from  it  while  he  was 
alive  'n'  it  was  a  mercy  when  he  died. 
He  says  as  he  see  how  good  things  can 
turn  out,  for,  Tilly  always  jus'  loved  him 
half  to  death  'cause  he'd  loved  her  enough 
to  cut  that  rope  in  two.  He  says  he 
means  her  to  have  a  very  handsome  monu 
ment,  'n'  if  he  ever  marries  again  he  shall 
90 


OLD  MAN  ELTS  PROPOSAL 

keep  her  picture  in  the  parlor  just  the 
same." 

"  Do  —  "  said  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  Well,  I  think  he  '11  try  to,"  said  Miss 
Clegg,  "  but  his  other  wife  may  not  see  it  in 
the  same  spirit,  Mrs.  Ely  not  bein'  no  great 
ornament,  'n'  the  farm  is  safe  now  any 
how." 

"I  —  "  said  Mrs.  Lathrop,  further. 

"Yes,"  said  Susan,  "I  thought  so  my 
self  but  it  didn't  seem  to  strike  him  that 
way." 


THE  WOLF  AT  SUSAN'S  DOOR 


THE  WOLF  AT  SUSAN'S   DOOR 
PART   FIRST 

MISS  CLEGG'S  SPECULATIONS 

MRS.     LATHROP,    rocking    plac 
idly  in  her  kitchen  window,  was 
conscious    of  a   vague   sense    of 
worry  as  to  her  friend  over  the  fence.      It 
appeared   to    her   that   Susan    was    looking 
more    thin    and    peaked    than    nature    had 
intended.     It  is  true  that   Miss  Clegg  was 
always  of  a  bony  and  nervous  outline,  but 
it  seemed  slowly  but  surely  borne  in  upon 
her  older  friend   that  of  late  she  had  been 
rapidly    becoming    sharper    in    every    way. 
Mrs.  Lathrop  felt  that  she  ought  to  speak 
—  that  she  ought  not  to  lead  her  next  door 
neighbor  into  the  false  belief  that  her  suf- 
95 


THE    WOLF  AT  SUSAN'S  DOOR 

ferings  were  unnoticed  by  the  affectionate 
spectacles  forever  turned  her  way,  —  and 
yet — Mrs.  Lathrop  being  Mrs.  Lathrop 
—  it  was  only  after  several  days  of  rock 
ing  and  cogitation  that  the  verbal  die  came 
to  its  casting. 

That  came  to  be  upon  a  summer  evening, 
and  it  came  to  pass  across  the  barrier-fence 
where  Miss  Clegg  had  come  to  lean  wearily, 
her  shoulders  and  the  corners  of  her  mouth 
following  the  same  dejected  angle,  while  her 
elderly  friend  stood  facing  her  with  a  gaze 
that  was  at  once  earnest,  penetrating,  and 
commiserating,  and  a  clover  blossom  in  her 
mouth. 

"  Susan,"  said  Mrs.  Lathrop,  in  a  voice 
mournful  enough  to  have  renovated  Job ; 
"Susan,  I  —  " 

Miss  Clegg  shut  her  eyes  firmly  and 
opened  them  sharply. 

"  I  'm  glad  you  have,"  she  said,  in  a 
voice  whose  tone  was  divided  between  relief 
96 


MISS  CLEGG'S  SPECULATIONS 

and  reproach,  —  "I  certainly  am  glad  you 
have.  I  try  to  be  close-mouthed  'n'  never 
trouble  any  one  with  my  affairs,  Mrs. 
Lathrop,  but  I  will  say  as  I  have  often 
wondered  at  how  you  could  sit  'n'  rock 
in  the  face  of  what  I  've  been  grinnin'  'n' 
bearin'  these  last  few  weeks.  Not  that 
rockin'  is  any  crime,  'n'  I  always  feel  it 
must  be  fine  exercise  for  the  chair,  but  it 's 
hard  for  one  who  has  the  wolf  at  their  door, 
'n'  not  only  at  their  door,  but  nigh  to 
bu'stin'  it  in,  to  see  their  dearest  friend 
rockin'  away,  like  wolf  or  no  wolf  she  'd  go 
on  forever." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  looked  aggrieved. 

"  Why,  Susan  —  "  she  protested. 

"That  ain't  no  excuse,"  the  friend  said, 
not  harshly  but  with  a  cold  distinctness ; 
"  you  may  talk  yourself  blind  if  you  feel 
so  inclined,  'n'  I  don't  say  but  what  you 
really  did  n't  mean  nothin',  but  the  fact 
remains,  'n'  always  will  remain,  as  you  've 
7  97 


THE    WOLF  AT  SUSAN'S  DOOR 

took  a  deal  of  comfort  rockin'  while  I  Ve 
been  kitin'  broadcast  tryin'  to  see  if  I  could 
keep  soul  'n'  body  together  or  whether  I  'd 
have  to  let  one  or  the  other  of 'em  go." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  opened  her  mouth  and 
eyes  widely. 

"  1  never  —  "  she  gasped. 

Susan  hooked  herself  on  to  the  fence-rail 
with  both  her  elbows  preparatory  to  a 
lengthy  debate ;  her  eyes  were  bright,  her 
expression  one  of  unreserved  exposition. 
Mrs.  Lathrop  continued  to  keep  her  eyes 
and  mouth  open,  but  reasons  which  will 
soon  be  known  to  the  reader  prevented  her 
making  another  remark  for  a  long  time. 

"  Mrs.  Lathrop,  I  may  as  well  begin  by 
goin'  'way  back  to  the  beginnin'  of  every- 
thin'  'n'  takin'  you  right  in  the  hide  and 
hair  of  my  whole  troubles.  It  ain't  possible 
for  you  to  realize  what  your  rockin  's  meant 
to  me  unless  you  understand  to  the  full 
what  I  Ve  been  goin'  through  'n'  crawlin' 
98 


MISS  CLEGG^S  & 

under  these  last  weeks.  I  want  to 
your  feelin's  all  I  can,  for  it  ain't  in  me  to 
be  unkind  to  so  much  as  a  gooseberry,  but 
I  can't  well  see  how  you  can  keep  from 
bein'  some  punched  by  remorse  when  you 
hear  how  I  Ve  been  cleanin'  house  with  a 
heavy  heart  'n'  no  new  mop.  That's  what 
I  Ve  been  doin',  Mrs.  Lathrop,  'n'  so  help 
me  Heaven,  it 's  death  or  a  new  mop  next 
year.  The  way  that  mop  has  skipped  dirt 
'n'  dripped  water!  —  well,  seein'  is  the  only 
believin'  when  it  comes  to  mops,  but  all  I 
can  say  is  that  you  never  looked  more  spotty 
than  I  have  since  that  mop,  'n'  you  know 
how  lookin'  spotty  is  mortal  agony  to  me  — 
me  not  bein'  one  who  can  be  happy  rockin' 
on  top  of  dirt. 

"  Well,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  I  said  I  was  goin' 
to  begin  at  the  beginnin',  so  I  will,  although 
the  whole  town  knows  as  it  was  that  fine 
scheme  of  Mr.  Kimball's  as  set  my  ball 
bouncin'  down  hill.  I  was  n't  the  only  one 
99 


Ufift/ 

"* 


THE    WOLF  AT  SUSAN'S  DOOR 

as  got  rolled  over  'n'  throwed  out  feet  up, 
but  I  don't  know  as  bein'  one  of  a  number 
to  lose  money  makes  the  money  any  more 
fun  to  lose.  Mr.  Dill  was  sayin'  yesterday 
as  he  would  n't  have  listened  to  nothin'  but 
white  for  Lucy's  weddin'-dress  if  it  hadn't 
been  for  Mr.  Kimball  'n'  his  little  scheme, 
but  I  don't  get  any  great  comfort  out  of 
knowin'  that  Lucy  Dill 's  got  to  try  'n'  get 
herself  married  in  her  Aunt  Samantha  Dill's 
blue  bengaline.  The  blue  bengaline  's  very 
handsome  'n'  I  never  see  a  prettier  arrange 
ment  of  beads  'n'  fringe,  but  every  one  says 
too  much  of  Lucy  shows  at  the  top  'n' 
bottom  to  even  be  romantic.  They  can 
hook  it,  but  Lucy  can't  stay  hooked  inside 
but  five  minutes  at  the  outside.  I  'm  sure 
I  don't  see  how  they  '11  ever  fix  it,  'n' 
Gran'ma  Mullins  says  she  cries  whenever 
she  thinks  that  at  Hiram's  weddin'  the 
bride  won't  have  no  weddin'-dress.  Polly 
Allen  wanted  Lucy  to  open  the  darts  'n' 
100 


MISS  CLEGG'S  SPECULATIONS 

let  in  puffs  like  Mary  Stuart's  husbands 
always  was  puffed,  but  Lucy  never  see 
Mary  Stuart  'n'  the  only  picture  in  town 
of  any  of  her  husbands  has  got  him  in  bed 
with  the  sheet  drawed  up  to  his  chin  'n' 
his  hands  folded  right  on  top  of  where 
they  'd  want  to  copy  the  darts.  Such  a 
picture  ain't  no  help  a  tal!,  so  Lucy  is  still 
shakin'  her  head  the  same  as  at  first.  My 
idea  would  be  to  make  no  wish-bones  about 
it  'n'  just  be  married  in  her  travelin'-dress 
'n'  then  wear  it  when  she  goes  away,  but 
it  seems  she  wants  her  travelin'-dress  for 
church,  'n'  does  n't  mean  to  wear  it  travelin' 
anyhow,  because  she  'n'  Hiram  is  just  wild 
over  the  no-one-knowin'-they  're-married 
idea,  'n'  Lucy  is  goin'  to  wear  old  gloves 
'n'  some  buttons  off  her  shoes,  'n'  Hiram 
is  goin'  to  wear  his  mother's  spectacles 
'n'  Mr.  Shores'  store  umbrella.  Gran'ma 
Mullins  feels  awful  over  Hiram's  goin' 
away  like  that;  she  says  she's  brought  him 
101 


THE   WOLF  AT  SUSAN" S  DOOR 

up  so  neat  'n'  always  a  vest  on  Sunday  'n' 
only  shirt-sleeves  in  summer,  'n'  now  to 
think  of  him  goin'  off  on  his  weddin'-trip 
in  Mr.  Shores'  umbrella!  —  but  Lucy  don't 
care  —  nor  Hiram  neither  —  'n'  they  're 
goin'  to  take  along  a  piece  of  sand-paper 
'n'  sand-paper  the  shine  off  the  ring  on  the 
train.  Polly  Allen  'n'  the  deacon  is  laughin' 
to  fits  over  them.  Everythin'  's  very  differ 
ent  with  Polly  'n'  the  deacon.  The  deacon 
says  it  ain't  in  reason  as  a  man  of  sixty-two 
can  look  forward  to  many  more  weddin's, 
'n'  he 's  goin'  to  sit  with  his  arm  around 
Polly,  'n'  he  don't  care  who  chooses  to 
suspeck  they  're  weddin'-trippin'.  They  're 
goin'  to  be  all  new  clothes  right  through  to 
their  skins,  'n'  Polly 's  goin'  to  have  a 
orange-blossom  bunch  on  her  hat.  The 
deacon  says  he  '11  pay  for  all  the  rice  folks 
are  willin'  to  throw,  'n'  it 's  a  open  secret  as 
he  's  goin'  to  give  the  minister  a  gold  piece. 
The  minister  was  smilin'  all  over  town  about 
1 02 


MISS  CLEGG^S  SPECULATIONS 

it  until  Mr.  Kimball  told  him  he  see  a  gold 
quarter-of-a-dollar  once.  He  's  hopin'  for  a 
five,  but  Mr.  Shores  says  he  knows  positive 
as  the  deacon  got  two  two-dollar-and-a-halfs 
at  the  bank  when  his  wife  died,  and  he  gave 
one  to  the  minister  then  'n'  probably  he  's 
been  savin'  the  other  to  get  married  again 
with." 

Susan  paused  for  breath  —  a  vital  neces 
sity  —  and  then  went  on  : 

"  But  dear  me,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  all  that 
ain't  what  I  set  out  to  tell  you,  'n'  even 
if  it 's  a  pleasure  to  you  to  hear  it,  it  ain't 
in  reason  as  I  should  take  my  time  to  talk 
to  you  about  other  people's  affairs.  You 
may  be  interested  in  other  people's  affairs, 
but  I  ain't,  'n'  we  started  to  talk  about 
mine  'n'  what  I  set  out  to  talk  about  I  talk 
about  or  else  I  stay  at  home.  It  was  my 
troubles  as  I  was  goin'  to  make  a  clean  high 
breast  of,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  'n'  I  '11  lay  any 
odds  as  by  the  time  I  get  through  you  '11 
103 


THE    WOLF  AT  SUSAWS  DOOR 

have  little  feelin'  to  sleep  in  you.  The 
Lord  says,  'To  him  who  hath  shall  be 
given,'  'n'  I  will  in  confidence  remark  as 
I  've  just  been  achin'  to  give  it  to  you  for. 
these  many  days.  You  Ve  always  been 
poor,  but  you  Ve  never  seemed  to  mind  ; 
now  I  'm  poor  (yes,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  jump  if 
you  like"  —  for  Mrs.  Lathrop  had  started 
in  surprise  —  "but  it's  so)  'n'  /  mind;  I 
mind  very  much,  I  mind  all  up  'n'  down 
and  kitty-cornered  crossways,  'n'  if  I  keep 
on  gettin'  poor,  Lord  have  mercy  on  you, 
for  I  shall  certainly  not  be  able  to  look  on 
calmly  at  no  great  amount  of  rockin'." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  stared  widely — and  gasped 
openly.  Susan  continued : 

"  It  all  began  with  Mr.  Kimball  'n'  his 
gettin'  the  fever  of  speckilation.  Mr.  Kim- 
ball  said  he  thought  he  'd  rather  get  rich 
quick  than  not  get  rich  at  all.  That  was 
the  way  he  put  it  'n'  it  sounded  so  sensible 
't  I  felt  to  agree.  Then  he  begin  to  unfold 
104 


MISS  CLEGG'S  SPECULATIONS 

how  (he  had  the  newspaper  in  his  hand),  V 
as  soon  as  he  was  unfolded  I  read  the  adver 
tisement.  It  was  a  very  nice  advertisement 
an'  no  patent  medicine  could  have  sounded 
easier  to  take  in.  You  buy  two  rubber  trees 
'n'  then  wait  two  years  'n'  get  fifty  per  cent 
till  you  die.  Well,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  I  went 
over  that  advertisement  fifty  times  to  try 
'n'  see  what  to  do  'n'  yet  the  more  I  studied 
it  the  less  faith  I  had  in  it  somehow.  The 
picture  of  the  man  who  tended  the  trees 
was  up  on  top  'n'  little  pictures  of  him 
made  a  kind  of  pearl  frame  around  the 
whole,  'n'  he  was  honest  enough  lookin',  as 
far  as  I  could  judge,  but  —  as  I  told  Mr. 
Kimball  —  what  was  to  guarantee  us  as  he  'd 
stick  to  the  same  job  steady,  'n'  I  certainly 
did  n't  have  no  longin*  in  me  to  buy  a  rub 
ber  tree  in  southeast  Peru  'n'  then  leave 
it  to  be  hoed  around  by  Tom,  Dick,  'n' 
Harry.  So  I  shook  my  head  'n'  said  c  no ' 
in  the  end  'n'  then  we  looked  up  railway 
105 


THE   WOLF  AT  SUSAN'S  DOOR 

stocks.  Mr.  Kimball  read  me  a  list  of 
millionaires  'n'  he  asked  me  if  I  would  n't 
like  to  be  called  '  Susan  Clegg,  queen  of 
the  Western  Pacific '  —  but  I  'm  too  old  to 
be  caught  by  any  such  chaff,  'n'  I  told  him 
so  to  his  face,  and  then  it  was  that  we  come 
to  his  favorite  scheme  of  the  *  Little  Flyer 
in  Wheat.'  That  was  what  he  called  it, 
'n'  I  must  say  that  I  think  it 's  a  pretty 
good  name,  only  if  I  know  myself  I  '11  buy 
wheat  as  never  sets  down  hereafter. 

"  Well,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  it  took  a  deal  of 
talkin'  'n'  Mr.  Kimball  had  to  do  a  lot  of 
figgerin'  before  my  eyes  afore  I  was  ready 
to  believe  him  when  he  said  as  five  of  us 
could  go  in  together  'n'  double  our  money 
every  few  days  for  a  month  or  so.  He 
showed  me  as  what  he  was  figgerin'  from 
was  printed  in  plain  letters  'n'  red  ink  in 
a  city  paper,  'n'  after  a  while  I  opened  my 
mouth  'n'  swallowed  the  whole  thing,  red 
ink  'n'  all.  Mr.  Kimball,  Mr.  Dill,  Mr. 
106 


MISS  CLEGG'S  SPECULATIONS 

Shores,  me,  'n'  me  over  again,  was  the  five; 
'n'  we  bought  the  share  right  off,  fully  be- 
lievin'  as  we  'd  begin  the  wheat-flyin'  the 
same  way  — "  Susan  paused  and  set  her 
teeth  a  little  vigorously  for  a  moment,  — 
then: 

"  Well,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  that  was  the  way 
it  all  begun,  'n'  I  can  lay  my  hand  any 
where  'n'  swear  as  all  my  bad  luck  is 
founded  solid  on  Mr.  Kimball  in  conse 
quence.  The  very  day  after  we  begun  with 
our  fly  instid  of  doublin'  he  halved  in  the 
mornin'  paper  'n'  it  seemed  we  'd  got  to 
buy  him  all  over  again  or  it  was  good-by 
Johnny.  Me  bein'  the  only  one  with 
money  known  to  be  ready  'n'  idle  they 
brought  the  paper  to  me  to  save  the  share, 
'n'  I  can  only  say,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  as  I 
wish  as  you  could  have  seen  their  faces 
when  they  saw  mine.  I  saw  I  was  a  lamb 
sittin'  among  the  sharks,  but  I  see,  too,  as 
I  'd  have  to  come  to  time  'n'  I  got  the 
107 


money,  'n'  then  we  set  down  —  Mr.  Dill, 
Mr.  Shores,  'n'  me  —  to  figger  on  how 
much  of  the  share  was  mine  on  the  new 
deal.  It  struck  me,  'n'  it  strikes  me  now, 
'n'  it  always  will  strike  me,  as  any  one  as 
owns  two-fifths  of  a  thing  and  then  buys 
the  whole  thing  over  again  owns  seven- 
fifths  of  it  from  then  on,  but  Mr.  Dill  had 
the  face  to  tell  me  to  my  face  as  it  wa'n't  so 
at  all.  He  figgered  the  share  at  100  'n' 
us  paid  down  at  50  'n'  me  all  together  as 
aggravatin'  up  to  45,  'n'  I  could  only  sit 
starin'  'n'  stark  ravin'  dumb  to  see  where 
he  would  come  out  after  that.  I  did  n't  say 
nothin'  of  what  I  felt  to  him  or  Mr.  Shores, 
for  the  very  good  reason  as  I  wanted  to  save 
all  my  feelin's  for  Mr.  Kimball,  but  I  tell 
you  that  a  volcano  gettin'  itself  made  in  the 
beginnin'  is  floatin'  lily-pads  beside  the  in 
side  of  me  that  hour. 

"  I   went  down-town    that   afternoon    'n' 
I   aired  myself  pretty  thoroughly  over  the 
1 08 


MISS  CLEGG'S  SPECULATIONS 

whole  town,  I  can  assure  you.  Mr.  Allen 
said  I  'd  better  pocket  my  loss  V  give  up 
dabblin'  in  stocks,  but  I  did  n't  see  no  great 
sense  in  what  he  said.  I  did  n't  have  nothin' 
to  pocket,  everything  was  gone,  —  'n'  so  far 
as  dabblin'  goes  I  wa'n't  dabblin',  I  was  in 
up  to  my  nose.  But  Mr.  Kimball  come 
out  as  brassy  as  a  bass-drum  'n'  showed  me 
a  picture  of  wheat  layin'  on  his  back  in  bed 
takin'  a  tonic  with  four  doctors  doin'  up  his 
room  work  for  him.  The  doctors  was  all 
millionaires  on  that  stock  list  of  railroads 
'n'  I  counted  on  their  knowin'  what  they 
were  givin'  him,  so  I  come  home  quite  a 
little  easier,  'n'  that  night  I  slept  like  a  ton 
of  hay.  But  the  next  day !  —  my  Lord 
alive,  you  remember  the  next  day,  don't 
you,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  'n'  it  must  have  been 
arsenic  as  them  four  had  put  in  his  bottle, 
for  I  was  up  in  the  garret  makin'  a  thistle 
down  pillow  'n'  there  come  Ed  tearin'  up 
on  his  bicycle  to  tell  me  as  I  must  stick  in 
109 


THE    WOLF  AT  SUSAN'S  DOOR 

ten  dollars  more  on  a  margin.  c  On  a  what  ? ' 
I  hollered  from  the  window.  f  On  a  mar 
gin,'  he  hollered  from  under  the  porch. 
Well,  really,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  I  do  believe 
if  he  had  n't  been  under  the  porch  I 
would  have  throwed  something  down  on 
him.  My,  but  I  was  mad !  I  come  down 
that  garret-ladder  like  a  greased  pan  'n'  I 
tied  my  bonnet  on  'n'  walked  straight  in 
on  Mr.  Kimball.  That  was  one  time  as  he 
did  very  little  jokin',  'n'  in  the  end  he  put 
in  five  of  the  ten  himself  'n'  then  we  both 
sat  down  'n'  tried  to  figger  out  as  to 
how  much  of  that  share  we  each  owned.  I 
will  confess  as  takin'  down  stoves  was  lookin' 
out  of  the  window  beside  that  job,  'n'  in 
the  end  he  made  out  as  that  if  the  share  was 
worth  the  whole  of  itself  I  'd  own  half,  but 
bein'  worth  only  what  had  happened  to  it 
there  was  n't  the  half  in  the  whole.  So  I 
come  home  'n'  dreamed  nothin'  but  night 
mares  runnin'  wildly  up  'n'  down  me. 
no 


MISS  CLEGG'S  SPECULATIONS 

"  You  know  what  happened  next !  —  it 
was  the  next  mornin',  'n'  I  was  makin' 
bread  with  a  very  heavy  dough  when  Ed 
come  bouncin'  in  for  three  dollars  more 
margin.  Well,  I  honestly  thought  I  'd 
bu'st.  I  blazed  up  so  quick  'n'  so  sudden 
that  Ed  fell  back  agin  the  table,  'n'  then 
I  shook  till  the  window  rattled.  It  was 
a  good  minute  before  I  could  speak,  'n' 
when  I  spoke,  I  may  in  truth  remark,  Mrs. 
Lathrop,  that  I  never  spoke  plainer  nor 
firmer  in  my  life,  — f  Edward  Andrews  '  — 
I  says  —  c  Edward  Andrews,  you  paddle 
yourself  right  back  to  Mr.  Kimball  'n' 
tell  him  that  my  patience  is  very  short  'n' 
is  gettin'  shorter  each  minute,  'n'  you  may 
just  casually  mention  that  I  ain't  got  no 
more  money  to  margin  with  not  now  'n' 
not  never.  If  a  thing  as  I  Ve  paid  nigh  to 
eight-fifths  for  is  shrunk  to  less  than  half 
of  itself  Mr.  Dill  'n'  Mr.  Shores  can  mar 
gin  for  it  from  now  on  —  I'm  done  forever.' 
in 


THE    WOLF  AT  SUSAN'S  DOOR 

'N'  I  was  done,  too  —  but  I  never  bargained 
on  what  came  next!  —  Mr.  Kimball  traded 
that  share  in  wheat  for  two  in  a  Refrigerator 
Trust  'n'  never  even  so  much  as  sneezed 
about  it  to  me,  'n'  I  will  say,  Mrs.  Lathrop, 
as  I  consider  that  the  Bible  sayin*  f  Honor 
among  thieves '  ought  to  apply  to  me  just 
as  much  as  to  any  one  else.  'N'  there  I 
went  into  the  city  as  unsuspectin'  as  a  can 
brimful  of  buttermilk  'n'  bought  a  paper  to 
read  comin'  home  on  the  cars,  'n'  what  should 
I  unfold  but  wheat  runnin'  up  a  ladder 
along  with  a  bull  to  get  out  of  the  way  of 
a  lot  of  wild-lookin'  lambs !  The  ladder- 
rungs  was  numbered  'n'  I  was  sharp  enough 
to  see  as  them  numbers  was  money  'n' 
that  wheat  had  one  leg  safe  on  no;  so 
I  kited  home  to  sell  out  —  'n'  it  was  then 
I  learned  about  the  Refrigerator ! 

"Well,     Mrs.     Lathrop!  —  well,     Mrs. 
Lathrop,    what     do     you     think     was     my 
feelin's  then  ?  —  I    tell  you  boilin'  lava  'n' 
112 


MISS  CLEGG^S  SPECULATIONS 

India's  sunny  strand  was  n't  hotter  than  me 
that  minute.  Me  —  the  backbone  of  the 
whole  thing  'n'  sold  out  like  I  was  a 
mummy  while  I  was  in  town  buyin'  darnin'- 
cotton  !" 

Miss  Clegg  shifted  her  weight  to  the 
other  foot  and  drew  a  long,  fresh  breath. 

"  Mr.  Kimball  'n'  me  has  never  been  the 
same  since,"  she  continued  with  warmth  ; 
—  "we  had  enough  to  make  us  different, 
Heaven  knows,  for  from  that  day  on  mis 
fortune  has  just  dogged  and  rabbited  me, 
I  know.  The  winter  was  so  cold  that  the 
only  way  the  Refrigerator  Trust  could  come 
out  even  was  to  burn  up  toward  spring,  'n' 
the  day  it  burnt  wheat  was  sittin'  on  140, 
kissin'  his  hand  to  the  new  crop." 

"But  Mr.  Kim — "  interposed  Mrs. 
Lathrop. 

"  Oh,  well,  of  course,  havin'  Mr.  Shores 
fail  right  opposite  brightened  everything  for 
him  —  I  'd  smile  myself  if  any  one  was  to 
8  "3 


THE    WOLF  AT  SUSAN\S  DOOR 

fail  right  opposite  me,  'n'  I  said  just  that 
very  thing  to  Mr.  Shores  the  mornin'  after. 
I  says,  —  I  says,  f  Mr.  Shores,  you  must 
consider  that  this  is  a  world  of  ups  and 
downs,  'n'  that  if  you  don't  like  to  fail  your 
failure  is  makin'  Mr.  Kimball  happy  'n' 
your  loss  will  be  his  credit.'  But  Mr. 
Shores  was  too  busy  to  talk,  so  I  bought 
two  skewers  to  encourage  him  'n'  come  out, 
'n'  within  a  week  I  found  to  my  sorrow  as 
I  was  pretty  unpleasantly  near  to  a  mark- 
down  sale  myself." 

"It  was  — "  observed  Mrs.  Lathrop, 
sadly. 

"Yes,"  said  her  friend,  "that's  just 
when  it  was,  —  that  very  self-same  week. 
I  was  in  the  square  listenin'  to  Gran'ma 
Mullins'  everlastin'  tale  of  woe  over  Hiram 
'n'  Lucy,  'n'  up  come  the  blacksmith  with 
a  tale  of  woe  for  myself.  Now,  Mrs.  Lath 
rop,  you  know  me  'n'  you  Ve  known  me  a 
long  time  'n'  you  Ve  heard  me  tell  this  a 
114 


MISS  CLEGG^S  SPECULATIONS 

good  many  times  'n'  yet  I  want  to  ask  you 
one  time  more,  —  do  you  think  any  one  but 
the  blacksmith  'n'  Mr.  Dill  would  ever 
have  blamed  me  for  the  crick's  washing  out 
back  of  the  blacksmith's  'n'  lettin'  the  an 
vil  'n'  the  hind  legs  of  Mr.  Dill's  horse 
slide  out  sudden  ?  Of  course,  I  own  the 
blacksmith  shop  'n'  of  course  I  rent  it,  but 
—  as  I  told  him  'n'  Mr.  Dill  both  that 
very  day  —  nobody  can't  rent  common 
sense  nor  yet  keep  track  of  men's  washouts 
'n'  horses'  hind  legs.  I  knowed  all  the 
time  I  was  walkin'  towards  the  crick  that 
it  was  goin'  to  be  a  bad  business,  but  I 
never  expected  to  see  nothin'  as  looked 
like  Mr.  Dill's  horse,  'n'  I  never  again 
shall  hope  to  see  nothin'  as  '11  look  like 
Mr.  Dill's  looks  as  he  looked  at  the  horse. 
Not  as  his  horse  was  n't  worth  lookin'  at 
either.  His  legs  had  gone  out  behind  so 
far  'n'  so  unexpected  that  it  seemed  like  he 
could  n't  get  them  high  enough  'n'  close 


THE   WOLF  AT  SUSASTS  DOOR 

enough  to  suit  him,  V  he  just  stood  there 
drawin'  them  up  alternate  for  all  the  world 
like  a  fly  on  fly-paper.  Mr.  Dill  said  he 
felt  like  if  his  horse  was  n't  ever  goin'  to  be 
able  to  h'ist  his  legs  no  quicker  'n  that  he  'd 
have  to  have  damages,  'n'  at  that  word  I 
nigh  to  sat  right  down.  I  tell  you  what, 
Mrs.  Lathrop,  Mr.  Weskin  has  bred  this 
damage  idea  too  deep  into  this  town  for  any 
comfort.  It 's  got  to  where  it 's  better  to 
hurt  yourself  most  any  way  than  to  damage 
some  one  else  only  a  little.  I  would  n't  take 
the  chances  of  sayin'  *  shoo '  to  a  hen  on  a 
slippery  mornin',  'n'  things  has  come  to  a 
pretty  pass  when  you  've  got  to  consider 
a  hen's  back-slidin's.  Such  bein'  the  case  I 
felt  more'n  a  little  troubled  when  Mr.  Dill 
said  damages,  but  I  tried  to  look  on  the 
bright  side,  'n'  I  told  him  that  it  seemed  to 
me  that  a  proper-minded  horse  would  have 
hauled  in  his  legs  when  he  felt  himself  slip- 
pin*  in  half.  Mr.  Dill  said  his  horse  unfor- 
116 


MISS  CLEGG'S  SPECULATIONS 

tunately  could  n't  see  with  his  tail  'n'  was 
also  brought  up  to  consider  anvils  as  solid. 
I  answered  as  all  I  could  say  was  as  it  was  a 
great  pity  as  his  horse  was  n't  built  enough 
like  the  rest  of  the  world  to  have  better 
hindsight  than  foresight, — 'n'  then  I  looked 
at  the  anvil  in  the  crick  —  'n'  then  I  come 
home." 

"'N'  that  —  "  said  Mrs.  Lathrop,  sadly. 

"  Yes,  that  very  night !  —  it  was  that 
very  night  that  the  lightnin'  struck  my 
house "  —  Susan  halted  a  moment  to  turn 
and  look  at  the  house.  "  I  never  will  see 
why  the  lightnin'  had  to  strike  my  house, 
Mrs.  Lathrop,  with  yours  so  handy  right 
next  door ;  but  it  did  strike  it  —  'n'  me 
inside  sleepin'  the  sleep  of  the  nigh  to 
poverty-stricken  'n'  done-up,  'n'  never  as 
much  as  dreamin'  of  bein'  woke  by  a 
brick  bouncin'  out  of  my  own  flesh  'n' 
blood  stove-hole.  My  heavens  alive  !  what 
a  night  that  was,  'n'  even  if  nothin'  catched 


fire  everythin'  in  kingdom  come  rained  in, 
'n'  when  mornin'  come  'n'  I  see  what  a 
small  hole  it  was  after  all  I  would  n't  ever 
have  believed  it  if  you  'd  swore  it  till  the 
week  after  doomsday." 

"  And  then  —  "  said  Mrs.  Lathrop,  sym 
pathetically. 

"  Yes,  'n'  then  come  the  roof-mendin'. 
I  never  can  feel  to  blame  myself  there 
because  I  did  n't  want  to  pay  no  carpenter, 
'n'  you  know  yourself,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  as 
it  looked  just  as  easy  to  get  up  on  that 
roof  as  to  fall  off  any  other.  I  hung  the 
shingles  around  my  neck  'n'  put  the  nails 
in  my  mouth  'n'  the  hammer  down  my 
back,  'n'  then  I  went  up  the  lattice  'n'  got 
over  the  little  window  on  to  the  ridge-pole. 
You  know,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  how  simple  it  all 
seemed  from  the  ground,  'n'  I  was  to  just 
sit  edgeways  from  the  end  of  the  peak  right 
along  up  to  the  hole,  but  you  've  heard  me 
remark  afore  'n'  I  will  now  remark  again 
118 


MISS  CLEGG^S  SPECULATIONS 

as  no  one  on  the  ground  has  any  notion  of 
ridge-poles  as  they  really  are.  A  ridge-pole 
from  the  ground,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  looks  like 
it  could  n't  be  fell  off,  but  from  itself  it 
feels  like  it  could  n't  be  stuck  on  to,  'n' 
I  thought  I  'd  swallow  the  last  one  of  them 
nails  gaspin'  afore  I  got  to  the  hole.  You 
saw  me  tryin'  to  get  to  the  hole,  Mrs. 
Lathrop,  'n'  then  you  saw  me  tryin'  to 
get  the  hammer.  I  thought  I  'd  go  somer- 
settin'  head  over  heels  afore  I  got  it  fished 
out  'n'  then  there  was  n't  no  place  to  lay  it 
down  ! 

"  Well,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  I  never  shall  be 
able  to  look  back  on  that  day  and  hour 
without  a  cold  conscience.  It  was  certainly 
a  awful  time.  I  took  a  nail  out  of  my 
mouth  'n'  a  shingle  off  my  neck  'n'  made 
ready  to  begin.  I  took  the  hammer  'n'  — 
just  then  —  I  looked  down — 'n'  if  there 
was  n't  the  minister  'n'  his  wife  just  turnin' 
in  my  gate  ! 

119 


THE   WOLF  AT  SUSAWS  DOOR 

"  Well,  of  course,  that  came  nigh  to  endin' 
me  ever  'n'  ever !  No  Christian  would 
ever  dream  of  answering  her  front- door  bell 
from  her  back  ridge-pole,  'n'  I  never  was 
one  to  do  nothin'  as  folks  could  talk  of.  I 
see  it  was  do  or  die  right  then  or  there  'n' 
I  made  a  quick  slide  for  the  porch  roof. 
You  know  what  happened,  'n'  I  never 
have  felt  to  forgive  the  minister,  even  if  it 
was  n't  him  as  drove  that  unexpected  nail 
in  my  roof.  Mrs.  Lathrop,  we  've  spoke 
of  this  afore,  'n'  I  've  said  then,  'n'  I  '11 
say  now,  that  in  spite  of  my  likin'  for  you, 
no  one  as  rocks  forever  on  a  cushion  can  be 
able  to  even  surmise  what  it  is  to  slide  quick 
over  a  unexpected  nail,  'n'  so  it  was  only 
natural  that  even  in  the  first  hour  I  never 
looked  for  anything  from  you  but  Pond's 
Extract.  But  I  may  remark  further  —  for 
it 's  right  you  should  know  —  that  nothin' 
in  my  whole  life  ever  rasped  me  worse  the 
wrong  way  of  my  hair  than  to  watch  you 
1 20 


MISS  CLEGG\S  SPECULATIONS 

rockin'  that  fortnight  that  I  had  my  choice 
to  stand  up  or  go  to  bed,  'n'  even  in  bed  I 
had  to  get  up  'n'  get  out  if  I  wanted  to 
turn  over.  Mr.  Shores  told  Mrs.  Macy  as 
probably  it  was  the  sun  as  had  drawed  that 
nail,  'n'  all  I  can  say  is  that  I  hope  if  it 
was  the  sun  'n'  he  ever  takes  it  into  his 
head  to  draw  another  of  my  nails,  that  he'll 
either  draw  it  completely  out  or  leave  it 
completely  in,  for  I  know  as  I  never  want 
to  come  down  from  another  ridge-pole  by 
way  of  another  nail  —  not  while  I  'm  alive 
anyhow." 

A  short  pause  and  a  long  sigh.  Mrs. 
Lathrop  sighed,  too. 

"Then  come  the  bill  from  the  carpenter 
'n'  from  young  Doctor  Brown,  'n'  for 
raisin'  the  anvil,  'n'  I  was  hardly  onto  my 
legs  before  Mr.  Dill's  horse  quit  his  hind 
ones.  Mr.  Weskin  was  up  'n'  doin'  as 
usual  'n'  advised  bringin'  a  joint  suit  with 
the  blacksmith  for  the  anvil  'n'  me  for  the 
121 


THE    WOLF  AT  SUSAN'S  DOOR 

crick,  but  even  if  I  was  helpless  the  black 
smith  wa'  n't  goin'  to  be  sued  if  he  could  do 
anything  else,  'n'  he  brung  Mr.  Dill  up  to 
see  if  we  could  n't  arbitrate  ourselves.  Mr. 
Dill 's  always  been  very  nice  to  me,  but 
that  wheat-fly  made  him  so  mad  to  be  paid 
something  by  somebody  that  it  took  the 
blacksmith  'n'  me  and  four  glasses  of  root 
beer  to  bring  him  to  reason.  In  the  end  he 
said  if  the  blacksmith  would  shoe  everything 
he  owned  till  it  died  'n'  if  I  would  put  up 
Lucy's  currants  till  I  died  that  he  'd  call 
them  two  legs  straight.  We  wrote  a  paper 
'n'  signed  it  'n'  I  went  to  bed,  'n'  seemed 
like  my  trials  were  certainly  more  than  any 
mortal  could  stand  under,  particularly  when 
you  consider  that  a  good  deal  of  the  time  I 
had  n't  been  able  to  sit  down. 

"  I  don't  see  why  any  one  should  be  sur 
prised  over  me  lookin*  worried.     It  says  in 
the  Bible  that  if  you  'n'  Mohamet  ain't  on 
the   mountain    you  're   bound    to   have    the 
122 


MISS  CLEGG'S  SPECULATIONS 

mountain  'n'  Mohamet  both  on  you,  V  I 
must  say  I  believe  it's  true.  I  've  had  to 
take  the  ten  dollars  as  I  never  touch,  'n' 
the  ten  as  I  never  will  touch,  'n'  the  ten  as 
I  never  will  touch  so  help  me  Heaven  —  'n' 
spend  'em  all.  'N'  I  don't  know  what  I 
am  goin'  to  do  now,  I  'm  sure.  Bein'  your 
self,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  you  can't  in  reason  be 
expected  to  understand  what  it  is  to  me  to 
have  no  one  but  you  to  turn  to.  You  Ve 
got  your  good  points,  but  you  ain't  no 
hand  to  have  ideas  nor  yet  to  advise.  I  've 
been  slow  in  comin'  to  that  view  of  you,  but 
1  've  got  to  it  at  last,  'n'  got  over  it,  'n' 
I  'm  walkin'  alone  now  on  the  further  side." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  looked  apologetic,  but 
remained  tritely  silent.  Susan  backed  away 
from  the  fence. 

"  It 's  gettin'  damp,"  she  said  ;  "  you  've 
got  rheumatism   anyway,  so  you  don't  care 
if  you  take  cold,  but   I   ain't  very  anxious 
to,  'n'  so  I  think  we  'd  ought  to  go  in." 
123 


THE    WOLF  AT  SUSAN'S  DOOR 

Mrs.  Lathrop  nodded,  and  turned  to  go. 

"  I  hope  I  have  n't  made  you  feel  uneasy, 
Mrs.  Lathrop,"  Susan  said,  as  she  also 
turned ;  "  you  know  me  well  enough  to 
know  as  if  I  come  to  starvation  it  would 
never  be  nothin'  but  a  joy  to  me  to  see 
you  starve  with  me." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  nodded. 

Susan  nodded. 

And  thus  they  parted  for  the  night. 


124 


PART   SECOND 

GRAN'MA   MULLINS'S   WOE 

IT    was    some  days    later  —  a    summer 
afternoon.     The  setting  sun  was  bright 
ening  the  western  sky,  and  Susan,  with 
her  bonnet  on  and    her  sun-shade    leaning 
beside  her,  sat  on  Mrs.  Lathrop's  porch  and 
discoursed  in  a  fashion  that  partook  alter 
nately    of  the   lively    and    of  the  dejected. 
Mrs.  Lathrop   rocked  calmly   and    listened 
yet  more  so. 

"  Things  is  goin'  worse  'n'  worse,"  said 
the  caller ;  "  I  've  had  to  bring  myself  down 
to  doin'  my  own  weedin',  so  as  to  save  that 
ten  cents  a  week  I  give  Augustus,  'n'  Lord 
knows  I  'd  gladly  put  up  anything  for  any 
body,  but  everybody  in  this  town  puts  up 
themselves.  I  don't  know  how  I  will  get 
125 


THE   WOLF  AT  SUSAN'S  DOOR 

along  if  suthin'  don't  turn  up,  'n'  I  can't 
see  what  can  turn  up  with  every  one  head 
over  ears  deep  in  the  weddin's  'n'  young 
Doctor  Brown  settin'  the  whole  town  mad 
over  the  crick.  That's  a  very  strange  thing 
about  the  crick,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  'n'  it  seems 
to  be  pretty  generally  admitted  now  that 
inside  or  out  the  crick 's  good  for  most  any 
thing  in  anybody,  but  this  new  idea  as  it 's  a 
sure  cure  for  asthma  is  just  doin'  folks  up 
alive.  Young  Doctor  Brown  says  he's  been 
investigatin'  under  his  own  microscope,  'n' 
he  says  there  ain't  a  doubt  but  the  crick 
polliwogs  can  eat  up  the  asthma  polliwogs 
as  fast  as  you  can  shake  'em  together  in 
a  bottle.  He 's  goin'  to  Meadville  'n' 
shake  'em  up  for  old  Doctor  Carter,  'n' 
then  he  's  goin'  to  send  to  the  city  for  a  pint 
of  typhoid  fever  'n'  a  half-pint  of  diphtheria 
'n'  let  'em  loose  on  that.  Mr.  Kimball 
asked  him  if  he  was  positive  which  side  was 
doin'  the  swallowin'  'n'  if  he  had  the  crick 
126 


ones  wear  a  band  on  their  left  arms  when 
they  went  into  battle,  but  young  Doctor 
Brown  explained  as  there  could  n't  be  no 
mistake,  for  asthma  has  got  four  claws  in  its 
tail  and  the  crick  has  horns  all  over.  Mrs. 
Macy  says,  under  them  circumstances  she 
shall  make  her  tea  with  boiled  rain-water 
hereafter,  'n'  she  says  she  ain't  sure  as  she  's 
got  enough  faith  left  in  the  crick  to  even 
scrub  with  it." 

«  If  I"  _  said  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  Gran'ma  Mullins  is  a  good  deal  upset," 
said  Susan ;  "  she  don't  like  the  notion  of 
young  Doctor  Brown's  bringin'  so  much  ty 
phoid  and  diphtheria  into  town  just  as  Hi 
ram  's  goin'  to  get  married  a  tall.  She  says 
she  's  got  enough  to  worry  over  about  Hiram 
without  that.  She  says  she  's  feelin'  worse 
over  him  every  day.  She  can't  talk  about 
it  without  chokin'.  She  says  she  's  got  his 
rattle  and  his  first  sock  pinned  up  by  the 
clock,  so  every  time  she  looks  up  at  the 
127 


THE   WOLF  AT  SUSAN'S  DOOR 

time  she  can  see  'em  'n'  cry  again.  She 
says  it  ain't  in  reason  as  Lucy  '11  ever  under 
stand  Hiram.  She  says  Hiram 's  a  very 
singular  disposition,  but  if  you  always  ask 
him  to  do  what  you  don't  want  done  'n'  to 
never  do  what's  got  to  be  done  right  off 
he  's  one  of  the  handiest  men  around  the 
house  as  she  ever  see.  She  says  he  eats  a  lot 
of  sugar  'n'  you  must  n't  notice  it,  'cause  he 
always  says  as  he  never  does  ;  and  he  most 
never  goes  to  church,  but  you  must  n't  tell 
him  so,  'cause  he  says  he  goes  regular,  'n' 
she  says  as  he  likes  to  keep  molasses  candy 
in  his  pockets  'n'  under  his  pillow,  'n' 
heaven  knows,  likin'  molasses  candy  ain't 
no  crime,  and  yet  she  's  almost  sure  Lucy  's 
goin*  to  make  his  life  miserable  over  it.  She 
says  her  cup  was  full  enough  without  no 
pint  of  diphtheria  added,  'n'  I  d'n  know  as 
I  ever  see  any  one  more  downhearted.  Mrs. 
Macy  'n'  me  stayed  and  shook  our  heads 
with  her  for  a  while  'n'  then  we  went  on  to 
128 


GRANDMA   MULLINS'S   WOE 

Mrs.  Allen's  to  look  at  Polly's  weddin' 
things.  Every  one  in  town  is  goin'  to  look 
at  Polly's  weddin'  things,  'n'  you  'd  really 
suppose  as  the  deacon  was  any  one  in  the 
world  but  the  deacon  to  see  how  they  've 
fixed  Polly  up  to  marry  him.  Four  of 
everythin'  'n'  six  o'  some.  Only  not  a 
apron  in  the  whole, —  the  deacon  wouldn't 
have  it.  He  said  right  out  as  he  wa'n't 
marryin'  Polly  to  work  her  to  skin  'n'  bone, 
and  he  knows  how  he  wants  his  house  kept 
'n'  his  cookin'  done,  so  he'll  just  keep  on 
keepin'  'n'  cookin'  as  usual.  He's  fixed  up 
a  good  deal ;  the  canary  bird  's  got  a  brass 
hook  after  all  these  years  o'  wooden-peggin', 
'n'  he  's  bought  one  o'  them  new  style  door 
mats  made  out  o'  wire  with  c  Welcome  P.  W.' 
let  into  it  in  green  marbles.  {  P.  W.'  stands 
for  f  Polly  White,'  'n'  Mr.  Kimball  told 
Mr.  Macy  they  had  a  awful  time  over 
sticking  the  marbles  in  'n'  a  awful  time 
gettin'  the  letters  to  suit.  The  deacon  was 
9  129 


THE    WOLF  AT  SUSAWS  DOOR 

for  <P.  W.'  all  along  V  Polly  was  for 
the  deacon,  but  Mrs.  Allen  was  for  Polly's 
name,  because  Polly  ain't  married  yet,  'n' 
they  got  P.  A.  stuck  in  afore  any  one 
knowed  how  it 'd  look,  'n'  then  they  tried 
to  patch  it  up  with  a  *  W  added  'n'  that 
seemed  like  it  was  a  new  way  to  say  to  be 
sure  'n'  wipe  your  feet.  Mr.  Kimball  told 
Mrs.  Macy  he  nigh  to  died  laughin',  'n' 
he  did  n't  mind  how  he  broke  his  nails 
pickin'  marbles  in  'n'  out  when  he  could 
have  so  much  fun.  So  they  settled  for 
*  P.  W.,'  'n'  Mrs.  Macy  's  more  than  a  little 
bitter  over  it  all,  for  she  says  the  deacon  '11 
soon  come  to  his  senses  'n'  then  it'll  be  too 
late  to  get  that  *  P.  W.'  off  of  his  door-mat 
again.  But  the  deacon  ain't  carin'.  He's 
friskin'  around  like  a  colt,  'n'  they  say  he  's 
got  two  new  suits  of  clothes  'n'  a  new  hat 
for  the  goin'  away.  He  was  always  that  way 
though  —  I  recolleck  Mr.  Kimball's  sayin' 
when  Mrs.  White  died  that  the  deacon  had 
130 


GRANDMA   MULLINS'S   WOE 

been  dyein'  his  hair  'n'  bein'  patient  for  over 
fifteen  years. 

"Well  —  about  them  weddin'  things  of 
Polly's  !  —  Mrs.  Allen  took  me  upstairs 
'n'  I  saw  'em  all.  The  weddin'  veil  is 
looped  along  the  lamberquin  with  a  glove 
pinned  to  each  curtain,  the  dress  hangs  on  a 
frame  between  against  the  window  shade, 
'n'  the  under  things  is  folded  on  a  table  at 
one  side  with  the  stockin's  tied  together  in  a 
true  lovers'-knot.  I  must  say  they  Ve  done 
it  all  real  tasty,  with  the  deacon's  picture  in 
the  middle  leanin'  up  against  her  shoes. 
It's  a  open  question  about  the  shoes  still, 
'cause  if  Polly  wears  any  shoes  a  fall  it  only 
makes  her  that  much  more  higher  than  the 
deacon,  but  Mrs.  Allen  says,  seein'  as  it's  as 
it  is,  she  hopes  Polly  '11  only  think  o'  how  the 
higher  her  heels  is  the  more  room  it'll  give 
her  train  to  spread.  It's  a  very  handsome 
train  'n'  they  've  measured  so  's  it  Ml  make  the 
next  set  o'  parlor  curtains  at  the  Whites'. 


THE   WOLF  AT  SUSAN^S  DOOR 

"  I  declare,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  I  can't  tell 
you  how  all  these  weddin's  'n'  talkin's  do 
blue  me  up  !  To  see  every  one  spendin' 
money  'n'  rne  without  any  even  to  save. 
Mr.  Dill  asked  me  yesterday  if  I  did  n't 
want  to  take  Gran'ma  Mullins  to  board  for 
the  honeymoon,  an'  I  suppose  I  could 
maybe  do  it,  but  oh  my  !  I  can't  say  as  I 
take  to  that  idea  much.  I  'm  fond  o' 
Gran'ma  Mullins,  but  these  days  Hiram  is 
nothin'  but  a  bottomless  pit  when  she  gets 
at  him,  'n'  a  honeymoon  is  a  long  time 
to  hear  one  person  talk  about  one  person. 
I  can 't  say  as  I  ever  had  any  thin'  again 
Hiram  except  that  time  't  he  did  n't  catch 
Jathrop  to  lynch  him,  but  all  the  same  I 
ain't  over  fond  o'  any  one  as  goes  around 
with  their  mouth  half-open  the  year  through. 
Mr.  Kimball  said  once  as  Hiram  Mullins 
was  the  best  design  for  a  penny  bank  as  he 
ever  saw,  'n'  Polly  Allen  says  she's  more'n 
sorry  for  Lucy,  'cause  no  matter  how  hard 
132 


GRANDMA   MULLINS'S   WOE 

Lucy  was  to  try,  Polly  says  it  stands  to 
reason  as  she  could  n't  get  more  'n  half  a 
kiss  at  once.  Mrs.  Allen  giggled,  'n'  we 
all  did,  too,  'cause  the  deacon  carries  his 
mouth  so  tight  shut  that  it's  a  question  if 
Polly  ever  gets  a  kiss  a  tall. 

"  Mrs.  Brown  says  Doctor  Brown  is 
gettin'  surer  'n'  surer  about  the  crick. 
He  's  been  paintin'  the  cat  with  asthma  'n' 
then  washin'  him  in  crick  water,  'n'  Mrs. 
Brown  says  he  wa'n't  dead  up  to  the  time  he 
run  away  anyhow." 

"That  big  —  "  queried  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  Yes,  with  the  yellow  eyes.  He  's  been 
gone  a  week,  but  they  don't  care.  Mrs. 
Brown  says  that  cat  was  so  everlastin'ly 
around  that  he  made  her  feel  like  she  was 
married  again,  'n'  she  was  glad  to  have  him 
light  out.  She  says  he  was  so  like  a  man  it 
was  awful,  —  wantin'  to  sit  by  the  fire  'n' 
think  till  you  was  dyin'  to  empty  the  tea 
kettle  over  his  head,  'n'  forever  placidly 
133 


yawnin'  when  you  was  turned  a  hundred 
ends  at  once.  Mrs.  Brown  says  Amelia's 
goin'  to  give  a  wash-cloth  shower  for  Polly 
and  Lucy  day  after  to-morrow.  She  says 
young  Doctor  Brown  says  if  he  comes  out 
on  top  about  that  crick-cure  for  asthma 
Amelia  can  do  anythin'  she  pleases.  He 
says  this  town  '11  be  a  real  cure  then,  'n' 
we'll  see  no  end  of  money  flow  into  us, — 
she  says  he  says  we  can  all  take  boarders  at 
fancy  prices  'n'  serve  'em  to  the  crick  at  a 
penny  a  glass.  I  don't  know  but  what  I 
might  take  a  few  quiet  boarders  myself  that 
way.  They  'd  be  quiet  because  they  could  n't 
be  lively,  'n'  the  asthma 'd  choke  'em  to 
where  they  could  n't  eat  much." 

"I  —  "  said  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  I  could  have  'Liza  Em'ly  to  help  me,  I 
presume.  I  could  advertise  'n'  when  they 
answered  I  could  go  in  town  'n'  look  at 
them  and  take  my  pick.  I  'd  want  to  be 
sure  as  they  were  quiet,  'n'  I  'd  want  to  be 
134 


GRANDMA   MULLINS'S   WOE 

sure  as  they  were  sick  —  I  would  n't  take  no 
chances  at  havin'  one  o'  these  merry-go- 
round  summer  families  land  on  me,  I  know. 
Like  as  not  there  'd  be  a  boy,  'n'  you 
know  yourself,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  that  while  a 
boy  may  perhaps  accidentally  happen  to  be 
a  comfort  he  's  very  much  more  likely  just 
to  be  a  boy." 

"Yes,"  said  Mrs.  Lathrop  —  "!  —  " 

"Yes,  o'  course,"  said  Susan,  " 'n'  look 
where  he  come  out!  If  Jathrop  had  been 
a  girl  how  different  everything  would  have 
been  for  him  —  not  to  speak  o'  the  rest  of 
us.  You  can't  deny  that,  Mrs.  Lathrop, 
'n'  you  can't  deny  either  as  Jathrop  would 
have  been  better  off  himself  if  he  'd  been 
any  other  thing  as  God  ever  made." 

"  He  —  "  said  the  mother. 

"  You    thought    so,"    said    Susan,    "  but 

nobody  else   ever   did.      Mothers  is  always 

mothers  'n'  the  best  will  in  the  world  don't 

seem  able  to   help  'em   out  o'   the   scrape. 

135 


THE   WOLF  AT  SUSANS  DOOR 

There 's  Gran'ma  Mullins  just  cryin'  her 
eyes  out  these  days  over  Hiram,  'n'  you  'd 
think  Lucy  was  a  sea-serpent  and  Hiram 
was  chained  to  a  rock  to  hear  her  go  on. 
She  says  she  's  raised  Hiram  so  careful  to 
be  a  comfort  to  her  all  these  years  'n'  she 
says  he  promised  her  when  he  was  only 
two  'n'  a  half  years  old  that  he  'd  never 
smoke  nor  drink  nor  get  married.  She 
says  she 's  trusted  him  all  his  life  'n'  this 
is  the  first  time  as  he  ever  broke  his  word 
to  her.  She  says  all  his  little  ways  is  just 
so  sweet,  but  she  feels  sure  Lucy  won't 
never  let  him  dip  his  bread  in  the  platter- 
gravy  'n'  Hiram  's  so  awful  fond  of  plat 
ter-gravy.  She  says  he  likes  to  have  the 
potato-smasher  right  by  his  place  at  the 
table  'n'  pound  the  meat  to  make  more  juice 
come  out,  'n'  she  says  it 's  been  nothin' 
but  a  joy  to  her  always  to  let  him,  'cause 
his  father  died  when  he  wa'n't  but  eleven 
months  old.  But  she  says  she  just  knows 
136 


GRANDMA   MULLINS^S   WOE 

Lucy  '11  be  death  on  Hiram's  potato-smasher, 
V  she  says  she  most  feels  as  if  Lucy  was 
goin'  to  be  death  on  Hiram,  too.  She  says 
she  can't  look  at  Hiram  these  days  without 
chokin'  over  thinkin'  how  Lucy  's  goin'  to 
look  at  him  inside  o'  three  months.  She 
says  Hiram  's  a  very  tender  nature,  he  can't 
be  hurried  awake  mornin's,  'n'  if  he  wakes 
up  in  the  night  he  has  to  have  gingerbread 
'n*  whistle  till  he  drops  off  to  sleep  again. 
She  says  no  one  as  really  loved  Hiram  would 
mind  such  little  trifles  as  that,  but  she  says 
she  has  her  doubts  as  to  Lucy's  really  lovin' 
Hiram,  'n'  even  if  she  does  really  love  him 
now,  she  says  it  ain't  no  reason  as  she  '11  keep 
on  lovin'  him  long.  She  says  time  alone  '11 
tell  what  the  end  '11  be,  'n'  she  only  hopes  'n' 
prays  that  whatever  Lucy  does  or  does  n't 
do,  that  she'll  never  forget  as  she  was 
well  'n'  richly  warned  beforehand,  for  she 
says  she  went  herself  in  streamin'  tears  'n' 
begged  her  not  to  marry  Hiram,  an'  she 's 
137 


THE   WOLF  AT  SUSANS  DOOR 

kept  straight  on  till  now  she 's  almost 
done  it." 

Susan  ceased  speaking  and  took  up  her 
parasol. 

"Are  —  "remonstrated  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  I  must,"  said  her  neighbor ;  "  I  'm 
hungry  'n'  I  want  time  to  beat  up  some 
soda-biscuit.  It's  no  use  your  askin'  me 
to  stay  to  supper,  because  my  heart  is  set  on 
soda-biscuit  'n'  I  like  my  own  better  than 
any  one  could  ever  like  yours.  I  don't  say 
that  unkindly,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  for  I  ain't  got 
a  unkind  thing  about  me,  'n'  I  could  n't 
lay  anything  up  against  you  even  if  I 
wanted  to.  Even  when  I  get  all  at  outs 
with  you  over  your  rockin'  I  never  lay  it 
up  against  you  —  we've  been  friends  too 
many  years.  If  you  can  be  happy  rockin' 
through  life  till  some  fine  day  you  rock 
over  backward  into  your  coffin,  all  I  can 
say  is  that  it  won't  be  my  funeral,  'n'  bein' 
as  it  will  be  yours,  I  shall  be  too  busy  that 
138 


GRANDMA   MULLINS^S   WOE 

day  to  fuss  over  ifs  V  ands.  I  'm  keepin* 
the  board  'n'  saw-horses  as  father  had  for 
you,  'n'  the  black  bow  from  his  door-bell, 
too,  'n'  after  you  're  done  with  them  I  'm 
intendin'  to  give  them  to  the  first  needy  'n' 

deservin'  person  as  comes  along  in  need  of 

>       » 
em. 

Susan  started  down  the  steps. 

"But — "  protested  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  Probably  not,"  said  her  friend,  "  but 
you  never  can  tell.  Anyhow  I  'm  goin' 
now.  You  don't  appear  to  consider  how 
valuable  my  time  is,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  but 
that's  another  thing  as  I  don't  lay  up 
against  you." 

For  the  next  week  Miss  Clegg's  financial 
difficulties  rubbed  on  in  much  the  same 
way.  So  did  the  wedding  preparations  of 
Polly  Allen  and  Lucy  Dill.  Debts  and 
dates  are  two  things  which  are  famous  for 
movement,  and  in  between  her  periods  of 
139 


THE    WOLF  AT  SUSAN'S  DOOR 

repose  in  her  own  house  and  of  activity 
about  town  Susan  seized  every  chance  pos 
sible  to  impart  the  impending  state  of  every 
one's  affairs  to  her  neighbor. 

"The  blacksmith  was  up  again  last 
night,"  she  said  one  sunny  morning,  when 
the  need  of  hanging  out  her  wash  had 
brought  her  and  Mrs.  Lathrop  within  con 
versational  distance  ;  "  he  wants  to  have  his 
rent  a  little  lowered  so  as  he  can  bric-a-brac 
the  side  of  the  crick  himself.  He  says 
there 's  stones  enough  to  do  it,  only  he 
must  hire  a  man  to  help  him.  I  told  him 
I  'd  consider  it,  'n'  goin'  out  in  the  dark 
he  fell  over  the  scraper.  I  declare  I  got 
a  damage-suit  chill  right  down  my  spine 
'n'  I  run  out  with  a  candle,  'n',  thank 
heaven,  he  had  n't  broke  nothin'  but  the 
scraper.  I  Ve  been  wonderin'  if  it  would 
pay  to  sue  him  for  that,  but  I  don't  believe 
I  will,  because  folks  has  been  fallin'  over  it 
ever  since  father  nailed  it  to  the  front  o'  the 
140 


GRANDMA   MULLINS'S    WOE 

step  so 's  to  let  his  pet  weasel  go  back  'n' 
forth  at  the  side.  The  weasel 's  been  dead  for 
ages,  but  the  scraper's  never  been  changed. 
I  wish  I  could  remember  that  weasel. 
Father  loved  him  'n'  mother  hated  him, 
—  she  said  she  was  always  findin'  him 
asleep  in  her  shoes  and  sleeves.  I  was 
speakin'  about  it  to  Gran'ma  Mullins  to-day 
'n'  she  said  she  remembered  comin'  to  tea 
at  mother's  once  'n'  their  findin'  the  weasel 
in  the  tea-pot.  I  guess  that 's  the  first  time 
Gran'ma  Mullins  has  spoken  of  any  livin' 
soul  but  Hiram  in  six  months.  She 's 
feelin'  worse  than  ever  over  Lucy's  decidin' 
to  be  married  at  home  on  account  o'  the 
blue  bengaline.  She  says  that's  a  extra 
turn  o'  the  ice-cream-freezer  handle  as  she 
never  counted  on  havin'  to  submit  to.  She 
says  she  naturally  supposed  if  Hiram  got 
married  as  she  'd  sit  in  the  front  pew  for 
once  in  her  life,  'n'  see  the  bride's  dress 
good,  'n'  hear  the  answers  plain,  'n'  now 
141 


THE    WOLF  AT  SUSANS  DOOR 

instid  her  only  child,  as  she's  loved  like  a 
mother  ever  since  he  was  born,  is  goin'  to 
be  married  in  a  parlor  as  private  as  if  he  was 
bein'  buried  from  the  smallpox !  She  says, 
oh  dear,  oh  dear,  seems  like  she  never  will  be 
able  to  live  down  that  mirror  as  she  smashed 
with  her  head  the  first  time  she  saw  what 
she  looked  like.  She  says  she  wa'n't 
more'n  nine  months  old  'n'  yet  that  mirror 
has  tagged  her  right  through  life  ever  since. 
She  says  she  missed  all  her  school  exami 
nations  'n'  did  n't  get  the  deacon  'n'  did 
get  her  husband,  'n'  as  if  that  wa'n't 
enough  she  must  needs  lose  her  husband, 
'n'  she  's  had  no  choice  but  to  be  a  widow 
ever  since,  'n'  she's  been  sprained  in  all 
directions  'n'  been  broke  in  all  directions 
'n'  her  mince-meat  'most  always  ferments 
'n'  Hiram  's  been  her  one  bright  spot  'n' 
now  he  's  got  to  get  married  in  a  parlor. 
She  says  the  worst  is  as  it  would  draw 
bread  right  out  of  a  stone  to  see  how 
142 


GRANDMA   MULLINS'S   WOE 

cheerful  Hiram  is  these  days, —  she  says 
any  one  would  suppose  as  Lucy  Dill  was 
goiri'  to  surely  make  him  happy  to  see 
how  he  goes  smilin'  around.  She  says  it 's 
one  of  the  most  pathetikest  sights  as  she 
ever  see  to  watch  Hiram  markin*  off  the 
days  on  his  calendar,  'n'  she  cried  when 
she  told  me.  She  says  no  one  need  n't 
tell  her  as  there  's  any  one  else  like  Hiram, 
for  she  knows  him  well  enough  to  know 
as  it  could  n't  possibly  be  true.  And  then 
she  cried  again.  I  tell  you  what,  Mrs. 
Lathrop,  I  may  be  pretty  well  churned 
up  over  my  money  troubles,  but  I  can 
assure  you  as  I  feel  like  a  monkey  jump- 
in'  through  three  rings  at  once  beside 
Gran'ma  Mullins.  Mrs.  Macy  says  that 
when  Hiram  goes  to  see  Lucy  you  can 
hear  her  sobbin'  way  to  the  crick, —  Mrs. 
Macy  says  the  first  night  she  thought  it 
was  Mr.  Jilkins  comin'  into  town  with  a 
hot  wheel.  I  would  n't  be  surprised  myself 
143 


THE    WOLF  AT  SUSAN'S  DOOR 

to  see  Gran'ma  Mullins  drop  dead  when 
she  hears  Lucy  get  Hiram  for  better  for 
worse.  It 's  awful  to  see  a  mother  suffer 
so.  I  don't  see  how  Hiram  stands  it.  If 
I  was  him  *n'  she  had  a  stroke  at  my  wed 
ding  I  should  call  it  a  stroke  o'  luck  V 
nothin'  else.  Not  that  I  don't  feel  kindly 
disposed  towards  Gran'ma  Mullins,  but  I  'm 
pretty  tired  hearin'  her  tale  o'  woe.  Other 
folks'  troubles  is  generally  more  interestin' 
to  other  folks  than  they  are  to  me,  and  be 
sides,  if  it  really  comes  to  talkin'  of  troubles, 
nobody  ain't  got  no  more  to  talk  about 
than  I  have  myself.  This  money  question 
is  nippin'  me  sharper  in  the  calves  every 
day,  and  when  Mrs.  Macy  told  me  yester 
day  as  her  steps  was  givin'  out  I  felt  like 
sittin'  down  on  'em  when  they  done  it. 
Lord  knows,  I  'd  never  be  one  to  wave 
my  flag  from  no  post-hole  in  the  thick  of 
no  flight,  'n'  you  know  yourself,  Mrs. 
Lathrop,  that  as  a  general  thing  I  keep  a 
144 


GRANDMA   MULLINS'S   WOE 

stiff  upper-cut  through  black  and  blue,  but 
still  if  Mrs.  Macy's  steps  really  do  break 
down  I  feel  like  I  shall  have  no  choice  but 
to  Jack-and-Jill  it  after  'em." 

"Maybe — "  suggested  Mrs.  Lathrop, 
hopefully. 

"  Well,  I  ain't  a-expectin'  it  anyhow. 
I  'm  expectin'  ruin,  'n'  I  can  hear  it  howlin' 
and  nosin'  around  my  house  all  night  long. 
Somethin'  was  swimmin'  in  the  cistern  last 
night,  too,  —  if  it  made  the  other  side  safe 
I  'm  all  right,  but  if  it  drowned  there  '11  be 
another  bill.  It  ain't  no  use  your  tryin*  to 
cheer  me  up,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  because  I  ain't 
to  be  cheered.  I  know  I  'm  goin'  to  the 
poorhouse,  'n'  I  don't  thank  you  nor  no 
other  man  for  tellin'  me  to  my  face  as  what 
I  know  ain't  so.  Gran'rna  Mullins  'n'  me 
is  two  very  sad  hearts  these  days,  'n' 
Heaven  help  us  both.  To  hear  her  talk 
you  'd  think  the  Siamese  twins  was  the 

sun  and  moon  apart   compared   to   her  'n' 
10  I45 


THE   WOLF  AT  SUSAN'S  DOOR 

Hiram,  'n'  now  she's  got  to  give  him  up 
to  Lucy  Dill.  She  says  Lucy  ain't  old 
enough  to  appreciate  Hiram ;  she  says 
Lucy  '11  expect  Hiram  to  be  pleased,  'n' 
Hiram  ain't  never  pleased ;  she  says  when 
Hiram  keeps  still  'n'  don't  say  nothin'  he  's 
pleased,  'n'  when  he  goes  to  bed  'n'  to 
sleep  right  off  he  's  real  pleased.  She  says 
Lucy  won't  understand,  'n'  then  there  '11 
be  trouble.  She  says  trouble  is  a  awful 
thing  to  have,  'n'  she  knows  all  about  it 
'cause  she  had  it  with  her  husband.  She 
says  the  only  good  o'  havin'  trouble  with 
your  husband  is  the  comfort  you  get  out  o' 
talkin'  about  it,  'n'  that  when  she  thinks  as 
Lucy  '11  get  her  comfort  out  o'  talkin'  about 
Hiram  she  pretty  nearly  gets  up  and  goes 
right  out  of  her  mind." 

Susan   stopped   suddenly  ;  she    had   been 
standing  with  her  basket  in  her  hand,  in  the 
attitude    of    one    arrested    for    a    moment's 
inquiry,  throughout  this  conversation. 
146 


GRANDMA   MULLINS'S   WOE 

"  Did  you  —  "  said  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"Yes,  I  did.  It  wasn't  no  great  joy, 
pinched  as  I  am,  but  I  believe  in  doin'  what 
you  can  for  people  gettin'  married  —  God 
help  'em  —  'n'  I  give  'em  each  somethin'. 
I  give  Lucy  a  very  good  pair  of  scissors  as 
mother  had,  as  always  grabs  me  in  the  joint 
so  I  can't  use  'em,  'n'  I  give  Polly  our 
best  carvin'  knife.  They  was  both  sharp 
things,  so  they  each  had  to  give  me  a  cent 
to  hold  on  to  friendship.  I  know  two 
cents  ain't  much,  but  it 's  better  'n  nothin', 
'n'  I  may  tell  you  in  confidence,  Mrs. 
Lathrop,  as  all  my  presents  '11  be  sharp 
right  along  from  now  on." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  raised  her  eyebrows  to 
testify  to  the  acute  perception  which  had 
grasped  her  friend's  point  at  once. 

"Are  you  —  "  she  asked  presently. 

"Coin'  to  the  weddin's  ?  —  oh,  yes.  It 
may  make  me  a  little  blue  to  look  at 
Lucy,  but  it  could  n't  but  cheer  anybody  to 
147 


THE   WOLF  AT  SUSAN'S  DOOR 

compare  themselves  with  Gran'ma  Mullins. 
She  says  it's  goin'  to  half  murder  her,  'n' 
she  's  made  Hiram  promise  as  he'll  give  her 
his  first  husband's  kiss.  Lucy  's  got  the 
idea  as  she  '11  have  a  weddin'  procession  o' 
Mr.  Dill  'n'  her,  an'  Hiram  'n'  his  mother, 
down  the  stairs  'n'  in  through  the  back 
parlor.  Hiram  don't  want  to,  'cause  he's 
afraid  his  mother  won't  let  go  of  him  when 
the  time  comes.  Hiram  says  he  ain't  lived 
through  these  last  weeks  o'  half  stranglin' 
without  knowin'  what  he  's  talkin'  about  al! 
right,  but  Lucy  's  dead  set  on  the  procession. 
They  're  goin'  to  try  'n'  keep  Polly  'n'  the 
deacon  a  little  back  'n'  out  o'  sight,  'cause 
there's  a  many  as  thinks  as  half  o'  Gran'ma 
Mullins's  tears  is  for  the  deacon,  only  she 
can't  say  so.  Mrs.  Allen  says  every  one  is 
talkin'  that  idea,  'n'  Mrs.  Sperrit  says  she 
hopes  to  Heaven  as  it  ain't  so,  for  how  the 
deacon  is  to  be  kept  a  little  back  God  only 
knows,  for  he  's  so  happy  these  days  that 
148 


GRANDMA   MULLINS'S   WOE 

he's  more  than  ever  everlastin'ly  on  tap. 
Mrs.  Sperrit  's  been  very  kind  ;  she  's  goin' 
to  take  Gran'ma  Mullins  to  the  Dills',  V 
she  says  she  '11  take  her  home  afterwards. 
Gran'ma  Mullins  is  goin'  to  carry  ammonia 
'n*  camphor,  'n*  be  sure  an'  have  the  corks 
out  of  'em  both." 

"  I  wish  —  "  said  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  Yes,  I  do,  too,"  said  her  friend,  heartily, 
"  but  I  '11  come  'n'  tell  you  about  them 
both  right  afterwards.  I  d'n  know  as  I 
was  ever  more  curious  in  my  life  than  I  am 
to  see  how  Lucy  is  going  to  claw  Hiram 
free  long  enough  to  marry  him.  'N'  I  'm 
interested  in  Polly's  weddin',  too.  But 
there  is  no  use  deceivin'  you  as  to  one 
thing,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  'n'  that  is  as  what 
interests  me  the  most  of  all,  is  what  under 
the  sun  I  'm  goin'  to  do  myself  to  get  some 
money.  I  can't  live  on  bread  'n'  water 
alone,  'n'  even  if  I  could,  the  flour  '11  soon 
give  out  if  I  bread  it  along  steady  for  very 
149 


THE    WOLF  AT  SUSAN'S  DOOR 

long.  I  've  got  to  get  some  money  some 
how,  'n'  I  've  about  made  up  my  mind  as 
to  what  I  '11  have  to  do.  It  makes  me  sick 
to  think  of  it,  'cause  I  hate  him  so,  but  I 
guess  I  '11  have  to  come  to  it  in  the  end. 
I  '11  go  to  the  weddin's,  'n'  then  I  '11  brace 
up  'n'  make  the  leap." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  looked  perturbed  —  even 
slightly  anxious. 

"  I  'm  sorry  not  to  be  able  to  tell  you  all 
my  plans,"  Miss  Clegg  continued,  "  but  —  " 

She  stopped  suddenly  —  a  train-whistle 
had  sounded  afar. 

"  My  heavens  alive  !  if  that  ain't  to-day's 
ten-o'clock  comin'  from  Meadville,  'n'  me 
solemnly  promised  to  be  at  Lucy's  at  half- 
past  nine  to  help  Mrs.  Macy  stone  raisins  ! 
Well,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  I  would  n't  have 
believed  it  of  you  if  I  had  n't  been  a  eye 
witness!  —  " 


PART   THIRD 

LUCY   DILL'S   WEDDING 


,  Lucy  has  got  Hiram!" 
There  was  such  a  strong  in 
flection  of  triumphant  joy  in 
Miss  Clegg's  voice  as  she  called  the  momen 
tous  news  to  her  friend  that  it  would  have 
been  at  once  —  and  most  truthfully  —  sur 
mised  that  the  getting  of  Hiram  had  been 
a  more  than  slight  labor. 

Mrs.  Lathrop  was  waiting  by  the  fence, 
impatience  written  with  a  wandering  reflec 
tion  all  over  the  serenity  of  her  every-day 
expression.  Susan  only  waited  to  lay  aside 
her  bonnet  and  mitts  and  then  hastened  to 
the  fence  herself. 

"  Mrs.  Lathrop,  you  never  saw  nor  heard 
the  like  of  this  weddin'  day  in  all  your  own 


THE   WOLF  AT  SUSAN'S  DOOR 

days  to  be  or  to  come,  V  I  don't  suppose 
there  ever  will  be  anything  like  it  again, 
for  Lucy  Dill  did  n't  cut  no  figger  in  her 
own  weddin'  a  /<z//,  —  the  whole  thing  was 
Gran'ma  Mullins  first,  last  'n'  forever  here 
after.  I  tell  you  it  looked  once  or  twice 
as  if  it  would  n't  be  a  earthly  possibility  to 
marry  Hiram  away  from  his  mother,  'n' 
now  that  it 's  all  over  people  can't  do  any 
thing  but  say  as  after  all  Lucy  ought  to 
consider  herself  very  lucky  as  things  turned 
out,  for  if  things  had  n't  turned  out  as  they 
did  turn  out  I  don't  believe  anything  on 
earth  could  have  unhooked  that  son,  'n' 
I  'm  willin'  to  swear  that  anywhere  to  any 
one. 

"Do    you    know,    Mrs.     Lathrop,     that 
Gran'ma  Mullins  was  so  bad  off  last  night 

o 

as  they  had  to  put  a  mustard  plaster  onto 
her  while  Hiram  went  to  see  Lucy  for  the 
last  time,  'n'  Mrs.  Macy  says  as  she  never 
hear  the  beat  o'  her  memory,  for  she  says 
152 


LUCY  DILL'S   WEDDING 

she'll  take  her  Bible  oath  as  Gran'ma  Mul- 
lins  told  her  what  Hiram  said  'n'  done 
every  minute  o'  his  life  while  he  was  gone 
to  see  Lucy  Dill.  'N'  she  cried,  too,  'n' 
took  on  the  whole  time  she  was  talkin'  'n' 
said  Heaven  help  her,  for  nobody  else 
could,  'n'  she  just  knowed  Lucy  'd  get 
tired  o'  Hiram's  story  'n'  he  can't  be  happy 
a  whole  day  without  he  tells  it,  'n'  she 's 
most  sure  Lucy  won't  like  his  singin' 
*  Marchin'  Through  Georgia  '  after  the  first 
month  or  two,  'n'  it 's  the  only  tune  as 
Hiram  has  ever  really  took  to.  Mrs. 
Macy  says  she  soon  found  she  could  n't  do 
nothin'  to  stem  the  tide  except  to  drink  tea 
'n'  listen,  so  she  drank  an'  listened  till  Hiram 
come  home  about  eleven.  Oh,  my,  but  she 
says  they  had  the  time  then !  Gran'ma 
Mullins  let  him  in  herself,  'n'  just  as  soon 
as  he  was  in  she  bu'st  into  floods  of  tears 
'n'  would  n't  let  him  loose  under  no  consid 
eration.  She  says  Hiram  managed  to  get 
153 


THE   WOLF  AT  SUSANS  DOOR 

his  back  to  the  wall  for  a  brace  'cause 
Gran'ma  Mullins  nigh  to  upset  him  every 
fresh  time  as  Lucy  come  over  her,  'n'  Mrs. 
Macy  says  she  could  n't  but  wonder  what 
the  end  was  goin'  to  be  when,  toward  mid 
night,  Hiram  just  lost  patience  'n'  dodged 
out  under  her  arm  'n'  ran  up  the  ladder  to 
the  roof-room  'n'  they  could  n't  get  him  to 
come  down  again.  She  says  when  Gran'ma 
Mullins  realized  as  he  would  n't  come  down 
she  most  went  mad  over  the  notion  of  her 
only  son's  spendin'  the  Christmas  Eve  to 
his  own  weddin'  sleepin'  on  the  floor  o'  the 
attic  'n'  she  wanted  to  poke  the  cot  up  to 
him,  but  Mrs.  Macy  says  she  drew  the  line 
at  cot-pokin'  when  the  cot  was  all  she  'd 
have  to  sleep  on  herself,  'n'  in  the  end  they 
poked  quilts  up,  'n'  pillows,  'n'  doughnuts 
'n'  cider  'n'  blankets,'  n'  Hiram  made  a  very 
good  bed  on  the  floor  'n'  they  all  got  to 
sleep  about  three  o'clock. 

"  Well,    Mrs.    Lathrop,    what    do    you 
154 


LUCY  DILL'S   WEDDING 

think?  What  do  you  think?  They  was 
so  awful  tired  that  none  of  'em  woke  till 
Mrs.  Sperrit  come  at  eleven  next  day  to 
take  'em  to  the  weddin' !  Mrs.  Macy  says 
she  hopes  she  '11  be  put  forward  all  her 
back-slidin's  if  she  ever  gets  such  a  start 
again.  She  says  when  she  peeked  out 
between  the  blinds  'n'  see  Mrs.  Sperrit's 
Sunday  bonnet  'n'  realized  her  own  state 
she  nearly  had  a  fit.  Mrs.  Sperrit  had  to 
come  in  'n'  be  explained  to,  'n'  the  worst 
of  it  was  as  Hiram  could  n't  be  woke  no 
how.  He  'd  pulled  the  ladder  up  after  him 
'n'  put  the  lid  on  the  hole  so  's  to  feel  safe, 
'n'  there  he  was  snug  as  a  bug  in  a  rug  'n' 
where  no  human  bein'  could  get  at  him. 
They  hollered  'n'  banged  doors  'n'  sharp 
ened  the  carvin'  knife  an'  poured  grease  on 
the  stove  'n'  did  anything  they  could  think 
of,  but  he  never  budged.  Mrs.  Macy  says 
she  ne^er  was  so  close  to  beside  herself  in  all 
her  life  before,  for  Gran'ma  Mullins  cried 
ISS 


THE   WOLF  AT  SUSAN'S  DOOR 

worse  'n  ever  each  minute,  'n'  Hiram  seemed 
like  the  very  dead  could  n't  wake  him. 

"  They  was  all  hoppin'  around  half  crazy 
when  Mr.  Sperrit  come  along  on  his  way 
to  the  weddin'  'n'  his  wife  run  out  'n'  told 
him  what  was  the  matter  'n'  he  come  right 
in  'n'  looked  up  at  the  matter.  It  did  n't 
take  long  for  him  to  unsettle  Hiram,  Mrs. 
Macy  says.  He  got  a  sulphur  candle  'n' 
tied  it  to  a  stick  'n'  h'isted  the  lid  with 
another  stick,  'n'  in  less  'n  two  minutes 
they  could  all  hear  Hiram  sneezin'  an'  comin' 
to.  'N'  Mrs.  Macy  says  when  they  hollered 
what  time  it  was  she  wishes  the  whole  town 
might  have  been  there  to  see  Hiram  Mul- 
lins  come  down  to  earth.  Mr.  Sperrit 
did  n't  hardly  have  time  to  get  out  o'  the 
way  'n'  he  did  n't  give  his  mother  no  show 
for  one  single  grab,  —  he  just  bounced  into 
his  room  'n'  you  could  have  heard  him 
gettin'  dressed  on  the  far  side  o'  the  far 
bridge. 

156 


LUCY  DILL'S   WEDDING 

"  O'  course,  us  at  Lucy's  did  n't  know 
anythin'  a  tall  about  Mrs.  Macy's  troubles. 
We  had  our  own,  Heaven  help  us,  'n'  they 
was  enough,  for  the  very  first  thing  of  all 
Mr.  Dill  caught  his  pocket  on  the  corner  of 
Mrs.  Dill  'n'  come  within  a  ace  of  pullin' 
her  off  her  easel.  That  would  have  been  a 
pretty  beginnin'  to  Lucy's  weddin'  day  if  her 
father  had  smashed  her  mother's  glass  to  bits, 
I  guess,  but  it  could  n't  have  made  Lucy 
any  worse ;  for  I  will  say,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  as 
I  never  see  no  one  in  all  my  born  life  act 
foolisher  than  Lucy  Dill  this  day.  First 
she  'd  laugh  'n'  then  she  'd  cry  'n'  then  she  'd 
lose  suthin'  as  we  'd  got  to  have  to  work 
with.  'N'  when  it  come  to  dressin'  her!  — 
well,  if  she  'd  known  as  Hiram  was  sleepin' 
a  sleep  as  next  to  knowed  no  wakin'  she 
could  n't  have  put  on  more  things  wrong 
side  out  an'  hind  side  before  !  She  was  n't 
dressed  till  most  every  one  was  there  'n'  I 
was  gettin'  pretty  anxious,  for  Hiram  was  n't 
157 


THE    WOLF  AT  SUSAN'S  DOOR 

there  neither,  'n'  the  more  fidgety  people 
got  the  more  they  caught  their  corners  on 
Mrs.  Dill.  I  just  saved  her  from  Mr. 
Kimball,  'n'  Amelia  saw  her  goin'  as  a  re 
sult  o'  Judge  Fitch  'n'  hardly  had  time  for 
a  jump.  The  minister  himself  was  beginnin' 
to  cough  when,  all  of  a  sudden,  some  one 
cried  as  the  Sperrits  was  there. 

"  Well,  we  all  squeezed  to  the  window, 
'n*  such  a  sight  you  never  saw.  They  was 
gettin'  Gran'ma  Mullins  out  'n'  Hiram  was 
tryin'  to  keep  her  from  runnin'  the  color  of 
his  cravat  all  down  his  shirt  while  she  was 
sobbin'  '  Hi-i-i-i-ram,  Hi-i-i-i-i-ram',  in  a 
voice  as  would  wring  your  very  heart  dry. 
They  got  her  out  'n'  got  her  in  an'  got  her 
upstairs,  'n'  we  all  sat  down  'n'  begin  to  get 
ready  while  Amelia  played  *  Lead,  Kindly 
Light '  and  '  The  Joyous  Farmer '  alternate, 
'cause  she'd  mislaid  her  Weddin'  March. 

"  Well,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  you  never  knowed 
nothin'  like  it !  —  we  waited,  '»'  we  waited, 
158 


LUCY  DILL'S   WEDDING 

V  we  waited,  V  the  minister  most  coughed 
himself  into  consumption,  'n'  Mrs.  Dill  got 
caught  on  so  often  that  Mr.  Kimball  told 
Ed  to  stand  back  of  her  'n'  hold  her  to  the 
easel  every  minute.  Amelia  was  just  begin 
ning  over  again  for  the  seventeenth  time 
when  at  last  we  heard  'em  bumpin'  along 
downstairs.  Seems  as  all  the  delay  come 
from  Lucy's  idea  o'  wantin'  to  walk  with  her 
father  'n*  have  a  weddin'  procession,  instid 
o'  her  'n'  Hiram  comin'  in  together  like 
Christians  'n'  lettin'  Mr.  Dill  hold  Gran'ma 
Mullins  up  anywhere.  Polly  says  she  never 
see  such  a  time  as  they  had  of  it ;  she 
says  fightin'  wolves  was  layin'  lambs  beside 
the  way  they  talked.  Hiram  said  frank  'n' 
open  as  the  reason  he  did  n't  want  to  walk 
in  with  his  mother  was  he  was  sure  she 
would  n't  let  him  out  to  get  married,  but 
Lucy  was  dead  set  on  the  procession  idea. 
So  in  the  end  they  done  it  so,  'n'  Gran'ma 
Mullins's  sobs  fairly  shook  the  house  as  they 
159 


come  through  the  dinin'-room  door.  Lucy 
was  first  with  her  father  'n'  they  both  had 
their  heads  turned  backward  lookin'  at 
Hiram  'n'  his  mother. 

"Well,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  it  was  certainly  a 
sight  worth  seein' !  The  way  that  Gran'ma 
Mullinswas  glued  on!  All  I  can  say  is  as 
octopuses  has  got  their  backs  turned  in  com 
parison  to  the  way  that  Hiram  seemed  to  be 
all  wrapped  up  in  her.  It  looked  like  wild 
horses,  not  to  speak  of  Lucy  Dill,  would  n't 
never  be  able  to  get  him  loose  enough  to 
marry  him.  The  minister  was  scared ;  we 
was  all  scared.  I  never  see  a  worse  situation 
to  be  in. 

"  They  come  along  through  the  back 
parlor,  Lucy  lookin'  back,  Mr.  Dill  white  as 
a  sheet,  'n*  Hiram  walkin'  like  a  snow- 
plough  as  is  n't  sure  how  long  it  can  keep  on 
makin'  it.  It  seemed  like  a  month  as  they 
was  under  way  before  they  finally  got 
stopped  in  front  o'  the  minister.  'N'  then 
160 


LUCY  DILL'S   WEDDING 

come  the  time  !  Hiram  had  to  step  beside 
Lucy  V  take  her  hand  'n'  he  could  n't ! 
We  all  just  gasped.  There  was  Hiram 
tryin'  to  get  loose  'n'  Mr.  Dill  tryin'  to 
help  him.  Gran'ma  Mullins's  tears  dripped 
till  you  could  hear  'em,  but  she  hung  on  to 
Hiram  like  he  'd  paid  for  it.  They  worked 
like  Trojan  beavers,  but  as  fast  as  they  'd 
get  one  side  of  him  uncovered  she  'd  take  a 
fresh  wind-round.  I  tell  you,  we  all  just 
held  our  breath,  'n'  I  bet  Lucy  was  sorry 
she  persisted  in  havin'  a  procession  when 
she  see  the  perspiration  runnin'  off  her 
father  'n'  poor  Hiram. 

"  Finally  Polly  got  frightened  'n'  begun 
to  cry,  'n'  at  that  the  deacon  put  his  arm 
around  her  'n'  give  her  a  hug,  an'  Gran'ma 
Mullins  looked  up  just  in  time  to  see  the 
arm  'n'  the  hug.  It  seemed  like  it  was  the 
last  hay  in  the  donkey,  for  she  give  a  weak 
screech  'n'  went  right  over  on  Mr.  Dill. 
She  had  such  a  grip  on  Hiram  that  if  it 
»  161 


THE    WOLF  AT  SUSAN'S  DOOR 

had  n't  been  for  Lucy  he  'd  have  gone  over, 
too,  but  Lucy  just  hung  on  herself  that 
time,  V  Hiram  was  rescued  without  nothin' 
worse  than  his  hair  mussed  V  one  sleeve 
a  little  tore.  Mr.  Sperrit  V  Mr.  Jilkins 
carried  Gran'ma  Mullins  into  the  dinin'- 
room,  'n'  I  said  to  just  leave  her  fainted  till 
after  we  'd  got  Hiram  well  'n'  truly  married  ; 
so  they  did. 

"  I  never  see  the  minister  rattle  nothin' 
through  like  that  marriage-service.  Every 
one  was  on  whole  papers  of  pins  'n'  needles, 
'n'  the  minute  it  was  over  every  one  just 
felt  like  sittin'  right  straight  down. 

"  Mrs.  Macy  'n'  me  went  up  'n'  watered 
Gran'ma  Mullins  till  we  brought  her  to, 
'n'  when  she  learned  as  it  was  all  done 
she  picked  up  wonderful  'n'  felt  as  hungry 
as  any  one,  'n'  come  downstairs  'n'  kissed 
Lucy  'n'  caught  a  corner  on  Mrs.  Dill 
just  like  she  'd  never  been  no  trouble  to 
no  one  from  first  to  last.  I  never  see 
162 


such  a  sudden  change  in  all  my  life;  it 
was  like  some  miracle  had  come  out  all 
over  her  V  there  was  n't  no  one  there  as 
was  n't  rejoiced  to  death. 

"  We  all  went  out  in  the  dinin'-room  'n' 
the  sun  shone  in  'n'  every  one  laughed 
over  nothin'  a  tall.  Mrs.  Sperrit  pinned 
Hiram  up  from  inside  so  his  tear  did  n't 
show,  'n'  Lucy  'n'  he  set  side  by  side 
'n'  looked  like  no  one  was  ever  goin'  to 
ever  be  married  again.  Polly  'n'  the  dea 
con  set  opposite  'n'  the  minister  'n'  his  wife 
'n'  Mr.  Dill  'n'  Gran'ma  Mullins  made  up 
the  table.  The  rest  stood  around,  'n'  we 
was  all  as  lively  as  words  can  tell.  The 
cake  was  one  o'  the  handsomest  as  I  ever 
see,  two  pigeons  peckin'  a  bell  on  top  'n' 
Hiram  'n'  Lucy  runnin'  around  below  in 
pink.  There  was  a  dime  inside  'n'  a 
ring,  an'  I  got  the  dime,  'n'  they  must 
have  forgot  to  put  in  the  ring  for  no  one 
got  it." 

163 


THE    WOLF  AT  SUSAN'S  DOOR 

Susan  paused  and  panted. 

"-It  was  — "  commented  Mrs.  Lathrop, 
thoughtfully. 

"  Nice  that  I  got  the  dime  ?  —  yes,  I 
should  say.  There  certainly  was  n't  no  one 
there  as  needed  it  worse,  'n',  although  I  'd 
never  be  one  to  call  a  dime  a  fortune,  still 
it  is  a  dime,  'n'  no  one  can't  deny  it  the 
honor,  no  matter  how  they  feel.  But,  Mrs. 
Lathrop,  what  you  'd  ought  to  have  seen 
was  Hiram  'n'  Lucy  ready  to  go  off.  I  bet 
no  one  knows  they're  brides  —  I  bet  no 
one  knows  what  they  are,  —  you  never  saw 
the  like  in  all  your  worst  dreams.  Hiram 
wore  spectacles  'n'  carpet-slippers  'n'  that 
old  umbrella  as  Mr.  Shores  keeps  at  the 
store  to  keep  from  bein'  stole,  'n'  Lucy 
wore  clothes  she  'd  found  in  trunks  'n' 
her  hair  in  curl-papers,  'n'  her  cold-cream 
gloves.  They  certainly  was  a  sight,  'n' 
Gran'ma  Mullins  laughed  as  hard  as  any 
one  over  them.  Mr.  Sperrit  drove  'em 
164 


LUCY  DILUS   WEDDING 

to  the  train,  'n'  Hiram  says  he 's  goin'  to 
spend  two  dollars  a  day  right  along  till  he 
comes  back ;  so  I  guess  Lucy  '11  have 
a  good  time  for  once  in  her  life.  'N' 
Gran'ma  Mullins  walked  back  with  me  'n' 
not  one  word  o'  Hiram  did  she  speak.  She 
was  all  Polly  'n'  the  deacon.  She  said  it 
wa'n't  in  reason  as  Polly  could  imagine 
him  with  hair,  'n'  she  said  she  was  thinkin' 
very  seriously  o'  givin'  her  a  piece  o'  his 
hair  as  she 's  got,  for  a  weddin'  present. 
She  said  Polly  'd  never  know  what  he  was 
like  the  night  he  give  her  that  hair.  She 
said  the  moon  was  shinin'  'n'  the  frogs  were 
croakin',  'n'  she  kind  o'  choked ;  she  says 
she  can't  smell  a  marsh  to  this  day  without 
seein'  the  deacon  givin'  her  that  piece  of 
hair.  I  cheered  her  up  all  I  could  —  I 
told  her  anyhow  he  could  n't  give  Polly 
a  piece  of  his  hair  if  he  died  for  it.  She 
smiled  a  weak  smile  'n'  went  on  up  to 
Mrs.  Brown's.  Mrs.  Brown  's  asked  her  to 
165 


THE    WOLF  AT  SUSAN'S  DOOR 

stay  with  her  a  day  or  two.  Mrs.  Brown 
has  her  faults,  but  nobody  can't  deny  as 
she's  got  a  good  heart,  —  in  fact,  some 
times  I  think  Mrs.  Brown's  good  heart 
is  about  the  worst  fault  she 's  got.  I  've 
knowed  it  lead  her  to  do  very  foolish 
things  time  'n'  again  —  things  as  I  thank 
my  star  I  'd  never  think  o'  doin'  —  not  in 
this  world." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  shifted  her  elbows  a 
little ;  Susan  withdrew  at  once  from  the 
fence. 

"  I  must  go  in,"  she  said,  "  to-morrow  is 
goin'  to  be  a  more  'n  full  day.  There 's 
Polly's  weddin'  'n'  then  in  the  evenin' 
Mr.  Weskin  is  comin'  up.  You  need  n't 
look  surprised,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  because  I  've 
thought  the  subject  over  up  'n'  down  'n' 
hind  end  foremost  'n'  there  aint'  nothin' 
left  for  me  to  do.  I  can't  sell  nothin'  else 
'n'  I  've  got  to  have  money,  so  I  'm  goin' 
to  let  go  of  one  of  those  bonds  as  father 
166 


LUCY  DILL'S   WEDDING 

left  me.  There  ain't  no  way  out  of  it ;  I 
told  Mr.  Weskin  I  'd  expect  him  at  sharp 
eight  on  sharp  business,  'n'  he  '11  come. 
'N'  I  must  go  as  a  consequence.  Good 
night. " 


167 


PART    FOURTH 

MR.   JILKINS'S   HAT 

POLLY  ALLEN'S  wedding  took  place 
the  next  day,  and  Mrs.  Lathrop  came 
out  on  her  front  piazza  about   half 
past  five  to  wait  for  her  share  in  the  event. 

The  sight  of  Mrs.  Brown  going  by  with 
her  head  bound  up  in  a  white  cloth,  ac 
companied  by  Gran'ma  Mullins  with  both 
hands  similarly  treated,  was  the  first  inkling 
the  stay-at-home  had  that  strange  doings  had 
been  lately  done. 

Susan  came  next  and  Susan  was  a  sight ! 
Not  only  did   her  ears  stand  up  with   a 
size   and    conspicuousness    never    inherited 
from  either  her  father  or  her  mother,  but 
also    her   right   eye   was   completely   closed 
and  she  walked  lame. 
168 


MR.  JILKINS'S  HAT 

"  The  Lord  have  mercy ! "  cried  Mrs. 
Lathrop,  when  the  full  force  of  her  friend's 
affliction  effected  its  complete  entrance  into 
her  brain,  —  "Why,  Susan,  what  —  " 

"Mrs.  Lathrop,"  said  Miss  Clegg,  "all 
I  can  say  is  I  come  out  better  than  the 
most  of  'em,  'n'  if  you  could  see  Sam 
Duruy  or  Mr.  Kimball  or  the  minister 
you  'd  know  I  spoke  the  truth.  The  dea 
con  'n'  Polly  is  both  in  bed  'n'  can't  see 
how  each  other  looks,  'n'  them  as  has  a 
eye  is  goin*  to  tend  them  as  can't  see  at  all, 
an'  God  help  'em  all  if  young  Dr.  Brown 
an'  the  mud  run  dry  ! "  with  which  pious 
ejaculation  Susan  painfully  mounted  the 
steps  and  sat  down  with  exceeding  gentle 
ness  upon  a  chair. 

Mrs.  Lathrop  stared  at  her  in  dumb 
and  wholly  bewildered  amazement.  After 
a  while  Miss  Clegg  continued. 

"  It  was  all  the  deacon  's  fault.     Him  'n' 
Polly  was  so  dead  set  on  bein'  fashionable 
169 


THE    WOLF  AT  SUSAN'S  DOOR 

'n'  bein'  a  contrast  to  Hiram  an  Lucy,  'n' 
I  hope  to-night  as  they  lay  there  all  puffed 
up  as  they  '11  reflect  on  their  folly  'n'  think 
a  little  on  how  the  rest  of  us  as  did  n't  care 
rhyme  or  reason  for  folly  is  got  no  choice 
but  to  puff  up,  too.  Mrs.  Jilkins  is  awful 
mad ;  she  says  Mr.  Jilkins  wanted  to  wear 
his  straw  hat  anyhow,  'n'  she  says  she 
always  has  hated  his  silk  hat  'cause  it 
reminds  her  o*  when  she  was  young  'n' 
foolish  enough  to  be  willin'  to  go  'n' 
marry  into  a  family  as  was  foolish  enough 
to  marry  into  Deacon  White.  Mrs.  Jil 
kins  is  extra  hot  because  she  got  one  in 
the  neck,  but  my  own  idea  is  as  Polly 
Allen's  weddin'  was  the  silliest  doin's  as  I 
ever  see  from  the  beginnin',  'n'  the  end 
wa'n't  no  more  than  might  o'  been  ex 
pected —  all  things  considered. 

"  When   I   got  to   the  church,   what  do 
you  think  was  the  first  thing  as  I  see,  Mrs. 
Lathrop  ?      Well,    you  'd    never   guess    till 
170 


MR.   JILKINS'S  HAT 

kingdom  come,  so  I  may  as  well  tell  you. 
It  was  Ed  'n'  Sam  Duruy  'n'  Henry 
Ward  Beecher  'n'  Johnny  standin'  there 
waitin'  to  show  us  to  our  pews  like  we 
did  n't  know  our  own  pews  after  sittin'  in 
'em  for  all  our  life-times !  I  just  shook 
my  head  'n'  walked  to  my  pew,  'n'  there, 
if  it  was  n't  looped  shut  with  a  daisy-chain  ! 
Well,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  I  wish  you  could 
have  been  there  to  have  felt  for  me,  for  I 
may  remark  as  a  cyclone  is  a  caterpillar 
wove  up  in  hisself  beside  my  face  when 
I  see  myself  daisy-chained  out  o'  my  own 
pew  by  Polly  Allen.  Ed  was  behind  me 
'n'  he  whispered  c  That 's  reserved  for  the 
family.'  I  give  him  one  look  'n'  I  will 
state,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  as  he  wilted.  It 
did  n't  take  me  long  to  break  that  daisy- 
chain  'n'  sit  down  in  that  pew,  'n'  I  can 
assure  you  as  no  one  asked  me  to  get  up 
again.  Mrs.  Jilkins's  cousins  from  Mead- 
ville  come  'n'  looked  at  me  sittin'  there, 
171 


THE    WOLF  AT  SUSAN'S  DOOR 

but  I  give  them  jus'  one  look  back  'n' 
they  went  V  sat  with  Mrs.  Macy  them 
selves.  A  good  many  other  folks  was  as 
surprised  as  me  over  where  they  had  to  sit, 
but  we  soon  had  other  surprises  as  took  the 
taste  o'  the  first  clean  out  o'  our  mouths. 

"Just  as  Mrs.  Davison  begin  to  play 
the  organ,  Ed  'n'  Johnny  come  down  with 
two  clothes-lines  wound  'round  with  clem 
atis  'n'  tied  us  all  in  where  we  sat.  Then 
they  went  back  'n'  we  all  stayed  still  'n' 
could  n't  but  wonder  what  under  the  sun 
was  to  be  done  to  us  next.  But  we  did  n't 
have  long  to  wait,  'n'  I  will  say  as  anythin' 
to  beat  Polly's  ideas  I  never  see  —  no  — 
nor  no  one  else  neither. 

"'Long  down  the  aisle,  two  'n'  two,  'n' 
hand  in  hand,  like  they  thought  they  was 
suthin'  pretty  to  look  at,  come  Ed  'n' 
Johnny  'n'  Henry  Ward  Beecher  'n'  Sam 
Duruy,  'n'  I  vow  'n'  declare,  Mrs.  Lathrop, 
I  never  was  so  nigh  to  laughin'  in  church  in 
172 


MR.  JILKINS'S  HAT 

all  my  life.  They  knowed  they  was  funny, 
too,  'n'  their  mouths  'n'  eyes  was  tight  set 
sober,  but  some  one  in  the  back  just  had  to 
giggle,  'n'  when  we  heard  it  we  knew  as 
things  as  was  n't  much  any  other  day  would 
use  us  up  this  day,  sure.  They  stopped  in 
front  'n'  lined  up,  two  on  a  side,  'n'  then, 
for  all  the  world  like  it  was  a  machine-play, 
the  little  door  opened  'n'  out  come  the 
minister  'n'  solemnly  walked  down  to  be 
tween  them.  I  must  say  we  was  all  more 
than  a  little  disappointed  at  its  only  bein'  the 
minister,  'n'  he  must  have  felt  our  feelin's, 
for  he  began  to  cough  'n'  clear  up  his  throat 
'n'  his  little  desk  all  at  once.  Then  Mrs. 
Davison  jerked  out  the  loud  stop  'n'  began  to 
play  for  all  she  was  worth,  'n'  the  door  behind 
banged  'n'  every  one  turned  aroun'  to  see. 

"  Well,   Mrs.    Lathrop,   we  saw,  —  'n'   I 

will  in  truth  remark  as  such  a  sawin*  we  '11 

never  probably  get  a  chance  to  do    again  ! 

Mrs.  Sweet  says  they  practised  it  over  four 

173 


THE   WOLF  AT  SUSAN'S  DOOR 

times  at  the  church,  so  they  can't  deny  as 
they  meant  it  all,  'n'  you  might  lay  me 
crossways  'n'  cut  me  into  chipped  beef  'n' 
still  I  would  declare  as  I  would  n't  have  the 
face  to  own  to  havin'  had  any  hand  in 
plannin'  any  such  weddin'. 

"First  come  'Liza  Em'ly  'n'  Rachel 
Rebecca  hand  in  hand  carryin'  daisies  —  of 
all  things  in  the  world  to  take  to  a  weddin' 
—  'n'  then  come  Brunhilde  Susan,  with  a 
daisy-chain  around  her  neck  'n'  her  belt 
stuck  full  o'  daisies  'n'  —  you  can  believe 
me  or  not,  jus'  as  you  please,  Mrs.  Lathrop, 
'n'  still  it  won't  help  matters  any  —  'n'  a 
daisy  stuck  in  every  button  down  her  back, 
'n'  daisies  tangled  up  in  her  hair,  'n'  a 
bunch  o'  daisies  under  one  arm. 

"  Well,  we  was  nigh  to  overcome  by 
Brunhilde  Susan,  but  we  drawed  some  fresh 
breath  'n'  kept  on  lookin',  'n'  next  come 
Polly  'n'  Mr.  Allen.  I  will  say  for  Mr. 
Allen  as  he  seemed  to  feel  the  ridiculousness 
174 


MR.   JILKINS"  S  HAT 

of  it  all,  for  a  redder  man  I  never  see,  nor 
one  as  looked  more  uncomfortable.  He 
was  daisied,  too  —  had  three  in  his  button 
hole  ;  —  but  what  took  us  all  was  the  way 
him  'n'  Polly  walked.  I  bet  no  people 
gettin'  married  ever  zigzagged  like  that 
before,  'n'  Mrs.  Sweet  says  they  practised  it 
by  countin'  two  'n'  then  swingin'  out  to  one 
side,  'n'  then  countin'  two  'n'  swingin'  out 
to  the  other  —  she  watched  'em  out  of  her 
attic  window  down  through  the  broke  blind 
to  the  church.  Well,  all  I  can  say  is,  that 
to  my  order  o'  thinkin'  countin'  'n'  swingin' 
is  a  pretty  frame  o'  mind  to  get  a  husband  in, 
but  so  it  was,  'n'  we  was  all  starin'  our  eyes 
off  to  beat  the  band  when  the  little  door 
opened  'n',  to  crown  everythin'  else,  out 
come  the  deacon  'n'  Mr.  Jilkins,  each  with 
a  daisy  'n'  a  silk  hat,  'n'  I  will  remark, 
Mrs.  Lathrop,  as  new-born  kittens  is  blood- 
red  murderers  compared  to  how  innocent  that 
hat  o'  Mr.  Jilkins  looked.  Any  one  could 
175 


see  as  it  was  n't  new,  but  he  was  n't  new  either 
as  far  as  that  goes,  'n'  that  was  what  struck 
me  in  particular  about  the  whole  thing  — 
nothin'  'n'  nobody  was  n't  any  different  only 
for  Polly's  foolishness  'n'  the  daisies. 

"  Well,  they  sorted  out  'n'  begun  to  get 
married,  'n'  us  all  sittin'  lookin'  on  'n'  no 
more  guessin'  what  was  comin'  next  than  a 
ant  looks  for  a  mornin'  paper.  The  minister 
was  gettin'  most  through  'n'  the  deacon  was 
gettin'  out  the  ring,  'n'  we  was  lookin'  to  get 
up  'n'  out  pretty  quick,  when  —  my  heavens 
alive,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  I  never  will  forget  that 
minute — when  Mr.  Jilkins — poor  man,  he's 
sufferin'  enough  for  it,  Lord  knows  !  —  when 
Mr.  Jilkins  dropped  his  hat ! 

"That  very  next  second  him  'n'  Ed  'n' 
Brunhilde  Susan  all  hopped  'n'  yelled  at 
once,  'n'  the  next  thing  we  see  was  the 
minister  droppin'  his  book  'n'  grabbin'  his 
arm  'n'  the  deacon  tryin'  madly  to  do  hisself 
up  in  Polly's  veil.  We  would  'a'  all  been 
176 


MR.   JILKINS'S  HAT 

plum  petrified  at  such  goings  on  any  other 
day,  only  by  that  time  the  last  one  of  us 
was  feelin*  to  hop  and  grab  'n'  yell  on  his 
own  account.  Gran'ma  Mullins  was  tryin' 
to  slap  herself  with  the  seat  cushion,  'n'  the 
way  the  daisies  flew  as  folks  went  over  'n' 
under  that  clematis  rope  was  a  caution.  I 
got  out  as  quick  as  I  —  " 

"  But  what  —  "  interrupted  Mrs.  Lathrop, 
her  eyes  fairly  marble-like  in  their  redundant 
curiosity. 

"  It  was  wasps  !"  said  Susan.  "  It  was  a 
young  wasps'  nest  in  Mr.  Jilkins's  hat. 
Seems  they  carried  their  hats  to  church  in 
their  hands  'cause  Polly  did  n't  want  no  red 
rings  around  'em,  'n'  so  he  never  suspected 
nothin'  till  he  dropped  it.  'N'  oh,  poor 
little  Brunhilde  Susan  in  them  short  skirts 
of  hers  —  she  might  as  well  have  wore  a  bee 
hive  !  I  will  in  confidence  remark  as  I  got 
off  easy,  'n'  you  can  look  at  me  'n'  figger  on 
what  them  as  got  it  hard  has  got  on  them. 
177 


Young  Dr.  Brown  went  right  to  work  with 
mud  'n'  Polly's  veil  V  plastered  'em  over 
as  fast  as  they  could  get  into  Mrs.  Sweet's. 
Mrs.  Sweet  was  mighty  obligin'  'n'  turned 
two  flower-beds  inside  out  'n'  let  every  one 
scoop  with  her  kitchen  spoons,  besides 
runnin'  aroun'  herself  like  she  was  a  slave 
gettin'  paid.  They  took  the  deacon  'n' 
Polly  right  to  their  own  house.  They  can't 
see  one  another  anyhow,  'n'  they  was  most 
all  married  anyway,  so  it  did  n't  seem  worth 
while  to  wait  till  the  minister  gets  the  use  of 
his  upper  lip  again." 

"Why  —  "  interrogated  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  Young  Dr.  Brown  wanted  to,"  said 
Susan,  "  he  wanted  to  fill  my  ears  with  mud, 
'n'  my  eye,  too,  but  I  did  n't  feel  to  have 
it  done.  You  can't  die  o*  wasps'  bills,  'n' 
you  can  o'  young  Dr.  Brown's  —  leastways 
when  you  ain't  got  no  money  to  pay  'em, 
like  I  ain't  got  just  at  present." 

"  It's  —  "  said  Mrs.  Lathrop. 
178 


MR.   JILKINS'S  HAT 

"Yes,"  said  Susan,  "it  struck  me  that 
way,  too.  This  seems  to  be  a  very  unlucky 
town.  Anything  as  comes  seems  to  catch 
us  all  in  a  bunch.  The  cow  most  lamed  the 
whole  community  'n'  the  automobile  most 
broke  its  back  ;  time  '11  tell  what  '11  be  the 
result  o'  these  wasps,  but  there  won't  be  no 
church  Sunday  for  one  thing,  I  know. 

"  'N'  it  ain't  the  least  o'  my  woes,  Mrs. 
Lathrop,  to  think  as  I  Ve  got  to  sit  'n' 
smile  on  Mr.  Weskin  to-night  from  between 
two  such  ears  as  is  on  me,  for  a  rr\an  is  a 
man,  'n'  it  can't  be  denied  as  a  woman  as  is 
mainly  ears  ain't  beguilin'.  Besides,  I  may 
in  confidence  state  to  you,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  as 
the  one  as  buzzed  aroun'  my  head  wa'n't 
really  no  wasp  a  tall  in  comparison  to  the 
one  as  got  under  my  skirts." 

Mrs.  Lathrop's  eyes  were  full  of  sincere 
condolence ;  she  did  not  even  imagine  a 
smile  as  she  gazed  upon  her  afflicted  friend. 

"  I  must  go,"  said  the  latter,  rising  with 
179 


THE   WOLF  AT  SUSAN'S  DOOR 

a  groan,  "  seems  like  I  never  will  reach  the 
bottom  o'  my  troubles  this  year.  I  keep 
thinkin'  there  's  nothin'  left  'n'  then  I  get  a 
wasp  at  each  end  at  once.  Well,  I  '11  come 
over  when  Mr.  Weskin  goes  —  if  I  have 
strength." 

Then  she  limped  home. 

It  was  about  nine  that  night  that  she  re 
turned  and  pounded  vigorously  on  her 
friend's  window-pane.  Mrs.  Lathrop  woke 
from  her  rocker-nap,  went  to  the  window 
and  opened  it.  Susan  stood  below  and  the 
moon  illuminated  her  smile  and  her  ears 
with  its  most  silvery  beams. 

"  He 's  just  gone  !  "  she  announced. 

"Yes,"  said  Mrs.  Lathrop,  rubbing  her 
eyes. 

"  He  's  gone  ;  I  come  over  to  tell  you." 

"What  —  "  said  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  I  would  n't  care  if  my  ears  was  as  big  as 
a  elephant's  now." 

1 80 


MR.   JILKINS'S  HAT 

"Why  —  "  asked  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  Mrs.  Lathrop,  you  know  as  I  took 
them  bonds  straight  after  father  died  'n' 
locked  'em  up  'n'  I  ain't  never  unlocked 
'em  since  ? " 

Mrs.  Lathrop  assented  with  a  single  rapt 
nod. 

"Well,  when  I  explained  to  Mr.  Weskin 
as  I  'd  got  to  have  money  'n'  how  was  the 
best  way  to  sell  a  bond,  he  just  looked  at 
me,  'n'  what  do  you  think  he  said  —  what 
do  you  think  he  said,  Mrs.  Lathrop  ?  " 

Mrs.  Lathrop  hung  far  out  over  the 
window-sill  —  her  gaze  was  the  gaze  of  the 
ever  earnest  and  interested. 

Susan  stood  below.  Her  face  was  aglow 
with  the  joy  of  the  affluent —  her  very  voice 
might  have  been  for  once  entitled  as  silvery. 

"He  said,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  he  said,  f  Miss 
Clegg,  why  don't  you  go  down  to  the  bank 
and  cut  your  coupons  ? ' 


181 


A  VERY  SUPERIOR  MAN 


A  VERY  SUPERIOR  MAN 

MISS  CLEGG  sat  in  Mrs.  Lathrop's 
rocking-chair,  on  Mrs.   Lathrop's 
kitchen  stoop.     Mrs.  Lathrop  sat 
at  her  friend's  feet,  picking  over  currants. 
If  she  picked  over  a  great  many   she  in 
tended    making  jelly ;   if  only    a   few,   the 
result  was  to  be  a  pie. 

Susan  had  on  her  bonnet  and  mitts  and 
held  her  sun-umbrella  firmly  gripped  be 
tween  her  two  hands  and  her  two  knees. 
She  looked  weary  and  worn. 

"  It  seems  kind  o'  funny  that  I  bothered 
to  go,  now  that  I  come  to  think  it  over," 
she  said,  gazing  meditatively  down  upon  her 
friend  and  her  friend's  currant-picking ;  "  I 
wa'n't  no  relation  of  Rufus  Timmans,  'n' 
although  I  don't  deny  as  it's  always  a 
185 


A    VERY  SUPERIOR  MAN 

pleasure  to  go  to  any  one's  funeral,  still  it's 
a  long  ways  to  Meadville,  'n'  the  comin' 
back  was  most  awful,  not  to  speak  o'  havin' 
no  dinner  nowhere.  It  never  makes  no  one 
brisk  but  a  horse  to  go  without  eatin',  'n'  I 
must  in  consequence  say  't  I  was  really  very 
sorry  as  Rufus  was  dead  durin'  the  last  part 
of  the  drive ;  but  o'  course  he  was  a  very 
superior  man,  'n'  as  a  consequence  nobody 
wanted  to  have  it  said  in  after  life  as  they 
wa'n't  to  his  buryin'.  So  I  went  along  with 
the  rest,  'n'  Heaven  help  me  now,  for  I  never 
was  more  beat  out  in  all  my  life.  I  was  up 
awful  early  this  mornin'  to  be  sure  o'  not 
bein'  left,  'n'  I  may  in  confidence  remark  as 
I  Ve  thought  many  times  to-day  as  if  I  had 
been  left  I  'd  of  been  a  sight  better  off. 
Long  rides  is  very  frisky  for  them  as  is 
young  'n'  in  love  'n'  likes  to  drive  alternate, 
but  for  a  woman  o'  my  age,  bein'  wedged 
solid  for  sixteen  miles  at  a  time  is  most 
tryin' ;  'n'  comin'  back  some  o'  them  smart 
186 


A    VERY  SUPERIOR  MAN 

Meadville  boys  had  the  fine  idea  o'  puttin' 
walnuts  under  the  seats,  'n'  we  rode  most 
of  the  way  thinkin'  as  they  was  our  bones 
till  Mr.  Dill  jus'  got  up  'n'  whopped  his 
cushion  over  to  see  if  it  'd  feel  any  different 
the  other  side,  'n'  I  may  state  as  the  results 
I  shall  remember  till  I  die." 

"Who  —  "  began  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  Everybody  !  "  said  Susan  ;  "  I  never 
knowed  how  superior  Rufus  was  till  I  see 
how  folks  turned  out  for  his  funeral.  Every 
minister  'n'  doctor  in  the  whole  vicinity  was 
there.  The  Lumbs  drove  way  up  from 
Clightville,  got  overturned  in  the  brook 
by  the  old  knife  factory,  but  come  along 
just  the  same.  Old  Mr.  'n'  Mrs.  Trum- 
bull  started  day  before  yesterday  as  soon 
as  they  knowed  he  was  dead  'n'  ate  with 
relations  all  the  way  along  'n'  got  them  to 
come  too  whenever  they  could.  They  was 
seven  buggies  'n'  two  democrats  when  they 
arrived  at  last.  Mrs.  Macy  was  waitin' 
187 


A    VERY  SUPERIOR  MAN 

for  me  in  the  square  when  I  got  there  this 
mornin'  'n'  she  told  me  as  a  city  reporter 
had  come  up  to  write  a  account  of  it  'n' 
as  Dr.  Cogswell  was  goin'  to  be  there. 
They  say  as  a  live  bishop  wanted  to  make 
the  prayer  but  Rufus  was  so  advanced  in 
his  views  it  seemed  better  not  to  come  out 
too  strong  over  his  dead  body.  Mrs. 
Macy  said  it  all  showed  what  a  very  su 
perior  man  he  was.  She  says  as  she  feels 
as  maybe  we  did  n't  appreciate  him  enough. 
She  says  maybe  we  was  prejudiced.  Lord 
knows  it's  very  hard  not  to  be  prejudiced 
agin*  the  folks  you  live  among,  'n'  I  guess 
any  one  as  see  Rufus  mildly  stumblin'  around 
losin'  pocket-handkerchiefs  'd  of  had  a  hard 
time  regardin'  him  as  superior;  but  he  was 
superior,  'n'  Mrs.  Macy  says  he  always 
was  superior,  for  her  aunt,  old  Mrs.  Kitts, 
of  Meadville,  remembers  when  he  was  born, 
'n'  Mrs.  Macy  says  Mrs.  Kitts  always  says 
as  he  was  superior  right  from  the  start. 
1 88 


A    VERY  SUPERIOR  MAN 

She  says  as  Mrs.  Kitts  says  as  Rufus's 
father  was  really  'most  a  nuisance,  talkin' 
about  his  superiority  even  the  very  first 
week  he  was  born.  Mrs.  Macy  says  Mrs. 
Kitts  says  that  his  father  said  right  off  the 
day  he  was  born,  as  to  his  order  o'  thinkin' 
Rufus  was  different  from  other  babies  right 
then  V  there.  He  told  Mrs.  Kitts  hisself 
as  he  knowed  folks  was  often  fools  over 
their  first  babies,  'n'  he  did  n't  calcalate  to 
act  no  such  part,  but  in  common  honesty 
he  must  state  as  Rufus  was  'way  above  the 
ordinary  run,  not  because  he  was  his  baby, 
but  just  because  it  was  the  plain  truth. 
Mrs.  Kitts  said  she  see  Rufus  herself  when 
he  wa'n't  but  three  days  old,  'n'  she  told 
Mrs.  Macy  as  she  must  in  truth  confess 
as  he  looked  then  jus'  about  as  he  always 
looked  —  kind  of  too  awful  wise  to  have 
any  sense  a  tall.  Mrs.  Macy  says  Mrs. 
Kitts  says  the  superior  thing  about  Rufus 
them  first  days  was  the  way  as  his  mother 
189 


A    VERY  SUPERIOR  MAN 

looked  on  him.  Mrs.  Kitts  says  Tabitha 
Timmans  was  a  mos'  remarkable  woman, 
straight  up  her  back  'n'  all  in  'n'  out  in 
front  —  one  o'  them  women  as  is  most  all 
teeth  —  front  teeth,  'n'  Mrs.  Kitts  said 
whenever  she  looked  at  Rufus  she  was  all 
back  teeth  too.  They  had  him  in  a  clothes- 
basket  to  keep  off  draughts,  with  a  quilt 
to  pervent  changes  in  the  weather,  'n'  a 
mosquito-nettin'  for  fear  a  fly  might  thaw 
out  unexpectedly  'n'  get  near  him.  Mrs. 
Kitts  said  Tabitha  Timmans  was  just  about 
wild  over  him ;  she  told  Mrs.  Kitts  she 
felt  it  gallopin'  up  'n'  down  her  spine  as 
how  Rufus  was  surely  goin'  to  grow  up  to 
be  a  inspector  —  or  mebbe  the  president; 
she  said  any  one  could  see  he  was  in  for 
bein'  suthin'  high  up  'n'  sort  o'  quiet  'n' 
important.  Tilda  Ann,  Sammy  Timmans's 
aunt,  was  there  too.  Mrs.  Kitts  says  she 
always  liked  Tilda  Ann,  what  little  she  see 
of  her,  even  if  she  was  nt  patient.  Mrs. 
190 


A    VERY  SUPERIOR  MAN 

Macy  says  Mrs.  Kitts  says  Tilda  Ann  never 
had  no  real  fault,  only  her  never  bein'  able 
to  be  patient.  She  says  if  Tilda  Ann  had 
only  had  a  little  patience  it  'd  of  been  a  great 
deal  better  for  her  in  the  end,  for  if  Tilda 
Ann  'd  had  a  little  more  patience  she  'd  never 
have  come  scurryin'  home  cross-lots  that 
night  in  the  fog  'n'  gone  hickety-pickety 
over  the  well-curb,  thinkin'  it  was  a  stone 
wall.  Mrs.  Kitts  says  she  never  can  help 
considerin'  what  a  shock  Tilda  Ann  must 
have  got  when  she  realized  as  she  was  over, 
V  so  was  everythin'  else." 

"  My  —  "  said  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

£C  But  she  was  alive  then,"  continued 
Susan,  "  'n'  she  was  there  takin'  care  o' 
Tabitha  'n'  watchin'  over  Rufus.  Mrs. 
Kitts  said  it  did  n't  take  much  to  see  as 
Tilda  Ann  had  n't  no  particular  admiration 
for  Rufus ;  she  said  right  then  'n'  there,  as 
to  her  order  o'  thinkin,'  Tabitha  'd  ought  to 
teach  him  to  quit  suckin'  his  thumb  right 
191 


A    VERY  SUPERIOR  MAN 

off, —  she  said  as  it  was  a  most  terrible  job 
when  they  got  bigger.  Mrs.  Kitts  said 
Tabitha  said  as  not  many  babies  was  smart 
enough  to  suck  their  thumbs  at  Rufus's 
age,  'n'  then  Tilda  Ann  said  as  not  many 
mothers  was  fool  enough  to  let  'em.  Mrs. 
Kitts  said  Tilda  Ann  was  never  one  to 
mince  words.  She  always  said  jus'  what 
she  thought,  'n'  that  was  a  very  bad  thing 
for  her  too,  for  afore  she  died  she  'd  said 
jus'  what  she  thought  to  so  many  people 
that  they  had  great  difficulty  gettin'  a  party 
together  to  hunt  for  her  that  day  as  she 
turned  up  missin'  on  a'count  of  bein'  down 
in  the  well. 

"  While  we  was  talkin'  —  Mrs.  Macy 
'n'  me  —  up  Gran'ma  Mullins  come  'n'  it 
turned  out  from  her  as  we  was  all  three 
expected  to  squeeze  over  to  Meadville  on 
Mr.  Jilkins's  back  seat  together.  Mrs. 
Macy  'n'  me  was  far  from  pleased  at  that 
prospeck,  'n'  Gran'ma  Mullins  didn't  look 
192 


A    VERY  SUPERIOR  MAN 

over  rejoiced  herself.  There  is  them  as  can 
wedge,  'n'  them  as  can't,  'n'  we  was  all  three 
the  kind  as  can't.  I  ain't  as  wide  as  Mrs. 
Macy,  nor  yet  the  soft  and  squashy  kind 
like  Gran'ma  Mullins,  but  I  will  say,  Mrs. 
Lathrop,  as  bein'  overflowed  around  for 
sixteen  miles,  is  to  my  order  o'  thinkin' 
full  as  tryin'  as  to  be  overflowin'  aroun' 
somebody  else." 

"I  — "  said  Mrs.  Lathrop,  mildly. 

"  No,  you  would  n't  either,"  said  Susan, 
"  I  know  you  better  'n  you  know  yourself, 
Mrs.  Lathrop,  for  I  know  you  asleep  'n' 
awake,  'n'  you  only  know  yourself  awake ; 
not  as  asleep  Jn*  awake  is  n't  very  much  the 
same  thing  with  you,  Mrs.  Lathrop ;  but 
asleep  or  awake,  the  main  fact  is  as  I 
know  most,  so  you  can  just  keep  still  till 
I  get  done  with  what  I  'm  sayin'." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  kept  still. 

"  Well,  after  it  was  settled  as,  willy-nilly, 
we'd  got  to  back-seat  it  to  Meadville  to- 
13  193 


A    VERY  SUPERIOR  MAN 

gether,  Gran'ma  Mullins  begin  about  what 
a  very  superior  man  Rufus  was  'n'  what  a 
very  superior  boy  he  used  to  be.  Mrs. 
Macy  did  n't  say  nothin',  'cause  it  was  easy 
to  see  as  she  'd  really  took  it  a  good  deal  to 
heart  bein'  thirded  for  sixteen  miles ;  but 
Gran'ma  Mullins  went  right  on  with  when 
she  lived  in  Meadville  'n'  taught  school 
that  winter  she  was  seventeen.  She  said  as 
Rufus  was  in  her  middle  class  that  winter 
'n'  mos  superior.  He  was  nine  'n'  the 
oldest  o'  nine,  there  bein'  two  pairs  o'  twins ; 
she  said  it  looked  like  Tabitha'n'  Sammy  had 
took  the  Bible  about  replenishin'  the  earth 
right  on  to  their  own  shoulders.  Gran'ma 
Mullins  said  it  was  suthin'  to  make  any  one 
content  to  teach  school  forever,  only  to  look 
at  'em ;  she  said  she  should  always  think  it 
was  that  as  made  all  the  men  in  Meadville 
so  ready  to  go  to  the  war  'n'  the  women  so 
calm  over  their  gettin'  killed ;  she  said  no 
one  wanted  to  get  married  there,  anyhow." 
194 


A    VERY  SUPERIOR  MAN 

"But  she  —  "  interposed  Mrs.  Lathrop, 
quickly. 

"  Well,  but  she  knew  he  had  a  bullet  in 
him  'n'  the  Roman  fever  'n'  a  pension," 
said  Susan, "  she  knowed  she  was  pretty  safe 
—  I  would  n't  blame  her  under  them  cir 
cumstances.  But  that 's  neither  here  nor 
anywhere  else,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  'n'  what  with 
your  interruptin'  Lord  knows  when  we  will 
get  around  to  Rufus,  for  I  keep  forgettin* 
he  's  dead  'n'  rememberin'  him  alive,  'n'  no 
one  as  remembers  Rufus  Timmans  alive 
could  ever  tell  anything  about  him,  'n'  you 
know  that  as  well  as  I  do.  Gran'ma  Mul- 
lins  said  herself  to-day  as  he  was  a  great 
problem  to  her  in  school,  'n'  she  used  to 
study  him  out  of  all  comparison  to  the  other 
children.  Every  one  admitted  as  he  was 
superior,  'n'  yet  no  one  knowed  jus'  why. 
She  says  he  really  was  superior  in  lots  o' 
ways,  'n'  he  whittled  her  a  open-work  ink 
stand  once  for  a  Christmas  as  she  's  used  for 
195 


A    VERY  SUPERIOR  MAN 

toothpicks  ever  since,  but  she  says  the  in 
side  o'  his  ideas  was  surely  most  amazin'. 
She  says  she  had  him  for  two  years,  'n'  all 
she  could  say  was  as  in  all  them  two  years 
she  was  mostly  struck  dumb  by  him.  She 
says  she  used  to  go  up  'n'  talk  to  Tabitha, 
'n'  Tilda  Ann  used  to  come  down  'n'  talk 
with  her,  but  nothin'  ever  seemed  to  come  of 
it.  Tilda  Ann  declared  up  'n'  down  as  he 
was  a  fool  through  'n'  through,  'n'  poor 
Tabitha  was  awful  nervous  for  fear  he'd  in 
vent  somethin'  in  bed  some  night  as  would 
surely  blow  the  house  up.  Seems  he  was 
so  ahead  at  ten  years  old  that  he  wanted 
to  study  to  be  a  chemist,  'n'  so  behind  that 
he  spelt  it  f  kemst,'  'n'  him  all  of  ten  years 
old. 

"  Gran'ma  Mullins  said  she  used  to  be 
clean  beside  herself;  he  was  the  show-boy 
whenever  the  board  came,  'n'  never  got  his 
lessons  between  times.  She  says  she  always 
knowed  he  'd  turn  out  some  wayy  but  Tilda 
196 


A    VERY  SUPERIOR  MAN 

Ann  never  had  no  opinion  of  him  a  tall. 
Not  as  Tilda  Ann's  opinion  mattered  much, 
'cause  she  climbed  into  the  well  just  about 
then,  'n'  Rufus  looked  out  a  verse  for  her 
tombstone  in  the  Bible.  It  was  a  very  good 
motto  for  her  too,  —  it  was,  '  Well  done, 
thou  good  'n'  faithful  servant ' ;  it  made  a 
lot  o'  talk,  'cause  she  really  never  was  paid 
nothin',  but  the  sentiment  about  the  well 
was  very  pretty,  'n'  every  one  thought  Tilda 
Ann  herself  would  have  liked  it  if  she  'd 
stayed  up  'n'  so  had  any  say  in  the  matter. 

"  Gran'ma  Mullins  went  on  to  say  as  she 
got  married  soon  after,  so  she  run  out  of  talk, 
an'  Mrs.  Macy  'n'  me  was  so  tired  listenin'  to 
her  anyway  that  we  was  all  more  'n'  content 
jus'  to  stand  aroun'  'n'  wait  till  the  Jilkinses 
come  drivin'  up.  Then  we  all  had  to  up  'n' 
in  somehow,  'n'  I  will  say,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  as 
wedgin'  Mrs.  Macy  an'  Gran'ma  Mullins  was 
certainly  a  sight  to  see.  They  was  for  put- 
tin'  me  in  the  middle,  but  I  was  flat  for  a 
197 


A    VERY  SUPERIOR  MAN 

outside  so 's  I  could  breathe,  'n'  in  the  end 
Mrs.  Jilkins  set  between  me  'n'  Gran'ma 
Mullins,  'n'  Mrs.  Macy  set  with  Mr.  Jilkins 
—  what  of  her  did  n't  hang  over  outside." 

"What  did  —  "  began  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  There  was  n't  no  other  way  to  get  'em 
both  there — that's  why,"  said  Susan;  "there 
was  them  as  went  on  the  cars,  but  that  was  n't 
no  great  success,  for  they  was  so  late  that 
Rufus  had  his  lid  all  on  afore  they  got  there, 
so  they  really  had  very  little  for  their  money. 
'N'  besides,  if  we  'd  all  gone  on  the  cars,  how 
was  we  to  get  to  the  grave  ?  Rufus  was  well 
this  side  o'  Meadville,  'n'  the  cemetery  's 
some  further  this  way,  'n'  whatever  your 
views  may  be  I  hope  you  don't  mind  my 
sayin*  right  out  as  other  folks'  views  is 
always  more  sensible.  You  can't  be  expected 
to  know  much,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  with  your 
few  church  privileges  'n'  your  parlor  too 
small  for  the  sewin'  society  ;  but  if  you  was 
less  inclined  to  talk  'n'  more  inclined  to 
198 


A    VERY  SUPERIOR  MAN 

listen  to  me  I  may  in  confidence  remark  as 
you  might  learn  about  the  funeral  —  even 
if  you  never  learned  nothin'  else  in  this 
world." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  was  again  silent  forthwith. 

"  Drivin'  over  we  all  talked  about  Rufus. 
We  had  really  a  very  pleasant  ride,  for  we 
was  all  disposed  to  view  him  kindly  goin' 
over.  Mrs.  Macy  told  over  again  what  a 
superior  baby  he  was,  'n'  Gran'ma  Mullins 
told  over  again  what  a  superior  boy  he  was, 
'n'  Mrs.  Macy  said  as  Mrs.  Kitts  said  as 
he  was  the  talk  o'  the  town  when  he  was 
twenty-one.  Gran'ma  Mullins  did  n't  re 
member  much  about  him  then,  'cause  she 
got  married  along  about  that  time,  'n'  she  's 
always  said  that  them  who  gets  married 
don't  need  nothin'  else  to  do  for  one  while ; 
but  Mrs.  Macy  said  Rufus  was  one  o'  the 
most  superior  young  men  as  Mrs.  Kitts  ever 
see.  She  said  as  old  Mr.  Tilley  took  him 
right  into  the  heart  'n'  soul  o'  his  drug-store 
199 


A    VERY  SUPERIOR  MAN 

jus'  because  his  mother  was  his  cousin,  'n 
even  then  the  general  feelin'  was  as  he  was 
way  above  the  business.  Mrs.  Macy  said 
as  Mrs.  Kitts  said  she  'd  never  forget  goin'  in 
one  day  for  some  salts  'n'  rinding  Rufus  all 
alone.  Why,  she  said  she  never  had  known 
he  was  so  head  'n'  shoulders  above  other  peo 
ple  !  She  says  she  's  told  the  story  a  million 
times  'n'  it's  still  fresh  in  her  mind.  She 
said  she  asked  for  simple  salts,  'n'  he  begun 
right  off  about  a  comet.  She  felt  awful  un 
comfortable  to  have  to  say  as  she  had  n't 
seen  no  comet,  'n'  then  it  turned  out  no 
wonder,  'cause  you  could  only  see  it  from 
China  an'  Maddygasgar.  She  said  she  was 
awful  interested,  'n'  he  was  too,  'n'  in  the 
end  he  was  so  interested  that  he  found  he 
had  n't  poured  out  o'  the  salts  bottle  a  tall. 
It  was  only  just  a  chance  as  he  remembered 
as  it  was  salts  she  wanted,  'n'  she  said  he 
was  so  nice  about  it,  went  under  the  counter 
to  find  a  cork  to  fit,  'n'  told  her  all  about 
200 


A    VERY  SUPERIOR  MAN 

how  they  get  gumarabic  while  he  was  under 
there,  'n'  she  was  so  deep  in  the  subjeck  that 
she  never  noticed,  'n'  he  stuck  a  poison 
label  on,  'n'  they  both  laughed  over  that  fit 
to  kill  themselves.  My  goodness,  Mrs. 
Macy  said,  but  Mrs.  Kitts  said  as  he  was  a 
taking  young  man.  In  the  end  he  wrote 
the  name  in  Latin  across  the  skull  'n'  cross- 
bones,  'n'  she  only  had  to  always  remember 
as  c  Sally  Simplex  '  meant  f  simple  salts  ' 
from  then  on. 

"  She  went  on  to  say  as  the  biggest  thing 
Rufus  ever  done  long  about  then  was  to 
down  their  minister  in  a  open  conversation 
one  night  callin'  at  Deacon  Grummers. 
She  told  all  about  it,  'n'  seems  as  there  was 
some  talk  afterwards  about  gettin'  up  a 
subscription  to  send  him  to  college,  only 
it  never  come  to  nothin'  'cause  no  one 
wanted  to  subscribe.  Seems  the  minister 
was  Luther  Law,  him  as  moved  to  Chicago 
afterwards  'n'  got  burnt  up  or  out  —  I  for- 
201 


A    VERY  SUPERIOR  MAN 

get  which  —  in  the  fire.  Seems  he  was  to 
Deacon  Grummel's  one  night,  'n'  him  'n' 
Rufus  got  to  discussin'  what  we  all  come 
from.  Mrs.  Macy  says  Mrs.  Grummel 
said  she  never  hear  the  like.  She  'n'  her 
husband  was  jus'  all  of  a  tremble.  She 
said  afterwards  that  if  it  'd  of  been  any 
other  minister  than  Luther  Law,  Rufus 
would  have  had  him  sure.  She  said  it  was 
just  like  a  lecture  hall  to  hear,  upon  her 
honor.  The  minister  begun  by  startin' 
out  for  our  all  comin'  from  Adam  'n'  Eve, 
but  Rufus  come  out  flat  for  our  bein'  from 
monkeys.  Well,  Mrs.  Grummel  said  she 
'n'  her  husband  could  n't  do  no  more  than 
feel  their  hearts  beat  at  that.  Rufus  jus' 
argued  'n'  kep'  on  arguin'  till  he  made 
the  minister  admit  as  there  was  n't  nothin9 
absolute  agin'  monkeys,  'n'  then  —  if  that 
young  man  did  n't  go  him  one  better  'n' 
say  as  he  believed  in  tadpoles  himself. 
Luther  Law  was  flat  agin'  tadpoles,  but 
202 


A    VERY  SUPERIOR  MAN 

Rufus  never  let  up  till  he  got  him  to  admit 
that  if  the  Lord  could  make  a  man  out  of 
a  monkey  He  could  make  him  out  of  a 
tadpole,  too.  'N'  then,  when  he'd  got  him 
so  far,  what  do  you  think,  Mrs.  Lathrop, 
—  what  do  you  think!  —  Mrs.  Macy  said 
as  Mrs.  Kitts  said  as  Mrs.  Grummel  said 
if  that  young  man  did  n't  look  right  square 
into  Luther's  face  'n'  say  as  to  his  order 
o'  thinkin'  it  wasn't  what  we'd  come  from 
as  mattered  so  much  as  what  we  'd  develop 
into  next.  ' That's  what  I  want  to  know,' 
he  said  to  Luther  Law,  runnin'  his  hand 
into  himself  in  that  way  as  was  so  fashion 
able  along  'bout  then,  *  that 's  what  /  want 
to  know,  'n'  I  can't  find  no  one  as  has  a 
addykit  answer  for  me.' 

"Well,  Mrs.  Macy  said  Mrs.  Kitts  said 
as  up  to  her  deathbed  day  Mrs.  Grummel 
always  said  as  that  was  the  minute  o'  her 
life.  She  said  facin'  cannon  would  n't  be 
nothin'  to  the  way  she  'n'  the  deacon  felt 
203 


A    VERY  SUPERIOR  MAN 

over  seein'  the  minister  asked  a  thing  like 
that  right  on  top  o'  their  own  tea!  But, 
lor,  you  never  could  stick  Luther  Law.  A 
minister  wouldn't  be  able  to  be  able  to  be 
a  minister  if  little  things  like  questions  you 
can't  answer  could  run  him  aground.  He 
jus'  waited  a  minute  'n'  then  he  looked  slow 
'n'  sad,  an'  lifted  up  his  hand  so,  'n'  pointed 
so,  an*  said,  '  Young  man,  how  can  you  ask 
such  a  question,  with  the  starry  heaven  right 
on  top  of  your  head?' 

"Well!  Mrs.  Grummel  said  it  was  like  a 
flash  o'  thunder  splittin'  clean  through  the  air. 
She  said  her  husband  never  quit  saying  to  his 
dying  day  as  that  was  the  smartest  thing  as 
Luther  Law  ever  said,  considerin*  how  little 
time  he  had  to  think,  'n'  it  was  the  only 
thing  in  the  wide  world  as  he  could  of  said, 
too.  She  said  she  told  that  story  all  over 
town,  'n'  no  one  could  ever  decide  which  was 
the  smartest,  Rufus  or  Luther  Law;  'cause 
even  if  Luther  Law  did  find  a  way  out,  it 
204 


A    VERY  SUPERIOR  MAN 

was  such  a  astonishin'  thing  as  he  did  that 
Rufus  got  a  sight  o'  credit  out  of  comin'  as 
nigh  to  stickin'  him  as  he  did.  A  good 
many  people  begun  to  say  then  as  he  was 
too  superior  for  a  small  town;  —  old  Dr. 
Lumb  said  as  to  his  order  o'  thinkin'  he'd 
ought  to  move  near  to  some  place  where 
he  'd  have  professors  to  talk  to. 

"  Mrs.  Macy  said  Mrs.  Kitts  give  her  "to 
understand,  though,  as  there  was  a  'nother 
side  to  Rufus  even  then,  V  it  begun  to  crop 
out  mighty  young,  too.  Mrs.  Kitts  said 
she  would  n't  mention  it  only  in  confidence, 
but  Mr.  Tilley,  of  the  drug-store  where 
Rufus  was,  told  her  as  he'd  be  only  too 
glad  to  see  Rufus  move  anywhere,  whether 
it  had  professors  to  talk  to  or  not.  Mr. 
Tilley  said  his  ideas  was  far  too  advanced  for 
a  small  town.  Mr.  Tilley  said  he  could  n't 
find  the  easiest  things  after  Rufus  had  got 
'em  labelled  in  Latin,  'n'  he  said  it  was  n't 
practical  to  classify  no  drug-store  without  a 
205 


A    VERY  SUPERIOR  MAN 

rollin'  step-ladder  anyhow.  Then  there  came 
up  the  Kelly  cat,  'n'  on  account  o*  the 
Kellys  havin'  money  the  Kelly  cat  come 
nigh  to  endin'  Rufus.  I  never  hear  about 
the  Kelly  cat  afore,  but  seems  as  the  Kelly 
cat  was  ailin'  'n'  the  Kellys  took  it  to  Rufus 
for  catnip,  'n'  Rufus  got  to  discoursin'  with 
Bessy  on  how  if  you  're  born  under  Venus 
with  Mars  gettin'  up  you  're  bound  to  marry 
whoever  you  love,  'n'  he  clean  forgot  what 
ailed  the  cat  'n'  tried  to  give  her  ipecac  as 
if  she  was  croupy  instead  o'  bein'  droopy. 
The  cat  knowed  ipecac  even  if  Rufus  did  n't, 
'n'  she  bounced  out  from  between  him  'n' 
Bessy  'n'  bounced  into  the  winder  'n'  busted 
the  big  bottle  full  o'  green.  Rufus  said  it 
was  a  fit,  'n'  he  got  a  hair-oil  bottle  as  gives 
you  a  nickel  nose  of  your  own  for  nothin', 
'n'  he  put  the  nose  on  the  ipecac  'n'  got 
the  whole  down  the  cat  so  far  that  she 
come  nigh  to  swallowin'  the  nose.  Mrs. 
Macy  said  Mrs.  Kelly  never  felt  to  forgive 
206 


A    VERY  SUPERIOR  MAN 

Rufus,  'n'  it  set  her  deader  'n'  ever  agin* 
him,  but,  lor,  Bessy  was  too  head  over  heels 
in  love  to  care  about  cats  or  ipecac.  She 
was  as  sure  Rufus  was  superior  as  any  one 
could  be,  'n'  every  one  knowed  what  was 
up  as  well  as  she  'n'  Rufus  did.  Mrs.  Macy 
said  as  every  one  said  as  a  superior  young 
man  must  marry  money  or  he  could  n't 
in  reason  stay  superior  long,  'n'  Rufus  was 
dead  set  on  stayin'  superior,  so  they  was 
married  the  next  spring  'n'  moved  to  the 
city,  'n'  they  did  n't  come  back  till  it  was 
plain  as  Mr.  Kelly  'd  have  to  support  'em 
or  let  Bessy  starve  on  Rufus's  superiority." 

Susan  paused  abruptly  and  sighed.  Mrs. 
Lathrop  said  never  a  word.  Presently  the 
discourse  flowed  on  again. 

"  Well,  there  was  n't  really  no  wish  to 
say  nothin'  but  good  of  Rufus,  but  it  is  a 
long  drive  to  Meadville  an'  we  had  to  talk, 
'n'  you  know  as  well  as  I  do,  Mrs.  Lathrop, 
as  it's  nigh  to  impossible  to  talk  long  of 
207 


A    VERY  SUPERIOR  MAN 

people  if  you're  only  to  say  good  of  'em. 
Rufus  was  there  'n'  dead  to  talk  about,  'n' 
while  we  naturally  wished  him  well,  still 
we  was  pretty  tired  before  we  got  through 
drivin'  sixteen  miles  to  bury  him.  Gran'ma 
Mullins  said  finally  as  he  was  certainly  a 
very  superior  man,  but  she  knowed  from  her 
niece  Hannah  as  he  was  trying  to  live  with. 
She  said  Hannah  lived  with  'em  for  five 
years  'n'  looked  after  the  children,  'n'  cheered 
Bessy  up  when  she  was  nigh  to  wore  out 
with  bein'  married  to  Rufus.  Hannah  never 
had  no  use  for  Rufus  Timmans  herself, — 
she  was  awful  fond  o'  Bessy  'n'  the  boys, 
but  she  drawed  the  line  at  Rufus,  'n' 
Gran'ma  Mullins  says  she  never  minced 
matters  neither.  Gran'ma  Mullins  says  as 
Hannah  used  to  walk  right  in  on  Rufus 
'n'  let  fly  whenever  she  felt  as  the  salvation 
of  her  soul  called  on  her  to  speak  or  bu'st. 
She  said  Hannah  said  what  she  could  n't 
stand  was  the  way  the  general  public  seemed 
208 


A    VERY  SUPERIOR  MAN 

to  coincide  with  Rufus's  opinion  of  himself. 
Hannah  used  to  say  as  the  general  run  o* 
folks  did  n't  have  to  live  with  Rufus  Tim- 
mans  an'  she  did,  'n'  she  furthermore  used 
to  say  if  the  general  run  o'  folks  had  had 
to  live  with  Rufus  Timmans  they  would  n't 
o'  viewed  him  from  no  fancy  standpoint  no 
more  'n'  she  did  herself.  Hannah  used  to 
say  as  day  in  'n'  day  out  was  a  terrible  lettin' 
in  o'  light  on  dark  spots,  'n'  for  her  part  she 
had  n't  got  no  use  for  a  man  as  had  the 
whole  o'  the  inside  o'  the  earth  by  heart 
'n'  was  n't  one  earthly  bit  o'  good  on  the 
outside  of  it.  Hannah  said  as  all  she  could 
say  was  as  she  wisht  as  some  o'  them  as 
admired  his  superior  understandin'  could 
just  be  in  her  place  one  while.  Gran'ma 
Mullins  said  as  there  was  one  time  as 
Hannah  never  got  over,  'n'  that  was  the 
cistern,  she  said  as  Hannah  always  got 
mad  whenever  she  told  it,  'n'  she  told 
it  so  often,  her  face  stayed  always  red  in 
X4  209 


A    VERY  SUPERIOR  MAN 

the  end,  jus'  from  tellin'  that  story  so 
often. 

"  Seems  as  Rufus  thought  mebbe  there 
was  a  dead  rat  in  the  cistern,  so  he  had  the 
cistern  cleaned  out,  V  the  drouth  came  on, 
'n'  Monday  come  on  top  o'  the  drouth,  'n' 
Hannah  pumped  her  arms  most  off  afore 
she  realized  as  there  wa'n't  no  water  a  /«//,  'n' 
then  she  was  that  mad  as  she  walked  right 
in  on  Rufus  'n'  give  it  to  him. 

"  Gran'ma  Mullins  said  Hannah  said  it 
made  her  mad  only  to  look  at  him  ;  he  was 
sittin'  in  the  little  shady  parlor,  jus*  softly 
rockin'  back  'n'  forth,  readin'  a  book  as  told 
why  the  Dead  Sea's  dead.  Well,  Hannah 
said  no  words  could  tell  how  much  madder 
she  got  when  she  got  right  in  front  o'  him  — 
to  see  a  able-bodied  man  rockin'  'n'  readin' 
Dead  Seas  on  top  of  a  empty  cistern. 
Hannah  was  never  one  to  keep  her  own 
counsel  in  the  face  of  her  own  feelin's,  you 
know,  'n'  she  jus'  went  right  up  in  front  of 
210 


A    VERY  SUPERIOR  MAN 

Rufus  V  said  as  calm  as  she  could,  c  Mr. 
Timmans,  where 's  the  water  for  the  wash 
to  come  from  ? '  Gran'ma  Mullins  said 
Hannah  always  said  as  she  tried  to  stay 
calm  but  she  give  out  young,  'n'  the  sight  o' 
Rufus  liftin'  his  superior  eyes  jus'  did  for 
her.  She  put  her  two  hands  on  her  two 
hips,  an'  let  out  right  then  'n*  there,  c  Mr. 
Timmans,'  she  says,  f  you  was  so  sure  't 
there  was  a  rat  drowned  in  the  cistern,'  she 
says,  'that  nothin'  mus'  do  but  you  mus' 
clean  it  out,'  she  says ;  *  'n'  there  wa'n't  no 
rat,'  she  says,  f  'n'  it  ain't  rained  since,'  she 
says,  c  'n'  how  're  we  to  wash  ? '  she  says,  — 
'n'  then  she  waited  to  see  what  he  would  say, 
'n'  she  said  a  lamb  would  o'  begun  to  hop 
about  'n'  yowl  with  mad  to  see  how  kind  of 
calm  'n'  dazed  like  'n'  altogether  peaceful  'n' 
happy  he  looked  up  at  her.  'N'  he  says, 
quite  placid  'n'  contented,  '  Can't  you  get 
some  water  out  o*  the  pond  ? '  he  says. 
f  Out  o'  the  pond ! '  says  Hannah,  high- 
211 


A    VERY  SUPERIOR  MAN 

keyed  like,  —  Gran'ma  Mullins  says  Han 
nah  always  went  high-keyed  easy,  — {  out  o' 
that  muddy,  swampy,  slimy,  marshy,  cow- 
churned  pond,'  says  Hannah,  f  out  o'  that 
nasty,  dirty,  filthy,  green  pond,'  says  Han 
nah,  gettin'  high-keyeder  'n'  high-keyeder. 
'  I  can  get  it  clean  for  you,'  says  Rufus,  a- 
openin'  the  Dead  Sea  'n'  runnin'  his  eyes 
aroun'  for  his  place,  —  'jus'  say  when  you 
want  it,'  he  says.  Well,  Gran'ma  Mullins 
said  Hannah  always  said  as  she  never 
knowed  what  kept  her  off  him  at  that  min 
ute,  for  she  was  that  mad  she  felt  like  the 
righteous  judgment  o'  the  Lord  was  in  the 
ends  of  her  very  finger-nails.  f  Nowy'  she 
says,  c  right  now,'  she  says  ;  t  that 's  when  I 
want  it,'  she  says.  Rufus  looked  up  'n'  see 
she  was  in  earnest,  'n'  she  says  the  way  he 
sighed  like  he  was  a  martyr  as  led  the  band 
was  enough  to  have  ended  her  patience  once 
'n'  for  all  time  if  it  had  n't  been  for  the  wash, 
'n'  then  he  carefully  turned  a  leaf  down  in 
212 


A    VERY  SUPERIOR  MAN 

the  Dead  Sea  'n'  got  out  o'  the  rocker  'n' 
went  V  got  Nathan  Lumb  'n'  they  went  off 
together. 

"  Well,  Gran'ma  Mullins  said  Hannah 
begun  to  wait,  'n'  Hannah  waited  until  if 
Hannah  had  waited  any  longer  she'd  have 
gone  off  like  a  rocket,  she  was  that  mad 
again.  Gran'ma  Mullins  said  Hannah  al 
ways  got  so  red  she  got  purple  if  she  only 
was  rememberin'  it  after.  'N'  in  the  end 
she  could  n't  stand  it  no  longer  'n'  she  set 
off  for  the  pond  herself.  She  always  said  as 
she  just  hoped  'n'  prayed  as  they  was  both 
on  'em  drowned  all  the  way  there,  but  the 
Lord  in  his  mercy  was  n't  seein'  fit  to  deal 
out  no  such  luck,  'n'  she  found  the  pond 
there  an'  Rufus  'n'  Nathan  gone. 

"  'N'  what  do  you  suppose  she  see,  Mrs. 
Lathrop ;  what  do  you  suppose  she  see  ? 
You  never  heard  the  like,  'n'  the  whole 
wagon  of  us  could  n't  but  feel  as  it  was 
maybe  just  as  well  as  we  was  on  our  way  to 
213 


A    VERY  SUPERIOR  MAN 

Rufus's  funeral,  for  we  never  could  have 
faced  him  in  real  life  after  hearin'  such  a  tale. 

"  Seems  there  was  the  pond  V  there  was 
the  edge  o'  the  pond,  'n'  there  was  two 
barrels  as  Rufus  'n'  Nathan  had  set  close  to 
the  edge.  One  o'  the  barrels  was  empty  'n' 
one  was  full  o'  dirty  swamp-water,  'n'  Rufus's 
superior  mind  had  hung  a  old  piece  o'  car 
pet  from  one  barrel  over  into  the  other  so  it 
could  suck  up  dirty  water  'n'  drip  off  clean, 
'n'  mebbe  if  the  sun  did  n't  shine  too  hard 
Hannah  'd  have  a  pail  o'  clean  water  come 
Hallowe'en.  'N'  the  wash  waitin' ! 

"  Mr.  Jilkins  said  as  that  was  jus'  what 
might  o'  been  expected  o'  Rufus.  He'd 
like  to  observe  the  theery  'n'  he  would  n't 
care  about  the  wash.  Gran'ma  Mullins 
said  it  did  the  business  for  Hannah,  though. 
She  never  could  make  up  her  mind  to  take 
Dr.  Lumb  before  on  a'count  o'  his  swearin' 
so,  but  she  made  up  her  mind  as  anythin' 
as  'd  rid  her  o'  Rufus  'n'  give  her  a  chance 
214 


A    VERY  SUPERIOR  MAN 

to  boss  Nathan  'd  fill  her  bill  after  that,  'n' 
she  went  up  that  very  night  'n'  told  Dr. 
Lumb,  as  if  he  still  wanted  her,  she  was 
prepared  to  be  took.  He  wanted  her  'n' 
he  took  her,  'n'  she  was  to  the  funeral  to 
day  with  Nathan  'n'  his  two  boys,  all  of 
'em  brushed  so  slick  you  could  see  with 
half  a  eye  as  Hannah  had  got  a  deal  o' 
satisfaction  out  o'  them  all  these  years 
since. 

"  She  come  over  to  sit  beside  Gran'ma 
Mullins  'n'  talked  a  little  while.  She  said 
Bessy  Timmans  was  bearin'  Rufus's  loss  mos' 
bravely,  'n'  her  daughter  Betty  was  come 
home  'n'  brought  the  baby  to  comfort  her. 
Hannah  said  as  Betty  was  a  very  sweet 
young  woman.  She  said  she  never  forgot 
the  day  when  she  was  only  four  years  old, 
'n'  asked  right  out  why  the  family  had  to 
be  so  proud  o'  Rufus.  Hannah  said  her 
mother  shut  her  up  quick,  but  it  was  plain 
to  be  seen  as  that  child  had  eyes  for  them 
215 


A    VERY  SUPERIOR  MAN 

as  could  hear,  V  was  pretty  quick  at  sizin* 
up  Rufus. 

"  It  was  a  awful  big  funeral.  Folks  was 
there  from  all  over.  I  drove  out  to  the 
graveyard  with  old  Dr.  Lumb  V  Dr. 
Cogswell  from  the  city.  The  other  one  was 
Susy  Carter,  'n'  she 's  so  deaf  all  I  could  do 
was  to  listen  to  the  front  seat.  Dr.  Cogs 
well  said  as  it  was  a  great  pity  that  a 
superior  man  like  Rufus  Timmans  should 
have  had  to  live  his  life  out  on  highways 
'n'  edges  by  circumstances  probably  beyond 
his  control.  Dr.  Lumb  said  yes,  a  small 
community  like  Meadville  couldn't  never 
offer  nothin'  like  a  addykit  scope  to  a  brain 
like  Rufus's.  He  said  he  was  surprised  as 
Rufus's  brain  had  managed  to  scratch  along 
as  well  as  it  had  under  the  circumstances. 
He  said,  with  the  exception  of  himself 
Rufus  had  never  had  no  one  to  really  talk 
to.  He  said,  to  be  frank,  he  would  in  con 
fidence  remark  to  Dr.  Cogswell  as  Bessy 
216 


A    VERY  SUPERIOR  MAN 

Timmans  was  a  very  inferior  person  an'  no 
ways  up  to  Rufus.  He  said  as  he  should  n't 
be  personally  surprised  to  know  as  her 
feelin's  towards  Rufus  partook  more  of  a 
element  of  impatience  than  of  admiration. 
He  said  as  one  night  when  he  was  there 
he  was  most  dumbfounded  to  see  how  little 
attention  she  paid  with  Rufus  discoursin* 
on  trilobites  'n'  their  relations  to  the  cursory 
strata.  Dr.  Cogswell  sighed  'n'  said  he  was 
afraid  he  'd  have  to  admit  as  he  feared  that 
was  mebbe  only  too  likely  to  be  true.  He 
said  he  felt  a  sadness  because  every  trilobite 
as  was  related  by  Rufus  was  of  profound  value 
to  any  scientific  student.  He  said  Rufus 
was  one  at  whose  feet  them  as  is  learned 
could  easy  sit  and  learn  some  more.  He 
said  Rufus  ought  to  o'  gotten  out  in  the  world 
thirty  years  ago, —  but  then  he  sighed  again, 
'n'  said  probably  circumstances  as  no  one 
knowed  nothing  of  probably  chained  him  here. 
It  was  easy  to  see  as  Dr.  Lumb  had  a  awful 
217 


A    VERY  SUPERIOR  MAN 

high  opinion  o'  Rufus,  but  that  'd  be  only 
natural,  him  bein*  married  to  Hannah  as  was 
so  dead  set  agin'  him,  'n'  he  shook  his  head 
then  'n'  said  as  he  believed  as  Dr.  Cogswell 
had  guessed  pretty  nigh  to  the  truth.  He 
said  he  knowed  as  Bessy  was  born  in  Mead- 
ville,  'n'  as  her  property  was  there  'n'  he  said 
his  own  opinion  was  that  with  the  short 
sightedness  common  to  her  sex  she  had 
chained  the  eagle  so  as  she  might  stay 
among  her  little  circle  o'  petty  friendships, 
'n'  so  the  noble  bird  had  worn  his  soul 
away  in  captivity,  so  to  speak. 

"  Dr.  Cogswell  said  '  Ah  ! '  'n'  then  they 
both  shook  their  heads  together  'n'  sighed 
together. 

"  Hannah  did  n't  go  out  to  the  grave. 
She  stayed  with  Bessy.  She  took  me  into 
the  pantry  afore  we  left  'n'  said  as  the  spirit 
o'  relief  hoverin'  in  the  house  was  beyond  all 
belief.  She  said  Betty  was  goin'  to  take 
her  mother  home  with  her  when  she  went. 
218 


A    VERY  SUPERIOR  MAN 

She  said  Betty  said  as  she  could  come  back 
to  Meadville  whenever  she  liked,  but  she 
said  as  Bessy  said  she'd  never  want  to  come 
back.  Hannah  says  Bessy  told  her  as 
all  she  asked  was  to  live  out  her  days 
some  place  where  she'd  never  have  to 
hear  again  what  a  very  superior  man  Rufus 
was. 

"  I  stood  aroun'  an'  talked  with  a  lot 
more  folks.  The  general  feelin'  was  as  it 
was  a  great  honor  to  be  buryin'  Rufus,  but 
nobody  knowed  just  why.  I  thought  about 
it  comin'  home  a-jouncin*  along  over  them 
walnuts.  (My,  but  they  was  hard!)  The 
truth  seems  to  be  as  there 's  some  folks  born 
to  be  superior  'n'  to  know  as  they  're  su 
perior,  'n'  other  folks  born  to  admire  'em, 
'n'  neither  set  sees  jus'  why." 

"I  —  "  said  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  Well,  as  long  as  you  say  so  I  may  as 
well  admit  as  I  was  thinkin'  that  very  thing 
myself,"  said  Susan ;  "  but  far  be  it  from  me 
219 


A    VERY  SUPERIOR  MAN 

to  have  said  such  a  thing  myself  of  myself, 
Mrs.  Lathrop  —  but  as  long  as  you  say  it  I 
can't  but  remark  as  no  one  in  their  senses 
could  deny  its  bein'  true  o'  me." 

"I  —  "  said  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  Oh,  that's  your  misfortune,"  said  Miss 
Clegg,  graciously ;  "  there  ain't  no  need 
of  apologizin'  to  a  old  friend  like  me.  'N' 
anyway,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  I  guess  nobody 
could  n't  tell  me  nothin'  about  your  infe 
riorities  —  not  after  livin'  next  to  you  all 
the  years  as  I  have ;  but  you  know  me,  'n' 
you  know  as  nothin'  ever  changes  my  feelin's 
towards  a  friend  —  not  even  towards  such 
a  friend  as  you,  Mrs.  Lathrop." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  was  silent. 


220 


A  New  Story  by  the  Creator  of  "Susan  Clegg" 


THE  REJUVENATION 
OF  AUNT  MARY 


By  ANNE  WARNER 

Author  of  "  Susan  Clegg  and  Her  Friend  Mrs.  LathropJ 

"A  Woman's  Will ,"  etc. 
Illustrated.     12mo.     Cloth.    $1.50 


Always  amusing  and  ends  in  a  burst  of  sunshine. — Phil 
adelphia  Ledger. 

Impossible  to  read  without  laughing.  A  sparkling, 
hilarious  tale.  —  Chicago  Record-Herald. 

The  love  story  is  as  wholesome  and  satisfactory  as  the 
fun.  In  its  class  this  book  must  be  accorded  the  first 
place. — Baltimore  Sun. 

The  humor  is  simply  delicious.  —  Albany  Times-Union. 

Every  one  that  remembers  Susan  Clegg  will  wish  also  to 
make  the  acquaintance  of  Aunt  Mary.  Her  "imperious 
will  and  impervious  eardrums  "  furnish  matter  for  uproar 
ious  merriment.  ...  A  book  to  drive  away  the  blues 
and  make  one  well  content  with  the  worst  weather. — 
Pittsburg  Gazette. 

Cheerful,  crisp,  and  bright.  The  comedy  is  sweetened 
by  a  satisfying  love  tale.  —  Boston  Herald. 


LITTLE,   BROWN,   &   CO.,    PUBLISHERS 
254  WASHINGTON  STREET,  BOSTOK 


A  Masterpiece  of  Native  Humor 


SUSAN  CLEGG  AND  HER 
FRIEND  MRS.  LATHROP 


By  ANNE  WARNER 
Author  of  "  A  Woman's  Will,"  etc. 

With  Frontispiece.     227  pages.     12mo.     $1.00. 

IT  is  seldom  a  book  so  full  of  delightful  humor  comes 
before  the  reader.    Anne  Warner  takes  her  place  in  the 
circle  of  American  woman  humorists,  who  have  achieved 
distinction  so  rapidly  within  recent  years. — Brooklyn  Eagle. 

Nothing  better  in  the  new  homely  philosophy  style  of 
fiction  has  been  written. — San  Francisco  Bulletin. 

Anne  Warner  has  given  us  the  rare  delight  of  a  book 
that  is  extremely  funny.  Hearty  laughter  is  in  store  for 
every  reader. — Philadelphia  Public  Ledger. 

Susan  is  a  positive  contribution  to  the  American  char 
acters  in  fiction. — Brooklyn  Times. 

Susan  Clegg  is  a  living  creature,  quite  as  amusing  and 
even  more  plausible  than  Mrs.  Wiggs.  Susan's  human 
weaknesses  are  endearing,  and  we  find  ourselves  in  sym 
pathy  with  her. — New  York  Evening  Post. 

No  more  original  or  quaint  person  than  she  has  ever 
lived  in  fiction. — Newark  Advertiser. 


LITTLE,  BROWN,  &  CO.,  PUBLISHED,  BOSTON 
At  all  Booksellers' 


An  International  Love  Comedy 


A  WOMAN'S  WILL 


By  ANNE  WARNER 
Author  of  "  Susan  Clegg  and  Her  Friend  Mrs.  Lathrop." 

IT  is  a  relief  to  take  up  a  volume  so  absolutely  free  from 
stressfulness.       The   love-making  is  passionate,  the 
humor  of  much  of  the  conversation  is  thoroughly  delightful. 
The  book  is  as  refreshing  a  bit  of  fiction  as  one  often  finds ; 
there  is  not  a  dull  page  in  it. — Providence  Journal. 

It  is  bright,  charming,  and  intense  as  it  describes  the 
wooing  of  a  young  American  widow  on  the  European 
Continent  by  a  German  musical  genius. — San  Francisco 
Chronicle. 

A  deliciously  funny  book. — Chicago  Tribune. 

There  is  a  laugh  on  nearly  every  page. — New  York  Times. 

Most  decidedly  an  unusual  story.  The  dialogue  is  nothing 
if  not  original,  and  the  characters  are  very  unique.  There 
is  something  striking  on  every  page  of  the  book. — Newark 
Advertiser. 

A  more  vivacious  light  novel  could  not  be  found. — Chicago 
Record- Herald. 

Illustrated  by  I.  H.  Caliga.     360  pages.     12mo. 
Decorated  cloth,  $1.50. 


LITTLE,   BROWN,  fcf   CO.,  PUBLISHERS,  BOSTON 
At  all  Booksellers' 


A  Vigorous  Tale  of  a  Nevada  Mining  Camp 


THE  SAGE  BRUSH 
PARSON 


By  A.  B.  WARD 

390  pages.     12rao.     Decorated  Cloth.     $1.50 


Full  of  vigorous  and  vivid  pictures.  An  exceptionally 
readable  and  effective  story.  There  is  more  strong  and 
good  dramatic  substance  to  it  than  to  any  story  that  we 
have  read  in  a  long  while.  —  New  York  Sun. 

The  story  is  powerfully  told,  with  strong,  vigorous 
touches  filled  with  the  atmosphere  of  the  wild,  free  West, 
and  so  alive  and  vital  that  it  carries  conviction.  —  Phila 
delphia  Telegraph. 

Characteristic  Western  humor  and  yet  more  character 
istic  Western  pathos  are  plentiful  in  the  tale.  The  at 
mosphere  is  true  to  the  life  and  the  hero  is  a  sincere 
portrayal.  —  Chicago  Tribune. 

A  good,  breezy  story  of  Western  life.  A.  B.  Ward  shows 
rare  familiarity  with  the  prairie  regions  of  Nevada  and 
the  people  who  inhabit  them.  —  St.  Louis  Globe-Democrat. 

Whoever  wants  a  "  rattling  "  good  story  of  mining  life, 
color,  and  customs,  faithful  to  fact  and  strenuous  action, 
with  strong  and  forceful  character  sketching,  with  a  close 
and  appreciative  understanding  of  the  phases  of  life  in 
the  gulches  twenty-five  years  ago,  will  find  all  these. — 
Brooklyn  Standard-Union. 


LITTLE,    BROWN,   &    CO.,    PUBLISHERS 
254  WASHINGTON  STREET,  BOSTON 


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